do you believe you can walk on water?

Do people want to read about Heero questioning literally everything in his life like I've been doing lately? Wondering why he was never allowed to have a normal childhood and why he got picked to be the """chosen one""" to save the world instead of idk doing dumb kid shit? Probably not. But I'm gonna write it anyway because I write for myself to begin with and I have spent my entire fanfiction writing """career""" more or less projecting onto fictional characters because my life fucking sucked.

anyway. I was actually going to write something else and then I forgot what I was going to write and then came the self-loathing entering the chat and yeah.

The Tinys had their vet appointment today. They both weigh 4.4 pounds so they are literally twinning I guess lol. Health wise they're good and because it took us a while to find, you know, a vet office, we have to start the vaccination series for different shots all over again. Which is whatever. Morticia was very good whereas Bean hated being there lol and the vet gave both of them treats for being so good.

And then Tish serenaded us the entire way home and I'm p sure she told the Void Council that we are awful lol.

Everyone in the office loves their names. Very on brand. They got lots of compliments on how pretty they are and the vet was like, "idk why people don't want black cats they're beautiful and who doesn't want a mini house panther in their home???" Not to mention how affectionate they are.

I had a pretty low mood earlier and Bitty decided she needed to snuggle with her nibi and then Tish and Bean also came into my office and this is why I love cats.

Aleks had been trying to figure out where the fuck we put two external hard disks. I wonder that about a lot of different things none of which are really important in the grandest scheme of everything but Aleks was hyperfocused on that stupid plate and then ended up hyperfocused on these hard disks. These hard disks have all of the recordings we made of Egg. Which who cares about Egg. That's not what he wanted them for.

Because they're 24/7 recordings they also often picked up our cats. And during this time we had Sadie and Saru. So Saru would sing the song of her people or something...and Sadie would demand her meals and just attention. And that's why he wanted them, to hear Sadie again.

Now I remembered where I stashed these in the house downstate. They were in the bedroom in the fabric drawer on the second shelf of the bookcase I regretably had to leave behind. So I knew where they should've been.

Except everything in that drawer was moved into something else.

The thing about Aleks is he's really good at finding things I've lost. And all of that stuff was in my office because it was all journaling and crafting and computer stuff.

"They're in one of these but I don't know what one."
"I know we packed them I just don't know where they actually are right now because they're probably not where they're supposed to be."
"I hate how disorganised everything ended up becoming especially towards the end."

So Aleks ripped my office apart more or less to look for them. Along the way he found a bunch of other useful things and he found something else he'd wondered the location of (the fisherman's knife). But it's like we kept coming up empty when it came to the Seagates.

"Well," I said, "I think they were with this stuff, weren't they?"
Aleks looked at it quick. "I think so."
We have photographic memory so I know where things are and if they get moved then there's a problem because it's not where my mind's eye says they are. And that was the major problem with this move lol. But Aleks started rummaging through and two seconds later...
"Found them."

He sat down and actually broke down crying because it meant he could hear Sadie again.

None of us took Sadie's death easy, of course. Sadie is a beloved member of our family and even though 16-almost-17 is plenty old for a cat (where the average is like 12), I felt like we were robbed tbh and that Sadie could've made it to 18 easily.
But she couldn't or she would've. Right? And she lived such a good life and we have so many happy memories with her and plenty of pictures. We have some video. We have audio.

I think the one who took it hardest was Aleks. She loved her papa so much and he loved her so so much. When we had to help her cross over the Bridge, Aleks insisted he be the one fronting. (Of course I was allowed to front to say goodbye too.) And he lost it. He didn't want to leave her there even though she was gone and that wasn't her anymore. We brought her cremains home and we surprised him with them. You know. "Sadie's home where she belongs again." And he broke the fuck down. On the floor. In the dining room. Just cradling her urn in hysterics. Aleks isn't really a guy who cries. That's not typically an emotion he expresses openly. But he didn't care.

So he broke down over these hard disks because it meant he could hear Sadie's demands for din-din. He hasn't done dinner for the girls since Sadie's passing, because the first one after she was gone was too hard. One less food dish to fill, one less cat to call. He wondered why she wasn't there making demands and went looking for her before remembering...

Aleks said yesterday he wants to start doing din-din with the girls again. He misses it. Even if it's just him feeding Saru and Serena feeding the Tinys (because they're in different areas) until they're all eating more or less the same food...

And even though Tish chose me...she loves her papa more, I think. Even if it's only a little bit more. And what's even cuter is Tish does all of the things that Sadie did with him. The purring, the biscuits, the demands for pets... Demands to be held... She will even curl up with him and sleep. And though Sadie has certainly visited a bunch and I've had a couple... The one who gets the most? Her papa. Sadie loves him still.

You don't understand unconditional and unending love until you have a cat.

So last Friday we reached out to a local insurance agency we were directed to by Progressive as a "well they'll be able to insure your shitty property but we have standards and need you to replace the roof in less than 30 days soooooo byeeeee if you can't lol". Our property is considered "high risk" because of some moss growing on our roof shingles. Our roof is 20 years old and otherwise in okay shape but will need a replacement (likely to slate) in the next ~5 years. Like our inspector said we could power wash the moss off and we would be good to go, and it's not like the whole roof is covered in it, just this one spot because oh no a tree.

The agent we spoke to, Kimberly, was very nice! Very helpful. We love a helpful, nice, knowledgeable insurance person. When she asked where we heard about the agency from, she more or less went, "Oh. Progressive. Yeah, they're really difficult when it comes to old houses." Which is a nice way of saying "oh god these pains in the asses." We sent all the information she needed over including the inspection report which has all sorts of pictures of the property and she said she would send these things off and see what can be done.

I've been filled with anxiety this whole time because our policy with Progressive cancels tomorrow...and we still hadn't heard anything...until yesterday.

Serena got an email going over the policy that Kimberly was able to get for us. It gives us all the coverage that we need plus things like...coverage in the event of a volcanic eruption! Or an airplane falling on our house. (In addition to typical things like fire and storms.) Doesn't cover for flood but flood insurance is typically extra anyway and we don't live close enough to the Chemung River for that to be a problem. They have no problem with our 20 year old roof and so long as we haven't made any homeowner's insurance claims in the past 5 years (which we haven't because this is our first house) or renter's insurance claims (which Serena hasn't), then they were fine.

So we agreed and everything got set up in five minutes on the phone, where Kimberly and Serena talked about their pets lmao. She said that the policy will go into effect at midnight and we'll be all set.

Oh and it's $942 for six months (which is your typical policy period). Progressive was over $1200.

She wanted to know if we were looking into switching over our car insurance now or if we were gonna do that later—no pressure or anything, just that she could start the paperwork for that if it's something we were interested in, otherwise we could stop in or call and get things set up whenever we were ready. We said not at this moment, the homeowner's was more important and Kimberly absolutely understood.

Like I probably wouldn't make a big deal out of it but we need homeowner's insurance for our mortgage. That is one of the conditions for having M&T as our lender. So at some point Serena will have to contact M&T and tell them we switched insurance companies and all they'll do is get the new information and be like "ok" because it's not uncommon for people to shop around not long after closing on a house for something more reasonable and boy did we find reasonable.

Eventually we'll switch auto over and be done with Progressive overall.

~*~
A couple of days ago one of Serena's long time friends messaged her saying that she rescued a cat... Turns out kitty was pregnant. She gave birth in October to five kittens who need homes, so would we be interested? There's no one more fitting.

A lot of people would probably question us getting a new cat considering Sadie's been gone for almost a month. Shouldn't we focus on our grief first? Would we be able to really focus on a new cat or would we be mentally comparing them to the cat we recently lost?

Thing is thought Serena and I talked about getting a second cat sooner rather than later, we were going to start looking after all the major holidays were over and done with. We were gonna look at local shelters and go from there, because we will always adopt or rescue or otherwise be a cat's last stop. (Sadie for instance, we were her third home—she started off as the cat of a family friend and then became my BIL's cat with his now ex-wife and then ended up being Serena's cat and true furever home.)

The Cat Distribution System had other plans, clearly.

Neither of us have ever had literal baby kittens. Serena, who's had cats her whole life, never had any this young, and Saru's my second cat and was a handful as a kitten. We'd both agreed that we wouldn't get a cat younger than like 6 months old max.

But here we were with the prospect of not even two month old kittens to look at.

You don't turn down the CDS. Not to mention if you end up with a cat shortly after one crosses over, this cat is sent from them to help you in your grief. So we couldn't turn down this opportunity because it would mean rejecting a present from Sadie.

SO YESTERDAY we drove the almost two hours to the Rochester area (was technically Chili which Google Maps kept pronouncing as "chill-ee" and it's "chai-lai" don't ask why that's just how it is like it pronounces Elmira as "Ehl-mee-ruh" when it's "Ehl-mai-ruh" smh) and we knew we were in the metro area when it started snowing.

I mean that's typical of this far north eh at least Monroe County's DOT is, you know, on it making sure everything is salted and plowed. So yeah. I got to meet two of Serena's friends that she's known for like 10 or more years and hasn't seen in...uh...quite some time, and the one friend's mom who they live with in this really nice Victorian house. We also got to meet Mamacat who is a quintessential tabby cat and so pretty with light green eyes. She's tiny like Sadie lol.

There were FOUR KITTENS. There were five but someone earlier in the day grabbed the lone girl tabby whose name was Diva and you don't name a cat that unless, you know, she thinks she is one lol. (There is a cat in the family whose name is Diva and she is a very pretty Siamese who knows she's pretty and how dare you even insinuate otherwise.) What remained were two tabby boys, one of whom was up for grabs because they were keeping him, and two void cats.

mini house panthers! tiny sized!

The one that immediately came up to me was named Morticia and the one that came up to Serena was named Espresso. Morticia is very demure, very mindful like Sadie, with a sprinkling of sass since she makes her demands very much known to everyone. She also announced whenever she goes to the litter box lmao (Like how Sadie would announce whenever she was about to vomit everywhere.) She has two small patches of white on her chest and some white hairs dotting along her back like stars. I think she'll be very sleek, very svelte when she's old.

Sadie definitely picked her out.

Espresso is fiesty and will definitely be a huge murder paws when she's older. I'm sure she'll get along with Saru just fine when the time comes and they've been properly introduced and adjusted to each other... I think she's gonna be a floof like her big sister as well...

We were initially going to pick just one cat, but I had joked "what if two cats pick us?"

Which is exactly what ended up happening.

"You could always have a two-for!"

Which would be less stress on them since they would only need to rehome the boy tabby. And Morticia and Espresso were pretty much inseparable...so we took them both. They chose us after all. You don't reject a cat. You don't reject the CDS. You don't reject the new friend your old one sends your way.

So we drove back to Elmira with two void kitties in the backseat in Sadie's old carrier snuggled in her old blanket. Like that our family felt whole again.

Nothing will ever replace Sadie. I haven't introduced Aleks to either of them and won't until everyone's adjusted and comfortable... He said, "I'm glad that two voids chose you and Serena because I don't think I would want another tabby."
"Because you'd be looking for Sadie?"
"It wouldn't be fair to them because they're not my Sadinya, and I don't want that to affect my potential bond with a cat just because I'm too caught up grieving the one I recently lost."
Aleks has seen them, he thinks they're cute (because they are), but he's hanging back. Which is fine.


Morticia (left) and Espresso (right) sleeping in the perch in the catio.


Saru looking in on her little sisters, her eyes filled with curiosity.