(no subject)
Jun. 11th, 2011 01:54 pmEdited to add [09/04/2024]:
I'm going to respond to some of the things brought up in the Emblanon comment thread linked below in the original part of the entry. Because I should've done this back then instead of holding myself back. Instead of apologizing for my flaws in my personality, apologizing for things that I couldn't fix overnight, apologizing for saying anything at all. Why am I doing this here and not in replies to those comments in that thread? Because what would the point of that even be when the most recent comment thread on it is from 2014. If you want to know what killed Emblanon, there is a Wankgate comment thread discussing it!
The only person I owed an apology to was Gunlord. I apologized and he accepted it. It wasn't okay for me to be a little harsh when it came to him but it was perfectly okay for a good chunk of the fandom to talk shit about him behind his back in entries and in comments, to link fics he'd recommended or posted himself and roll their eyes before going "classic Gunlord" and pointing out all the things wrong with it.
Anyway. Let me respond to some of this.
The original anon wrote:
This anon probably did the same thing, likely joined in on "poking fun" and the thing is, there is a difference between ribbing on/poking fun of something (it's typically not grounded in being malicious and is more aligned with teasing) and just straight up being an asshole. And also...if you really don't want to be the recipient or participate in conversations like that? Use your words. Say something. Block/unfriend/whatever if necessary. Don't go behind their back on some anon meme to complain about a problem when you could cut out the middleman and say it directly to them in a PM.
But also unless it was a known troll or someone like that Lord Lelouch guy, I don't think I went out of my way to go to someone's profile and "make fun of them". My reviews and my snark were always towards the fics, not the author.
(You tell me you've not gone to someone's profile and giggled about something or another. Go on.)
And yet you are on an anon meme, where drama and wank happen because of people with bones to pick not doing the grown up thing even though it's really hard. The best way to avoid wank is to directly speak your mind to whomever has caused you offence. You're an adult, right? That's what adults do. Yes it's hard, especially if you're friends, but I know I would rather have someone tell me something I did irks them to my face than find out through some anonymous forum I may or may not even be keeping up with or looking at. Because that means you have no intention of doing anything productive and are just looking for people to pat you on the ass.
Because guess what? You got the wank you allegedly didn't want, and did nothing to try and curb it.
(And no, I don't know who this anon is.)
Despite not knowing the identity of this anon (I can't even guess who it could've been), I'm sure they were partaking in the same behaviour but admitting to doing so would make them look bad.
I agree, maybe you should say something regardless of how uncomfortable a conversation that might be because again, that is the adult, mature thing to do.
"A couple of times". What exactly did you say? It might have flown over their (our, since I know you're talking about us) head. A lot of social things do. If you're not direct, chances are we're not going to understand what you're talking about. Especially if it's done off-handedly.
I think these anons are the ones who don't make good friends (as it turns out that's exactly what happened).
(This fandom is the reason why my already very low self esteem was completely non-existent when I left.)
So my name was dropped by the original anon after other anons goaded them into doing so "for the good of the fandom".
Ah I'm guessing this is the reason why we wrote down a list of all the writers who wrote fic for Archanea that we read... FWIW I have gone back through all of my FE tags, especially the fire emblem general fandom tag...and not once did I see any "pretending" that myself and MOTA were the only good writers for Archanea. MOTA was mentioned a lot, sure, but so were other authors (like ones mentioned in the original post below).
OP Anon, I'd like to ask: do you regularly post lists of fics or writers whose works you've read lately? I doubt you do. How do you know that we didn't mention shoutouts in other places, like fandom communities or forums we were part of? But also, why are you so invested in this?
Oh. Right. 'Cause you're looking for another reason as to why I'm such an awful person.
I feel like this whole thing is shitting on someone for having their own opinions. If you want me to be scathingly honest in a review then I will put all of my very honest thoughts into it. However I tend to exercise restraint when it comes to what I put in publicly available constructive criticism because I'm not, contrary to what these people think, an asshole. What I write about someone's fanfiction or what have you in private really is no one's business and if they don't like it then that's okay. They don't have to be here. They don't have to read it. They can unfriend/block/whatever.
Gunlord has entered the chat. Gunlord actually really liked and appreciated the review I left on his fic, and then found an entry in my LJ where I guess I mentioned other things about the fic that I didn't include in the review I posted. A lot of times I would type up the LJ entry to get my thoughts together, decide what was worth including and what wasn't, and then I would write up my fic review and post it, then if anything link that in the entry and post that. Not everything I talk about is "worthy" of being included. That doesn't mean it's all shit talking or the harshest things ever, it's just me sorting out my thoughts.
But I don't think I owe anyone an explanation of how I come up with my fic reviews.
But then you bring it up on an anon meme and give it and others a reason to opine about what my opinions may or may not be on something and what my character as a person is because of that. When I doubt some of these anons really even knew me personally. (Gunlord and I hadn't really conversed until the anon meme.)
I'm pointing this out because we were 19 years old at this point, so freshman-going-into-sophomore year of college. I will agree with this point: Never attribute to malice what can be laid to stupidity, and all that. It was all very young adult stupidity for the most part and being bad in social situations.
But no I'm a terrible person. I'm sorry I'm neurodivergent af and was abused from a young age and that affected my development too. I'm completely irredeemable and not worth being anyone's friend.
(This really is very middle/high school of everyone.)
I'm beginning to see why people were ostracizing us from public fandom activities, because one person said that I should be avoided at all costs because of how much of an asshole I apparently am, and people took that as a fact instead of an opinion. I know I am a person you either love or you hate, because my personality doesn't mesh with a lot of people's. That's not my fault and really nothing I can do about it, it's just personality conflict. Unfriend and move on, or don't friend me from the get go. I won't be offended. I will be offended if you pretend to be my friend and then go to an anon meme to talk shit about me in a place where I may or may not have stumbled upon it. You're such great friends, anons!
Someone said this about me changing my opinion on someone after actually having a lengthy conversation with them (instead of going by what fandom thought of him at the time): I'll believe THAT...wait, never.
Bless your heart, anon. How dare I actually change my opinion. That is not allowed, never, never, ever!!!
That was a joke that would've had a sarcasm tone tag after it had I known what those were at the time since they weren't really a thing. Anyone with reading comprehension would know that that wasn't meant to be taken seriously. But sure. Whatever. I doubt you thought Gunlord was the latest and greatest in FE fandom and were like the rest of us, turning up your nose at him because of how he was presenting himself at the time.
I do appreciate the anon who went "well clearly their opinion changed because you used past tense with were."
(Clearly FE fandom is a fandom in which you can never make jokes regardless of how shitty they might be.)
Not just the LJ faction, they make the entire fandom look bad. And it's only gotten worse since I left! A group of anons ganging up on one person for whatever perceived slight who then cry about how small the fandom is...
I wasn't the one bringing the entire fandom down, it was all of their collective attitudes.
And not for nothing, but this ~wank~ could've been avoided if the original anon just fucking said something in a PM to me despite their flimsy "but it won't do anything!" excuse; you know that that's not what they were after though. They wanted people to surround them with sympathetic asspats going, "I totally agree, anon! That person is the worst! They give fandom a bad name!"
Pretty sure this is the same OP Anon, replying to someone else:
And as I keep saying, you could've avoided wank by saying something in private. "But oh, I've done that before and it's never stuck!" So then you have one other option: unfriend. Wordlessly remove yourself. Might that potentially out you? Yeah. But if you're really avoiding confrontation, the best option is to bow out without a word and move on with your life. And honestly, I rarely checked my friends list on my profile, and I didn't go on my friends page, I read individual LJs, so I wouldn't have known.
But no, I bet you really did want the drama.
The original entry [06/11/2011]]:
This thread on the anon meme is about me (which you will see if you read the whole thing).
I don't know what to say, really, except, "I'm sorry." There are things I am working on and trying to improve--not being snarky, for one thing. But this change isn't going to happen overnight. It's going to be a slow, gradual thing. But I am working on trying to be a better person.
There is one thing I would like to clarify, and that would be assuming that I think Mark and myself are the only good Archanea authors in the fandom.
This statement is entirely false. I do respect Mark as a writer, I do like her fanfiction. This is no secret, I don't even keep it a secret. However, she is not the only writer I read for Archanea. I've read Myaru's stuff, I've read Hitomi's stuff, I'm reading (and behind on reviewing) Scuttlest's Archanea stuff, I liked Gunlord's stuff, and I am not going to mention every last Archanea author I read and enjoy because it's pointless.
Do not make assumptions or put words in my mouth.
But everything else? There is nothing to deny. I have been working on changing how I behave. Whether or not it's noticeable, I don't know. I'd like to think the way I interact with others is different than it has been in the past. It's a constant work in progress, and it won't happen overnight.
All I can say is I'm sorry.
In light of this, I will probably not be really active in fandom for a while as I contemplate some things. I just wanted to apologise, own up to my behaviour, and clarify some things.
Comments are, of course, enabled, and this post is public so, on the off-chance people on the anon meme see this, they can feel free to speak their minds. You can post anon if you'd rather not place a name to your comment.
[EDIT] Another thing that has been brought up was a post I made a couple of months ago about Archanea being my 'turf' or whatever. Yes, I made a post like that. It was a joke. Was it a good one? No. Was it an obvious one? No. I don't know the anon who brought it up, I don't care who the anon was who brought it up, but Gunlord mentioned it, and I apologised for it, as you can see here. I won't make posts like that again, and I haven't since I posted that first one anyway. This experience has shown me that I need to either watch my wording or watch what I say, lest I put my foot in my mouth again.
Once again, I'm sorry. *bows*
I'm going to respond to some of the things brought up in the Emblanon comment thread linked below in the original part of the entry. Because I should've done this back then instead of holding myself back. Instead of apologizing for my flaws in my personality, apologizing for things that I couldn't fix overnight, apologizing for saying anything at all. Why am I doing this here and not in replies to those comments in that thread? Because what would the point of that even be when the most recent comment thread on it is from 2014. If you want to know what killed Emblanon, there is a Wankgate comment thread discussing it!
The only person I owed an apology to was Gunlord. I apologized and he accepted it. It wasn't okay for me to be a little harsh when it came to him but it was perfectly okay for a good chunk of the fandom to talk shit about him behind his back in entries and in comments, to link fics he'd recommended or posted himself and roll their eyes before going "classic Gunlord" and pointing out all the things wrong with it.
Anyway. Let me respond to some of this.
The original anon wrote:
I know people who copy&paste reviews for their fics to me and poke fun of them. Or go to the profiles of the reviewer and make fun of them.
This anon probably did the same thing, likely joined in on "poking fun" and the thing is, there is a difference between ribbing on/poking fun of something (it's typically not grounded in being malicious and is more aligned with teasing) and just straight up being an asshole. And also...if you really don't want to be the recipient or participate in conversations like that? Use your words. Say something. Block/unfriend/whatever if necessary. Don't go behind their back on some anon meme to complain about a problem when you could cut out the middleman and say it directly to them in a PM.
But also unless it was a known troll or someone like that Lord Lelouch guy, I don't think I went out of my way to go to someone's profile and "make fun of them". My reviews and my snark were always towards the fics, not the author.
(You tell me you've not gone to someone's profile and giggled about something or another. Go on.)
I'm tempted to post the most egregious offender [...] but I really don't want to invite wank. [...] I have a lot of trouble with confrontation.
And yet you are on an anon meme, where drama and wank happen because of people with bones to pick not doing the grown up thing even though it's really hard. The best way to avoid wank is to directly speak your mind to whomever has caused you offence. You're an adult, right? That's what adults do. Yes it's hard, especially if you're friends, but I know I would rather have someone tell me something I did irks them to my face than find out through some anonymous forum I may or may not even be keeping up with or looking at. Because that means you have no intention of doing anything productive and are just looking for people to pat you on the ass.
Because guess what? You got the wank you allegedly didn't want, and did nothing to try and curb it.
(And no, I don't know who this anon is.)
Despite not knowing the identity of this anon (I can't even guess who it could've been), I'm sure they were partaking in the same behaviour but admitting to doing so would make them look bad.
at least tell the person privately (PMs, whatever) what a dick move making fun of reviews like that is. Maybe it'll convince them to stop.
I agree, maybe you should say something regardless of how uncomfortable a conversation that might be because again, that is the adult, mature thing to do.
I've tried a couple of times, but I'm doubting anything is very effective.
"A couple of times". What exactly did you say? It might have flown over their (our, since I know you're talking about us) head. A lot of social things do. If you're not direct, chances are we're not going to understand what you're talking about. Especially if it's done off-handedly.
it doesnt sound like the kind of person who it's good to have as a friend anyways
I think these anons are the ones who don't make good friends (as it turns out that's exactly what happened).
(This fandom is the reason why my already very low self esteem was completely non-existent when I left.)
So my name was dropped by the original anon after other anons goaded them into doing so "for the good of the fandom".
Right up there with pretending her and Mark are the only good Archanea writers. Uhm, hello? What about the others who have attempted Archanea? Not worth mentioning in her eyes, I suppose.
Ah I'm guessing this is the reason why we wrote down a list of all the writers who wrote fic for Archanea that we read... FWIW I have gone back through all of my FE tags, especially the fire emblem general fandom tag...and not once did I see any "pretending" that myself and MOTA were the only good writers for Archanea. MOTA was mentioned a lot, sure, but so were other authors (like ones mentioned in the original post below).
OP Anon, I'd like to ask: do you regularly post lists of fics or writers whose works you've read lately? I doubt you do. How do you know that we didn't mention shoutouts in other places, like fandom communities or forums we were part of? But also, why are you so invested in this?
Oh. Right. 'Cause you're looking for another reason as to why I'm such an awful person.
I feel like this whole thing is shitting on someone for having their own opinions. If you want me to be scathingly honest in a review then I will put all of my very honest thoughts into it. However I tend to exercise restraint when it comes to what I put in publicly available constructive criticism because I'm not, contrary to what these people think, an asshole. What I write about someone's fanfiction or what have you in private really is no one's business and if they don't like it then that's okay. They don't have to be here. They don't have to read it. They can unfriend/block/whatever.
Gunlord has entered the chat. Gunlord actually really liked and appreciated the review I left on his fic, and then found an entry in my LJ where I guess I mentioned other things about the fic that I didn't include in the review I posted. A lot of times I would type up the LJ entry to get my thoughts together, decide what was worth including and what wasn't, and then I would write up my fic review and post it, then if anything link that in the entry and post that. Not everything I talk about is "worthy" of being included. That doesn't mean it's all shit talking or the harshest things ever, it's just me sorting out my thoughts.
But I don't think I owe anyone an explanation of how I come up with my fic reviews.
I admit I just went ):T when I saw her entry and shrugged my shoulders, not giving it any more thought
But then you bring it up on an anon meme and give it and others a reason to opine about what my opinions may or may not be on something and what my character as a person is because of that. When I doubt some of these anons really even knew me personally. (Gunlord and I hadn't really conversed until the anon meme.)
back when I started college, I was quite a nasty young man, but the last few years really mellowed me out.
I'm pointing this out because we were 19 years old at this point, so freshman-going-into-sophomore year of college. I will agree with this point: Never attribute to malice what can be laid to stupidity, and all that. It was all very young adult stupidity for the most part and being bad in social situations.
But no I'm a terrible person. I'm sorry I'm neurodivergent af and was abused from a young age and that affected my development too. I'm completely irredeemable and not worth being anyone's friend.
(This really is very middle/high school of everyone.)
I'm beginning to see why people were ostracizing us from public fandom activities, because one person said that I should be avoided at all costs because of how much of an asshole I apparently am, and people took that as a fact instead of an opinion. I know I am a person you either love or you hate, because my personality doesn't mesh with a lot of people's. That's not my fault and really nothing I can do about it, it's just personality conflict. Unfriend and move on, or don't friend me from the get go. I won't be offended. I will be offended if you pretend to be my friend and then go to an anon meme to talk shit about me in a place where I may or may not have stumbled upon it. You're such great friends, anons!
Someone said this about me changing my opinion on someone after actually having a lengthy conversation with them (instead of going by what fandom thought of him at the time): I'll believe THAT...wait, never.
Bless your heart, anon. How dare I actually change my opinion. That is not allowed, never, never, ever!!!
You were aghast at the *idea* of him even posting on "your turf".
That was a joke that would've had a sarcasm tone tag after it had I known what those were at the time since they weren't really a thing. Anyone with reading comprehension would know that that wasn't meant to be taken seriously. But sure. Whatever. I doubt you thought Gunlord was the latest and greatest in FE fandom and were like the rest of us, turning up your nose at him because of how he was presenting himself at the time.
I do appreciate the anon who went "well clearly their opinion changed because you used past tense with were."
(Clearly FE fandom is a fandom in which you can never make jokes regardless of how shitty they might be.)
I think it's more the anon wankers who make the "LJ faction" seem bad, not just one person.
Not just the LJ faction, they make the entire fandom look bad. And it's only gotten worse since I left! A group of anons ganging up on one person for whatever perceived slight who then cry about how small the fandom is...
I wasn't the one bringing the entire fandom down, it was all of their collective attitudes.
And not for nothing, but this ~wank~ could've been avoided if the original anon just fucking said something in a PM to me despite their flimsy "but it won't do anything!" excuse; you know that that's not what they were after though. They wanted people to surround them with sympathetic asspats going, "I totally agree, anon! That person is the worst! They give fandom a bad name!"
Pretty sure this is the same OP Anon, replying to someone else:
I'm in that particular f-list scene up to my own eyeballs and whatever comes down is going to land close to home.
And as I keep saying, you could've avoided wank by saying something in private. "But oh, I've done that before and it's never stuck!" So then you have one other option: unfriend. Wordlessly remove yourself. Might that potentially out you? Yeah. But if you're really avoiding confrontation, the best option is to bow out without a word and move on with your life. And honestly, I rarely checked my friends list on my profile, and I didn't go on my friends page, I read individual LJs, so I wouldn't have known.
But no, I bet you really did want the drama.
The original entry [06/11/2011]]:
This thread on the anon meme is about me (which you will see if you read the whole thing).
I don't know what to say, really, except, "I'm sorry." There are things I am working on and trying to improve--not being snarky, for one thing. But this change isn't going to happen overnight. It's going to be a slow, gradual thing. But I am working on trying to be a better person.
There is one thing I would like to clarify, and that would be assuming that I think Mark and myself are the only good Archanea authors in the fandom.
This statement is entirely false. I do respect Mark as a writer, I do like her fanfiction. This is no secret, I don't even keep it a secret. However, she is not the only writer I read for Archanea. I've read Myaru's stuff, I've read Hitomi's stuff, I'm reading (and behind on reviewing) Scuttlest's Archanea stuff, I liked Gunlord's stuff, and I am not going to mention every last Archanea author I read and enjoy because it's pointless.
Do not make assumptions or put words in my mouth.
But everything else? There is nothing to deny. I have been working on changing how I behave. Whether or not it's noticeable, I don't know. I'd like to think the way I interact with others is different than it has been in the past. It's a constant work in progress, and it won't happen overnight.
All I can say is I'm sorry.
In light of this, I will probably not be really active in fandom for a while as I contemplate some things. I just wanted to apologise, own up to my behaviour, and clarify some things.
Comments are, of course, enabled, and this post is public so, on the off-chance people on the anon meme see this, they can feel free to speak their minds. You can post anon if you'd rather not place a name to your comment.
[EDIT] Another thing that has been brought up was a post I made a couple of months ago about Archanea being my 'turf' or whatever. Yes, I made a post like that. It was a joke. Was it a good one? No. Was it an obvious one? No. I don't know the anon who brought it up, I don't care who the anon was who brought it up, but Gunlord mentioned it, and I apologised for it, as you can see here. I won't make posts like that again, and I haven't since I posted that first one anyway. This experience has shown me that I need to either watch my wording or watch what I say, lest I put my foot in my mouth again.
Once again, I'm sorry. *bows*