do you believe you can walk on water?

Edited to add [09/04/2024]:

I'm going to respond to some of the things brought up in the Emblanon comment thread linked below in the original part of the entry. Because I should've done this back then instead of holding myself back. Instead of apologizing for my flaws in my personality, apologizing for things that I couldn't fix overnight, apologizing for saying anything at all. Why am I doing this here and not in replies to those comments in that thread? Because what would the point of that even be when the most recent comment thread on it is from 2014. If you want to know what killed Emblanon, there is a Wankgate comment thread discussing it!

The only person I owed an apology to was Gunlord. I apologized and he accepted it. It wasn't okay for me to be a little harsh when it came to him but it was perfectly okay for a good chunk of the fandom to talk shit about him behind his back in entries and in comments, to link fics he'd recommended or posted himself and roll their eyes before going "classic Gunlord" and pointing out all the things wrong with it.

Anyway. Let me respond to some of this.

The original anon wrote:

I know people who copy&paste reviews for their fics to me and poke fun of them. Or go to the profiles of the reviewer and make fun of them.

This anon probably did the same thing, likely joined in on "poking fun" and the thing is, there is a difference between ribbing on/poking fun of something (it's typically not grounded in being malicious and is more aligned with teasing) and just straight up being an asshole. And also...if you really don't want to be the recipient or participate in conversations like that? Use your words. Say something. Block/unfriend/whatever if necessary. Don't go behind their back on some anon meme to complain about a problem when you could cut out the middleman and say it directly to them in a PM.

But also unless it was a known troll or someone like that Lord Lelouch guy, I don't think I went out of my way to go to someone's profile and "make fun of them". My reviews and my snark were always towards the fics, not the author.

(You tell me you've not gone to someone's profile and giggled about something or another. Go on.)

I'm tempted to post the most egregious offender [...] but I really don't want to invite wank. [...] I have a lot of trouble with confrontation.

And yet you are on an anon meme, where drama and wank happen because of people with bones to pick not doing the grown up thing even though it's really hard. The best way to avoid wank is to directly speak your mind to whomever has caused you offence. You're an adult, right? That's what adults do. Yes it's hard, especially if you're friends, but I know I would rather have someone tell me something I did irks them to my face than find out through some anonymous forum I may or may not even be keeping up with or looking at. Because that means you have no intention of doing anything productive and are just looking for people to pat you on the ass.

Because guess what? You got the wank you allegedly didn't want, and did nothing to try and curb it.

(And no, I don't know who this anon is.)

Despite not knowing the identity of this anon (I can't even guess who it could've been), I'm sure they were partaking in the same behaviour but admitting to doing so would make them look bad.

at least tell the person privately (PMs, whatever) what a dick move making fun of reviews like that is. Maybe it'll convince them to stop.

I agree, maybe you should say something regardless of how uncomfortable a conversation that might be because again, that is the adult, mature thing to do.

I've tried a couple of times, but I'm doubting anything is very effective.

"A couple of times". What exactly did you say? It might have flown over their (our, since I know you're talking about us) head. A lot of social things do. If you're not direct, chances are we're not going to understand what you're talking about. Especially if it's done off-handedly.

it doesnt sound like the kind of person who it's good to have as a friend anyways

I think these anons are the ones who don't make good friends (as it turns out that's exactly what happened).

(This fandom is the reason why my already very low self esteem was completely non-existent when I left.)

So my name was dropped by the original anon after other anons goaded them into doing so "for the good of the fandom".

Right up there with pretending her and Mark are the only good Archanea writers. Uhm, hello? What about the others who have attempted Archanea? Not worth mentioning in her eyes, I suppose.

Ah I'm guessing this is the reason why we wrote down a list of all the writers who wrote fic for Archanea that we read... FWIW I have gone back through all of my FE tags, especially the fire emblem general fandom tag...and not once did I see any "pretending" that myself and MOTA were the only good writers for Archanea. MOTA was mentioned a lot, sure, but so were other authors (like ones mentioned in the original post below).

OP Anon, I'd like to ask: do you regularly post lists of fics or writers whose works you've read lately? I doubt you do. How do you know that we didn't mention shoutouts in other places, like fandom communities or forums we were part of? But also, why are you so invested in this?

Oh. Right. 'Cause you're looking for another reason as to why I'm such an awful person.

I feel like this whole thing is shitting on someone for having their own opinions. If you want me to be scathingly honest in a review then I will put all of my very honest thoughts into it. However I tend to exercise restraint when it comes to what I put in publicly available constructive criticism because I'm not, contrary to what these people think, an asshole. What I write about someone's fanfiction or what have you in private really is no one's business and if they don't like it then that's okay. They don't have to be here. They don't have to read it. They can unfriend/block/whatever.

Gunlord has entered the chat. Gunlord actually really liked and appreciated the review I left on his fic, and then found an entry in my LJ where I guess I mentioned other things about the fic that I didn't include in the review I posted. A lot of times I would type up the LJ entry to get my thoughts together, decide what was worth including and what wasn't, and then I would write up my fic review and post it, then if anything link that in the entry and post that. Not everything I talk about is "worthy" of being included. That doesn't mean it's all shit talking or the harshest things ever, it's just me sorting out my thoughts.

But I don't think I owe anyone an explanation of how I come up with my fic reviews.

I admit I just went ):T when I saw her entry and shrugged my shoulders, not giving it any more thought

But then you bring it up on an anon meme and give it and others a reason to opine about what my opinions may or may not be on something and what my character as a person is because of that. When I doubt some of these anons really even knew me personally. (Gunlord and I hadn't really conversed until the anon meme.)

back when I started college, I was quite a nasty young man, but the last few years really mellowed me out.

I'm pointing this out because we were 19 years old at this point, so freshman-going-into-sophomore year of college. I will agree with this point: Never attribute to malice what can be laid to stupidity, and all that. It was all very young adult stupidity for the most part and being bad in social situations.

But no I'm a terrible person. I'm sorry I'm neurodivergent af and was abused from a young age and that affected my development too. I'm completely irredeemable and not worth being anyone's friend.

(This really is very middle/high school of everyone.)

I'm beginning to see why people were ostracizing us from public fandom activities, because one person said that I should be avoided at all costs because of how much of an asshole I apparently am, and people took that as a fact instead of an opinion. I know I am a person you either love or you hate, because my personality doesn't mesh with a lot of people's. That's not my fault and really nothing I can do about it, it's just personality conflict. Unfriend and move on, or don't friend me from the get go. I won't be offended. I will be offended if you pretend to be my friend and then go to an anon meme to talk shit about me in a place where I may or may not have stumbled upon it. You're such great friends, anons!

Someone said this about me changing my opinion on someone after actually having a lengthy conversation with them (instead of going by what fandom thought of him at the time): I'll believe THAT...wait, never.

Bless your heart, anon. How dare I actually change my opinion. That is not allowed, never, never, ever!!!

You were aghast at the *idea* of him even posting on "your turf".

That was a joke that would've had a sarcasm tone tag after it had I known what those were at the time since they weren't really a thing. Anyone with reading comprehension would know that that wasn't meant to be taken seriously. But sure. Whatever. I doubt you thought Gunlord was the latest and greatest in FE fandom and were like the rest of us, turning up your nose at him because of how he was presenting himself at the time.

I do appreciate the anon who went "well clearly their opinion changed because you used past tense with were."

(Clearly FE fandom is a fandom in which you can never make jokes regardless of how shitty they might be.)

I think it's more the anon wankers who make the "LJ faction" seem bad, not just one person.

Not just the LJ faction, they make the entire fandom look bad. And it's only gotten worse since I left! A group of anons ganging up on one person for whatever perceived slight who then cry about how small the fandom is...

I wasn't the one bringing the entire fandom down, it was all of their collective attitudes.

And not for nothing, but this ~wank~ could've been avoided if the original anon just fucking said something in a PM to me despite their flimsy "but it won't do anything!" excuse; you know that that's not what they were after though. They wanted people to surround them with sympathetic asspats going, "I totally agree, anon! That person is the worst! They give fandom a bad name!"

Pretty sure this is the same OP Anon, replying to someone else:

I'm in that particular f-list scene up to my own eyeballs and whatever comes down is going to land close to home.

And as I keep saying, you could've avoided wank by saying something in private. "But oh, I've done that before and it's never stuck!" So then you have one other option: unfriend. Wordlessly remove yourself. Might that potentially out you? Yeah. But if you're really avoiding confrontation, the best option is to bow out without a word and move on with your life. And honestly, I rarely checked my friends list on my profile, and I didn't go on my friends page, I read individual LJs, so I wouldn't have known.

But no, I bet you really did want the drama.

The original entry [06/11/2011]]:

This thread on the anon meme is about me (which you will see if you read the whole thing).

I don't know what to say, really, except, "I'm sorry." There are things I am working on and trying to improve--not being snarky, for one thing. But this change isn't going to happen overnight. It's going to be a slow, gradual thing. But I am working on trying to be a better person.

There is one thing I would like to clarify, and that would be assuming that I think Mark and myself are the only good Archanea authors in the fandom.

This statement is entirely false. I do respect Mark as a writer, I do like her fanfiction. This is no secret, I don't even keep it a secret. However, she is not the only writer I read for Archanea. I've read Myaru's stuff, I've read Hitomi's stuff, I'm reading (and behind on reviewing) Scuttlest's Archanea stuff, I liked Gunlord's stuff, and I am not going to mention every last Archanea author I read and enjoy because it's pointless.

Do not make assumptions or put words in my mouth.

But everything else? There is nothing to deny. I have been working on changing how I behave. Whether or not it's noticeable, I don't know. I'd like to think the way I interact with others is different than it has been in the past. It's a constant work in progress, and it won't happen overnight.

All I can say is I'm sorry.

In light of this, I will probably not be really active in fandom for a while as I contemplate some things. I just wanted to apologise, own up to my behaviour, and clarify some things.

Comments are, of course, enabled, and this post is public so, on the off-chance people on the anon meme see this, they can feel free to speak their minds. You can post anon if you'd rather not place a name to your comment.

[EDIT] Another thing that has been brought up was a post I made a couple of months ago about Archanea being my 'turf' or whatever. Yes, I made a post like that. It was a joke. Was it a good one? No. Was it an obvious one? No. I don't know the anon who brought it up, I don't care who the anon was who brought it up, but Gunlord mentioned it, and I apologised for it, as you can see here. I won't make posts like that again, and I haven't since I posted that first one anyway. This experience has shown me that I need to either watch my wording or watch what I say, lest I put my foot in my mouth again.

Once again, I'm sorry. *bows*

So I'm finally catching up on the fics that I need to review (am currently going through To Freely Serve), and when it came time to review, I go through probably the same thing everyone else does.

"I have no crit for this chapter, what do I do?"

It's a dilemma I often face when I review for a story I really like. There's nothing wrong with it that I can see, so I have no advice to offer, and yet I don't want to be all, "I REALLY LIKED THIS!" either because, you know, there's no substance. Well maybe I can point out what I like! Well next thing my review is nothing but quotes and "I liked this!" after it. So then I am at a loss for words and end up just saying nothing at all, maybe saying something in a comment next time I see the author (if they're on LJ) saying, "Hey I read [insert fic here] and really liked it!"

Well then why can't I just say that in a review and just save myself all the trouble?

It's simple, really. Fandom has us hardwired. What do I mean by that? Well, fandom has Certain Expectations about reviews, as many of you know. Some of us don't care what kinds of reviews we receive, because a review is a review is a review. From the way fandom talks about these types of people, you'd think they were like dinosaurs--extinct for quite some time now, with a, "Well, we used to be that way, but then we got Standards."

Oh, really? Because I don't care what my reviews say, because reviews are nice whether they say, "I liked this!" or "MOAR PLZ," or are just paragraphs of things they liked or if it's light critique, heavy critique, or all the above. Because someone liked my fic enough to actually sit down and voice their thoughts about it.

But Fandom wants substance to reviews! You can't just leave something that says, "Hey, I read this and liked it a lot!" You have to tell what you liked and didn't like. It can't just be, "I liked this!" because pffft, that's just mindless praise. Properly spelled praise, but praise nonetheless. And as fanfiction writers, we want to improve, don't we? We don't want to be told what's awesome about our fic. We want to be thrown under the bus and told it's shit, right? WE WANT CRITIQUE.

Well wait a second. Now you're saying these things and complaining about reviews. You're not getting any, or not as many as you once were. This happened after you declared, "I want thoughtful reviews, not mindless praise like, 'I LIKED THIS!' and 'UPDATE MOAR!' and btw it has to be at least four hundred words," on your FFN profile. Or some variation thereof on FFN or elsewhere. Perhaps you said something on the anon meme and people knew it was you (or you de-anoned), or you posted it somewhere. WHATEVER THE CASE, you complained about reviews having to be a certain way, and now people aren't reviewing.

Why is that? You would automatically assume that they don't like your fic, though the favourite story add might say otherwise.

They are afraid to say anything. Why? Because it seems like everyone in fandom has standards for reviews that need to be met to be considered a 'review' or it's just 'mindless praise'.

I, like many of us, like well-thought out reviews will nicely written crit, quotes of things they liked, examples of things they didn't... All that wrapped up nicely with an, "I can't wait to see the next chapter," or whatever. I can even name people who give reviews like this, but I won't because you know I don't like naming names. If you look at the reviews for My Sins Won't Leave Me and scroll down, I think you know the people I'm thinking of.

I also like reviews that just say, "I liked this." You don't have to write a whole long, drawn out review for me. Really. It's okay.

But fandom has it hardwired into our brains that long, well-thought out reviews are the only ones worth giving. We are told this time and time again--"I only want thoughtful, well-written reviews." "I only want crit." So I can't just say, "I really liked this fic"? I have to say, "I liked it because...well. Insert Bullshit Reason here" instead?

Thinking reviews should conform to 'standards' marks you, in my eyes, as a review elitist. I am happy with whatever reviews I receive. But when it comes to giving reviews? I am horrible, because mentally I am going, "Is the author going to jump down my throat if I just say, 'Hey, this fic was great!'?"

I figure people would like having favourite lines mentioned, things the reader liked mentioned... All that stuff. I like it when people tell me what their favourite parts are, or if something works. (Or if something doesn't work.)

Apparently not. "Oh, these reviews are nice, but I wish there was concrit." Sometimes there just isn't concrit to be given.

In a fandom where there aren't a lot of reviews to be had, this is not the kind of place where you should be picky about the types of reviews we get. We should be happy someone bothered at all.

Oh, and btw, you also can't say who can and can't review your fics, and their reviews don't count as 'less' simply because it's Person H and Person O. Not only is it really elementary, but it's also, uh, douchey, and who the hell are you to say so-and-so can't review because, "Oh, they cause wank!" or something like that? Get over yourself. You are not the Fandom Police.

~*~

In the same vein--topic, really--I know this isn't standard and I have been a little lax in it lately (job hunting, FAFSA, etc.), but replying to reviews? It's nice. It's like receiving a present in the mail and then sending a thank-you--it should be second nature.

Well. Replying to reviews isn't, really. It used to not bother me if I was met by silence. People are busy, etc. But I picked up this habit from LJ, because it's a great way to have a conversation with someone about their fic.

This is just me, personally, but I (usually) reply to reviews. Because then A) the reviewer knows you read it and B) you are acknowledging your audience. You don't have to go into this long drawn out thing, just a nice, "Thank you for reading and reviewing!" would suffice if you're on a time crunch. Like I said, a review is like a present from someone. When you receive something from someone, or someone does something nice for you? You say "thank you" like your mother always said, because it was nice and they didn't have to do it at all. And whilst some gifts you'd be better off without--like that fugly sweater your Aunt Jane made for you for your birthday that's ten sizes too big and in a really unflattering colour--there are some that you're going to squee about and be really happy over. A review is one of those. So you should say, "Thank you!" because you know what?

No one is obligated to receive reviews.

Granted, you are not obligated to acknowledge them, but it is nice, and it is polite, because someone made the effort to at least tell you, "Hey, I read your fic and liked it."

~*~

I am just going to make this short and sweet and to the point.

You are not obligated to write things just because someone else wants you to.

End of.

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