do you believe you can walk on water?

So I had a joint bank account with Egg that, as of yesterday, is now solely mine. I was given the OK yesterday to assume ownership of it, and can do as I please with that money. I am now a decent sum of money richer. As a result, different people gave me suggestions as to what I could spend a (relatively) small sum of it on. Things like

• Barnes and Noble shopping spree


• get a nice journal and a stationery set to use in it


• get something you've always wanted that isn't practical


• a Nintendo Switch 2 (not that you can find one)

I won't be doing most of these, though to say I'm not tempted to buy a nice journal from Barnes and Noble would be a lie lol. But I want to get something I have wanted to get for months now...a Cuddle Clone.

What is a Cuddle Clone?
It is a plush pet custom designed to look like your cat or dog (or horse, bird, rabbit, etc.). A lot of people get them because they want to memorialise their dearly departed pet. You can get a pouch built into it to store their ashes, for instance, so it can function as an urn you can also snuggle with.

November 15th of 2024 we lost our Grey Lady. Our sweet and sassy girl Sadie. She was almost 17 years old which is pretty old for a cat, sweet and sassy and loving up until the very end when we thanked her for her unconditional love and helped her cross over. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. We love Sadie and always will.

Egg didn't love Sadie. She hated her, in fact. To Egg, Sadie was "that stupid cat" my wife had to bring along with her; because Sadie was Theresa's cat and she hated Terri, of course by extension she had no love for our Grey Lady.

When I was talking to Aleks and he was giving me some of the above suggestions, another one he mentioned was

"You should spend some of the money on something you love, but she hated."

And that's when it hit me. The Cuddle Clone of Sadie.

When I brought it up, he cried. He cried because he too loved Sadie. Everyone who's ever met Sadie has loved her.

(Maybe if Egg actually met her, she would've thought different. She would've seen how sweet she was and loved her too. But Egg never had any desire to interact with Sadie at all when we would bring her down in her carrier on the way to a vet appointment. She largely ignored our sweet girl's existence.)

It won't be an exact replica, no. Sadie is a one of a kind cat there will never be another one of. But it would be really nice to be able to snuggle with something that represents her, at least. Something we can pet and stroke the "fur" of and coo at...

I hope Sadie pisses on Egg's shoes in the afterlife or leaves a particularly stinky shit for her.

Love you, Sadie girl. Always.

So last Friday we reached out to a local insurance agency we were directed to by Progressive as a "well they'll be able to insure your shitty property but we have standards and need you to replace the roof in less than 30 days soooooo byeeeee if you can't lol". Our property is considered "high risk" because of some moss growing on our roof shingles. Our roof is 20 years old and otherwise in okay shape but will need a replacement (likely to slate) in the next ~5 years. Like our inspector said we could power wash the moss off and we would be good to go, and it's not like the whole roof is covered in it, just this one spot because oh no a tree.

The agent we spoke to, Kimberly, was very nice! Very helpful. We love a helpful, nice, knowledgeable insurance person. When she asked where we heard about the agency from, she more or less went, "Oh. Progressive. Yeah, they're really difficult when it comes to old houses." Which is a nice way of saying "oh god these pains in the asses." We sent all the information she needed over including the inspection report which has all sorts of pictures of the property and she said she would send these things off and see what can be done.

I've been filled with anxiety this whole time because our policy with Progressive cancels tomorrow...and we still hadn't heard anything...until yesterday.

Serena got an email going over the policy that Kimberly was able to get for us. It gives us all the coverage that we need plus things like...coverage in the event of a volcanic eruption! Or an airplane falling on our house. (In addition to typical things like fire and storms.) Doesn't cover for flood but flood insurance is typically extra anyway and we don't live close enough to the Chemung River for that to be a problem. They have no problem with our 20 year old roof and so long as we haven't made any homeowner's insurance claims in the past 5 years (which we haven't because this is our first house) or renter's insurance claims (which Serena hasn't), then they were fine.

So we agreed and everything got set up in five minutes on the phone, where Kimberly and Serena talked about their pets lmao. She said that the policy will go into effect at midnight and we'll be all set.

Oh and it's $942 for six months (which is your typical policy period). Progressive was over $1200.

She wanted to know if we were looking into switching over our car insurance now or if we were gonna do that later—no pressure or anything, just that she could start the paperwork for that if it's something we were interested in, otherwise we could stop in or call and get things set up whenever we were ready. We said not at this moment, the homeowner's was more important and Kimberly absolutely understood.

Like I probably wouldn't make a big deal out of it but we need homeowner's insurance for our mortgage. That is one of the conditions for having M&T as our lender. So at some point Serena will have to contact M&T and tell them we switched insurance companies and all they'll do is get the new information and be like "ok" because it's not uncommon for people to shop around not long after closing on a house for something more reasonable and boy did we find reasonable.

Eventually we'll switch auto over and be done with Progressive overall.

~*~
A couple of days ago one of Serena's long time friends messaged her saying that she rescued a cat... Turns out kitty was pregnant. She gave birth in October to five kittens who need homes, so would we be interested? There's no one more fitting.

A lot of people would probably question us getting a new cat considering Sadie's been gone for almost a month. Shouldn't we focus on our grief first? Would we be able to really focus on a new cat or would we be mentally comparing them to the cat we recently lost?

Thing is thought Serena and I talked about getting a second cat sooner rather than later, we were going to start looking after all the major holidays were over and done with. We were gonna look at local shelters and go from there, because we will always adopt or rescue or otherwise be a cat's last stop. (Sadie for instance, we were her third home—she started off as the cat of a family friend and then became my BIL's cat with his now ex-wife and then ended up being Serena's cat and true furever home.)

The Cat Distribution System had other plans, clearly.

Neither of us have ever had literal baby kittens. Serena, who's had cats her whole life, never had any this young, and Saru's my second cat and was a handful as a kitten. We'd both agreed that we wouldn't get a cat younger than like 6 months old max.

But here we were with the prospect of not even two month old kittens to look at.

You don't turn down the CDS. Not to mention if you end up with a cat shortly after one crosses over, this cat is sent from them to help you in your grief. So we couldn't turn down this opportunity because it would mean rejecting a present from Sadie.

SO YESTERDAY we drove the almost two hours to the Rochester area (was technically Chili which Google Maps kept pronouncing as "chill-ee" and it's "chai-lai" don't ask why that's just how it is like it pronounces Elmira as "Ehl-mee-ruh" when it's "Ehl-mai-ruh" smh) and we knew we were in the metro area when it started snowing.

I mean that's typical of this far north eh at least Monroe County's DOT is, you know, on it making sure everything is salted and plowed. So yeah. I got to meet two of Serena's friends that she's known for like 10 or more years and hasn't seen in...uh...quite some time, and the one friend's mom who they live with in this really nice Victorian house. We also got to meet Mamacat who is a quintessential tabby cat and so pretty with light green eyes. She's tiny like Sadie lol.

There were FOUR KITTENS. There were five but someone earlier in the day grabbed the lone girl tabby whose name was Diva and you don't name a cat that unless, you know, she thinks she is one lol. (There is a cat in the family whose name is Diva and she is a very pretty Siamese who knows she's pretty and how dare you even insinuate otherwise.) What remained were two tabby boys, one of whom was up for grabs because they were keeping him, and two void cats.

mini house panthers! tiny sized!

The one that immediately came up to me was named Morticia and the one that came up to Serena was named Espresso. Morticia is very demure, very mindful like Sadie, with a sprinkling of sass since she makes her demands very much known to everyone. She also announced whenever she goes to the litter box lmao (Like how Sadie would announce whenever she was about to vomit everywhere.) She has two small patches of white on her chest and some white hairs dotting along her back like stars. I think she'll be very sleek, very svelte when she's old.

Sadie definitely picked her out.

Espresso is fiesty and will definitely be a huge murder paws when she's older. I'm sure she'll get along with Saru just fine when the time comes and they've been properly introduced and adjusted to each other... I think she's gonna be a floof like her big sister as well...

We were initially going to pick just one cat, but I had joked "what if two cats pick us?"

Which is exactly what ended up happening.

"You could always have a two-for!"

Which would be less stress on them since they would only need to rehome the boy tabby. And Morticia and Espresso were pretty much inseparable...so we took them both. They chose us after all. You don't reject a cat. You don't reject the CDS. You don't reject the new friend your old one sends your way.

So we drove back to Elmira with two void kitties in the backseat in Sadie's old carrier snuggled in her old blanket. Like that our family felt whole again.

Nothing will ever replace Sadie. I haven't introduced Aleks to either of them and won't until everyone's adjusted and comfortable... He said, "I'm glad that two voids chose you and Serena because I don't think I would want another tabby."
"Because you'd be looking for Sadie?"
"It wouldn't be fair to them because they're not my Sadinya, and I don't want that to affect my potential bond with a cat just because I'm too caught up grieving the one I recently lost."
Aleks has seen them, he thinks they're cute (because they are), but he's hanging back. Which is fine.


Morticia (left) and Espresso (right) sleeping in the perch in the catio.


Saru looking in on her little sisters, her eyes filled with curiosity.

Last night there was a beautiful full moon and it was an otherwise beautiful day.

Today the skies are without any clouds in sight and a beautiful light blue. Not too hot but not too cold either.

I wanted to wake up to Sadie jumping on the bed and meowing at us for her breakfast but she never did and never will again. Things are too quiet. For such a small cat (Sadie was 6 pounds until recently) she was very mouthy.

Went into the bathroom expecting her in her spot but she wasn't there either. Her little cooling mat was empty and cold. Her grooming towel was nearby.

We packed up some things in the bedroom that are important like the rest of my jewellery so we could bring that. Aleks packed her blanket and towel in there too.

Broke down retrieving her food dish from her spot filled with food from a few days ago when she would still eat but not a lot. We had to throw out the food of course but it was the last meal she ever had before she got too sick.

Aleks wants to set up her cardboard house at home to have a blanket for her to sit on "when she visits". He's gotten quite spiritual since Sadie left us. I think he's in denial. He's waiting for her to come home.

She will of course. But not in the form he's so familiar with. She will arrive in a nice box. We plan on getting something nice to hold her in. Serena and I were looking at Cuddle Pets, handmade memorial plushies that are made to look like your beloved pet.

Almost $400 but it would be worth it because then we could hold her again in the form we are so familiar with. There's a pouch to put the ashes in.

I found one of her favourite collars. Cried again. I have times where I don't cry of course, but I spend a lot of time either crying or trying not to.

Bitty still looks for her. I'll pet her and say something like, "Are you looking for Sadie?" She gives me a look like she understands me. Like she is still looking for the sister she loved so much even though her sister was old and crotchety at times. Sadie still loved her. In her own way.

I tell Saru, "I'm still looking for her too."

I'll always be looking for her.

There was a post in r/catdistributionsystem of someone who found a grey tabby. The stripes weren't the same (his stripes were more like our furniece's), but the face was like Sadie's.

He has green eyes too. Like hers. Though in my opinion hers were prettier. Our green eyed girl.

It hurts and I know it will hurt for a long time. I'm not looking for a replacement for Sadie because I will never find one. Nothing can replace our Grey Lady, she is one of a kind. And I know wherever she is she misses us too. She wants our pets and kisses and snuggles.

I'd do anything to hear her meow again. To feel her making biscuits. To hold her one more time.

I'll look for you everywhere. Always. In the stars at night, in the moon up in the sky, in every grey tabby I see in the hopes the Cat Council sent an Earthly Representative of you to us to check in.

She was 16 years old. She was healthy until suddenly she wasn't. Full of love until the very end when she left us. She was ready. We've had her since 2019. It wasn't enough time. We could've had her for 20 years and it still wouldn't be enough time. There never is.

I miss my baby. But I don't regret anything. I knew she was in such pain and I didn't want her to have to endure any further agony. She's no longer hurting.

If only we could've stopped the pain without her having to leave us.