a recap of 2024
Dec. 31st, 2024 09:46 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
omaewokorosuLast night's stream with Dusty was meant to be an overview of sorts of how 2024 was, both for us and anyone else who'd wanted to join in, and as I sat there struggling with what to even say, my finger hovering over my push-to-talk key, Dusty more or less summed it up with, "2024 was a Year."
And that's basically it.
That's 2024 in a nutshell: a Year. A roller coaster of a year at that, where I said, "I feel like it should still be June and here we are at the end of December."
The years go by too quick these days, and I could go into how time is fleeting and also completely made up by human beings who wanted to keep track of what happened, what's happening, and what will happen—but I won't. Let's not spend NYE having an existential crisis.
(Or, I mean, you could have one if you want, who am I to tell you what you can and can't do?)
What kind of year was 2024, outside of Dusty's one word answer? A whole bunch of fuckery is what. 50 different lifetimes lived, or at least that's what it felt like. At the end of 2023 I'd decided that 2024 was going to be the year I would be more "true to myself, my convictions, and my beliefs." But did I succeed in doing so, considering New Years Resolutions tend to fall by the wayside after two weeks? I'd say I did.
Let's go over the past year, shall we?
January
Egg's brother (my uncle) died and she didn't seem too distressed—I didn't really know him but I showed more emotion than she did. I spoke to my brother Michael for the first time in 5 years in a Facebook Messenger DM. My brother doesn't really use Facebook that much but I didn't have a current email or phone number, thought that Rob didn't keep in contact with him so I didn't bother asking if he had a working number for him, and just hoped for the best. If he read it and never got back to me or told me to fuck off, that was that—at least I tried. But no, he did actually get back to me. We picked up where we left off like nothing happened.
February
I had a breakdown that Eggberta directly caused in the front seat of my wife's car, and Serena was understandably pissed and laid into her about her treatment of me—Eggberta gloated about how she'd yelled at me over something Serena told her to not worry about, and then later on Egg tried to act like I was the bad guy for "not letting bygones be bygones". We started thinking of where we would like to live because enough was enough. I'd mentioned when we first started dating that I wanted to move to the Ithaca area/the Southern Tier, and that's where Serena's search started.
March
Eggberta attempted a tried-and-true (to her) manipulation tactic that I didn't fall for (faking a suicide attempt); my wife told her "no" when Egg more or less demanded she take her to Goshen for an eye doctor appointment, which dealt immense psychic damage, I suppose (it certainly caused what is known as a "narcissistic injury" which is a blow to the ego more or less). Egg never recovered and made it a point to make Serena's life a living hell and mine along with her. I'm talking she forgot Serena even lived there when she wasn't screaming about the severe injustice that was saying no to a "request".
April
We went upstate to view the solar eclipse in the path of totality and even though it was cloudy with a slight drizzle, it was still a bucket list item checked off and an unforgettable moment I'm glad I was able to share with family. I'll never forget the chills I got when the sky went completely middle-of-the-night dark and the birds stopped chirping. I'm so glad I took video! (We even got ornaments to commemorate the event.) We discussed the situation with Egg and Dad suggested we move closer to family who actually love us instead of shacking up with a woman who couldn't care less about us unless she could take advantage in some way?
May
We decided we should spring for a house to rent because we could technically afford it. The unfortunate thing about renting is, most places only want you to have one cat (or dog) at the most if they even allow pets, and we had Sadie and Saru. So we decided to go for buying a house which, as a Millennial, is nuts to think about. We contacted Keller-Williams who got us in touch with Realtor Michael. As we waited for him, we talked to the mortgage lending part of M&T and got a pre-approval for an ungodly amount of money (to me), and began the process of, well, homeownership. A dream to many, and in this economy something almost impossible. You hear and read stories every day of people getting severely outbid on homes by tens, even hundreds of thousands of dollars only to flip it and sell it for 50 times more or rent it for an absurd amount of money a month. r/homeowners and r/firstimehomebuyers has posts every day about it, typically in HCOL areas. We figured if anything Eileen's money—my wife's inheritance—should go for something nice and that is, when you think about it, an investment...so why not a house? Why not a place where we can live instead of huddle in two, maybe three rooms subjected to the ravings of a literal madwoman?
June
We got in touch with Realtor Michael again, who said he was travelling and asked for what we were looking for so we told him. More silence. On the 16th we got a Non-Discriminatory Disclosure, which we never proceeded passed because he decided, I guess, to ghost us.
(For more about the Realtor Michael Saga, please see this entry.)
July
We contacted a different realty (Howard Hannah) who got us in touch with our second realtor, Michelle, who is amazing and awesome and deserves every award she's ever won. Between making sure we were looking at places that *we* personally chose to ensuring that we knew EXACTLY what we were looking at (she knew more about houses than I think most realtors do). We were always on the same page and you could tell she actually care about us as more than, you know, people looking for a house and people to get money from. The first house we looked at in Elmira was The House™ but we looked at the rest of the ones we'd picked out in Elmira and Corning just to make sure. We put in an offer later that night for $155k and waited.
August
There was a counteroffer of $163k and we countered the counteroffer with $160k, which was the price we wanted, and ended up signing a Purchaser's Agreement, meaning we were under contract. We got the mortgage underway and the house inspected—the only "downside" was the age and condition of the roof, and even then the roof itself is fine it just needs a power washing because there's some moss growth (oh no not moss growth /s). It is however nearing EOL so a new roof will need to be done within the next 3-5 years. Everything else with the roof is IMMACULATE. The rest of the things were cosmetic fixes we could do ourselves, like patching up a screen on a window, touching up some paint, adding some chaulk, and then things we would need a professional for (updating some outlets) should we choose to get them done. All in all, everything was fine! We proceeded, getting beyond the point of being able to cancel the contract without some egregious penalty. We ended up in Underwriting at the end of the month which was a nightmare to say the least.
(For entries about all this, see here, here, and here.)
September
We went back and forth with M&T because they were taking forever and nitpicking in excess to the point where everyone was wondering what was happening... I had to be removed from the mortgage note because I would be voluntarily terminating my position at ShopRite not because I wanted to, but because the Southern Tier is Wegmans country. So after writing a million more letters and getting removed from a mortgage note I'll be helping to pay anyway, we finally got our approval! The commitment letter that was due 22 August was coming! Or maybe not? SONYMA is a PITA but what can you do it's the State of New York. We had to get EXEMPTIONS otherwise a line of credit that was paid off would have to be closed. Which whatever. Serena put in to get a check from her investment account so that we would have plenty of money after closing for things like idk appliances. Serena also had to go on a conference call with some SONYMA person to grill the CSR for Overstock on when the delinquent payments were and if they were satisfied and when on an account that was closed for two years at this point. Everyone at M&T thought this was stupid. They needed all of this information strictly for SONYMA we would be getting the mortgage regardless it's just New York State is New York State. Whilst we waited for our home state to do whatever they do, we made plans for what we were moving, who we were getting for junk removal, all that fun stuff. I also got LGBTQ decals to spite Egg. The check arrived so the final hurdle was getting cleared to close! I also figured out what I want to change my name to when I am able to get around to it. There was an Egg-cident.
October
There was still one final hurdle, it's like thinking the final boss is through this door but really it's just the mini-boss. To say that the mortgage process trashed what little sanity I had left is an understatement, I was a goddamn mess throughout. We defeated the mini-boss and started solidifying our moving plans. But wait, another formidable opponent has appeared and we were back in fucking letter writing hell again, for the final time, because we were in the final approval process. I couldn't do anything with my job until I knew we were for sure closing and when. On my dad's 22nd death anniversary, we were finally cleared to close. Serena called up Progressive (which I keep wanting to call Progresso, like the soup) and said "yeah we need homeowner's insurance" and they went "aight" and we agreed that after the new year we would be shopping for, you know, more reasonable options for home-auto bundling purposes, like talking to Jake from State Farm or something, you know? We just needed something for closing. It was fine. Egg egged herself because she's a fucking idiot. On the 21st we became homeowners after a comedy of fucking errors. There was an Egg-cident about crayons, an Egg-cident about her trying to manipulate us into doing her grocery shop until we were moved out, Egg watches us pack up the car for the first time like some kind of weirdo... The 26th was our last day at ShopRite.
We voted blue and with high expectations we watched MSNBC with our hearts in our throats the entire time only to discover that this country never wants to be on the right side of history like EVER.
November
Progressive wanted us to get a new roof in like three weeks in New York Winter, not realising that that's impossible... We still lived in Port when Election Day rolled around so we did our civic duty and at almost 4am found out that the country would rather have a convicted felon con man in the White House again than someone who knows wtf they're doing simply because they're afraid of someone with a vagina and uterus being in the White House which is to say, misogyny won. Whilst packing Aleks discovered what he thought were rodent droppings but upon further research were actually evidence of cockroaches so themoreyouknow.gif I guess. The 13th was the one year anniversary of my MIL's death, and two days later on the 15th we had to help Sadie cross over. The next day was hard, understandably. Egg tried to lowkey block us from being able to take shit from the house. She accused us of stiffing her on November's rent and acted like the toddler she mentally is. We discovered via Bitty Egg has a roach problem, which is great! (Not.) The 23rd was Bitty Adventure Day! On the 24th Bitty figured out how stairs work and was able to join us on the second floor and "help" make up the bed. On the 25th we got to bring Sadie home ♥. On the 27th Dad came down to drive Serena's car up and it was also my 6 year friendiversary with Serena ♥. I unwrapped the audio cassette player I bought that can also be used to digitise things from cassettes, and I got to hear my dad's voice for the first time in 17 years (since the last time I watched old home videos of Christmas or special events was 2007). Thanksgiving was drama free!
December
On the first Serena and I celebrated 3 years married! Which isn't a major milestone by any means but who thought we would have a house three years in?? Not me. On the 9th I had a mini breakdown in the frozen dept of Wegmans and on the 12th, Bitty's birthday, we got our hazard insurance on lock and TINY MINI HOUSE PANTHERS! named Morticia (we added "Bast Sadie" to her name so she is Her Meowness Morticia Bast Sadie Yuy) and Espresso Bean (whose name is now Her Meowness Espresso Bean Mau Yuy). They were born on 16 October to Mamacat along with three tabby kittens. Tish came right to me and Bean came to Serena. We ended up taking them both! On the 15th I was officially moved out of Port Jervis and as we drove away I set up an event in Google Calendar to remind me of my Freedom With No Contact day. Christmas came and went and I had a good one that was drama free whereas my brother Rob has a...different story to tell...
My year consists of the ashes of bridges burnt, the smell of scorched and charred earth still lingering in the air, barely covered by the smell of nearby fireplaces burning wood to keep homes warm. As I stand from the top of the mountain I've been climbing since I was 18 years old and watch the sun rise on a new day, I have a new summit to head for.
I'm not going back.
2025's word will be "onward". I know I am going to stumble, I'm going to fall, I'm going to slip and lose my grip and trip. There will be times where I take 10 steps forward and 8 back and 12 forward and 3 back. Recovery and healing isn't a linear path. Grief isn't either. But I've made it *this far*, and most of the way by myself.
I don't have to climb mountains alone anymore.
❤
And that's basically it.
That's 2024 in a nutshell: a Year. A roller coaster of a year at that, where I said, "I feel like it should still be June and here we are at the end of December."
The years go by too quick these days, and I could go into how time is fleeting and also completely made up by human beings who wanted to keep track of what happened, what's happening, and what will happen—but I won't. Let's not spend NYE having an existential crisis.
(Or, I mean, you could have one if you want, who am I to tell you what you can and can't do?)
What kind of year was 2024, outside of Dusty's one word answer? A whole bunch of fuckery is what. 50 different lifetimes lived, or at least that's what it felt like. At the end of 2023 I'd decided that 2024 was going to be the year I would be more "true to myself, my convictions, and my beliefs." But did I succeed in doing so, considering New Years Resolutions tend to fall by the wayside after two weeks? I'd say I did.
Let's go over the past year, shall we?
January
Egg's brother (my uncle) died and she didn't seem too distressed—I didn't really know him but I showed more emotion than she did. I spoke to my brother Michael for the first time in 5 years in a Facebook Messenger DM. My brother doesn't really use Facebook that much but I didn't have a current email or phone number, thought that Rob didn't keep in contact with him so I didn't bother asking if he had a working number for him, and just hoped for the best. If he read it and never got back to me or told me to fuck off, that was that—at least I tried. But no, he did actually get back to me. We picked up where we left off like nothing happened.
February
I had a breakdown that Eggberta directly caused in the front seat of my wife's car, and Serena was understandably pissed and laid into her about her treatment of me—Eggberta gloated about how she'd yelled at me over something Serena told her to not worry about, and then later on Egg tried to act like I was the bad guy for "not letting bygones be bygones". We started thinking of where we would like to live because enough was enough. I'd mentioned when we first started dating that I wanted to move to the Ithaca area/the Southern Tier, and that's where Serena's search started.
March
Eggberta attempted a tried-and-true (to her) manipulation tactic that I didn't fall for (faking a suicide attempt); my wife told her "no" when Egg more or less demanded she take her to Goshen for an eye doctor appointment, which dealt immense psychic damage, I suppose (it certainly caused what is known as a "narcissistic injury" which is a blow to the ego more or less). Egg never recovered and made it a point to make Serena's life a living hell and mine along with her. I'm talking she forgot Serena even lived there when she wasn't screaming about the severe injustice that was saying no to a "request".
April
We went upstate to view the solar eclipse in the path of totality and even though it was cloudy with a slight drizzle, it was still a bucket list item checked off and an unforgettable moment I'm glad I was able to share with family. I'll never forget the chills I got when the sky went completely middle-of-the-night dark and the birds stopped chirping. I'm so glad I took video! (We even got ornaments to commemorate the event.) We discussed the situation with Egg and Dad suggested we move closer to family who actually love us instead of shacking up with a woman who couldn't care less about us unless she could take advantage in some way?
May
We decided we should spring for a house to rent because we could technically afford it. The unfortunate thing about renting is, most places only want you to have one cat (or dog) at the most if they even allow pets, and we had Sadie and Saru. So we decided to go for buying a house which, as a Millennial, is nuts to think about. We contacted Keller-Williams who got us in touch with Realtor Michael. As we waited for him, we talked to the mortgage lending part of M&T and got a pre-approval for an ungodly amount of money (to me), and began the process of, well, homeownership. A dream to many, and in this economy something almost impossible. You hear and read stories every day of people getting severely outbid on homes by tens, even hundreds of thousands of dollars only to flip it and sell it for 50 times more or rent it for an absurd amount of money a month. r/homeowners and r/firstimehomebuyers has posts every day about it, typically in HCOL areas. We figured if anything Eileen's money—my wife's inheritance—should go for something nice and that is, when you think about it, an investment...so why not a house? Why not a place where we can live instead of huddle in two, maybe three rooms subjected to the ravings of a literal madwoman?
June
We got in touch with Realtor Michael again, who said he was travelling and asked for what we were looking for so we told him. More silence. On the 16th we got a Non-Discriminatory Disclosure, which we never proceeded passed because he decided, I guess, to ghost us.
(For more about the Realtor Michael Saga, please see this entry.)
July
We contacted a different realty (Howard Hannah) who got us in touch with our second realtor, Michelle, who is amazing and awesome and deserves every award she's ever won. Between making sure we were looking at places that *we* personally chose to ensuring that we knew EXACTLY what we were looking at (she knew more about houses than I think most realtors do). We were always on the same page and you could tell she actually care about us as more than, you know, people looking for a house and people to get money from. The first house we looked at in Elmira was The House™ but we looked at the rest of the ones we'd picked out in Elmira and Corning just to make sure. We put in an offer later that night for $155k and waited.
August
There was a counteroffer of $163k and we countered the counteroffer with $160k, which was the price we wanted, and ended up signing a Purchaser's Agreement, meaning we were under contract. We got the mortgage underway and the house inspected—the only "downside" was the age and condition of the roof, and even then the roof itself is fine it just needs a power washing because there's some moss growth (oh no not moss growth /s). It is however nearing EOL so a new roof will need to be done within the next 3-5 years. Everything else with the roof is IMMACULATE. The rest of the things were cosmetic fixes we could do ourselves, like patching up a screen on a window, touching up some paint, adding some chaulk, and then things we would need a professional for (updating some outlets) should we choose to get them done. All in all, everything was fine! We proceeded, getting beyond the point of being able to cancel the contract without some egregious penalty. We ended up in Underwriting at the end of the month which was a nightmare to say the least.
(For entries about all this, see here, here, and here.)
September
We went back and forth with M&T because they were taking forever and nitpicking in excess to the point where everyone was wondering what was happening... I had to be removed from the mortgage note because I would be voluntarily terminating my position at ShopRite not because I wanted to, but because the Southern Tier is Wegmans country. So after writing a million more letters and getting removed from a mortgage note I'll be helping to pay anyway, we finally got our approval! The commitment letter that was due 22 August was coming! Or maybe not? SONYMA is a PITA but what can you do it's the State of New York. We had to get EXEMPTIONS otherwise a line of credit that was paid off would have to be closed. Which whatever. Serena put in to get a check from her investment account so that we would have plenty of money after closing for things like idk appliances. Serena also had to go on a conference call with some SONYMA person to grill the CSR for Overstock on when the delinquent payments were and if they were satisfied and when on an account that was closed for two years at this point. Everyone at M&T thought this was stupid. They needed all of this information strictly for SONYMA we would be getting the mortgage regardless it's just New York State is New York State. Whilst we waited for our home state to do whatever they do, we made plans for what we were moving, who we were getting for junk removal, all that fun stuff. I also got LGBTQ decals to spite Egg. The check arrived so the final hurdle was getting cleared to close! I also figured out what I want to change my name to when I am able to get around to it. There was an Egg-cident.
October
There was still one final hurdle, it's like thinking the final boss is through this door but really it's just the mini-boss. To say that the mortgage process trashed what little sanity I had left is an understatement, I was a goddamn mess throughout. We defeated the mini-boss and started solidifying our moving plans. But wait, another formidable opponent has appeared and we were back in fucking letter writing hell again, for the final time, because we were in the final approval process. I couldn't do anything with my job until I knew we were for sure closing and when. On my dad's 22nd death anniversary, we were finally cleared to close. Serena called up Progressive (which I keep wanting to call Progresso, like the soup) and said "yeah we need homeowner's insurance" and they went "aight" and we agreed that after the new year we would be shopping for, you know, more reasonable options for home-auto bundling purposes, like talking to Jake from State Farm or something, you know? We just needed something for closing. It was fine. Egg egged herself because she's a fucking idiot. On the 21st we became homeowners after a comedy of fucking errors. There was an Egg-cident about crayons, an Egg-cident about her trying to manipulate us into doing her grocery shop until we were moved out, Egg watches us pack up the car for the first time like some kind of weirdo... The 26th was our last day at ShopRite.
We voted blue and with high expectations we watched MSNBC with our hearts in our throats the entire time only to discover that this country never wants to be on the right side of history like EVER.
November
Progressive wanted us to get a new roof in like three weeks in New York Winter, not realising that that's impossible... We still lived in Port when Election Day rolled around so we did our civic duty and at almost 4am found out that the country would rather have a convicted felon con man in the White House again than someone who knows wtf they're doing simply because they're afraid of someone with a vagina and uterus being in the White House which is to say, misogyny won. Whilst packing Aleks discovered what he thought were rodent droppings but upon further research were actually evidence of cockroaches so themoreyouknow.gif I guess. The 13th was the one year anniversary of my MIL's death, and two days later on the 15th we had to help Sadie cross over. The next day was hard, understandably. Egg tried to lowkey block us from being able to take shit from the house. She accused us of stiffing her on November's rent and acted like the toddler she mentally is. We discovered via Bitty Egg has a roach problem, which is great! (Not.) The 23rd was Bitty Adventure Day! On the 24th Bitty figured out how stairs work and was able to join us on the second floor and "help" make up the bed. On the 25th we got to bring Sadie home ♥. On the 27th Dad came down to drive Serena's car up and it was also my 6 year friendiversary with Serena ♥. I unwrapped the audio cassette player I bought that can also be used to digitise things from cassettes, and I got to hear my dad's voice for the first time in 17 years (since the last time I watched old home videos of Christmas or special events was 2007). Thanksgiving was drama free!
December
On the first Serena and I celebrated 3 years married! Which isn't a major milestone by any means but who thought we would have a house three years in?? Not me. On the 9th I had a mini breakdown in the frozen dept of Wegmans and on the 12th, Bitty's birthday, we got our hazard insurance on lock and TINY MINI HOUSE PANTHERS! named Morticia (we added "Bast Sadie" to her name so she is Her Meowness Morticia Bast Sadie Yuy) and Espresso Bean (whose name is now Her Meowness Espresso Bean Mau Yuy). They were born on 16 October to Mamacat along with three tabby kittens. Tish came right to me and Bean came to Serena. We ended up taking them both! On the 15th I was officially moved out of Port Jervis and as we drove away I set up an event in Google Calendar to remind me of my Freedom With No Contact day. Christmas came and went and I had a good one that was drama free whereas my brother Rob has a...different story to tell...
My year consists of the ashes of bridges burnt, the smell of scorched and charred earth still lingering in the air, barely covered by the smell of nearby fireplaces burning wood to keep homes warm. As I stand from the top of the mountain I've been climbing since I was 18 years old and watch the sun rise on a new day, I have a new summit to head for.
I'm not going back.
2025's word will be "onward". I know I am going to stumble, I'm going to fall, I'm going to slip and lose my grip and trip. There will be times where I take 10 steps forward and 8 back and 12 forward and 3 back. Recovery and healing isn't a linear path. Grief isn't either. But I've made it *this far*, and most of the way by myself.
I don't have to climb mountains alone anymore.
❤
