do you believe you can walk on water?

Or maybe it's not a new split. I really have no way of knowing.

Back in January I'd made a note in Simply Plural about a voice that said, "031498." When I'd questioned this "voice", that's all it would say, those 6 numbers. I don't know what they mean precisely, or what they could align to. Sebastian says they look like a birth date, but it's not one that matches any of us.

I'd heard nothing since. Until today, when I discovered someone I'd never seen before at the front, petting Saru in the most mechanical fashion, a blank and emotionless look on her face.

(I'm going to use feminine pronouns because this alter appears female; I don't believe they have any sort of biological sex or gender identity, nor do I think they're even human.)

Almost like one of those Barbie dolls with limbs molded in specific positions, like one arm bent and the other straight. It was quite strange to witness. I kept watch, because it's not every day some strange and very much unknown alter arrives, and even stranger when they end up fronting without saying anything to me, the SysAdmin. When I got a closer look at her after a voice said, "Engaging sleep mode..." I realized she looks like one of those balljointed dolls Karu was obsessed with at one point. Not just any balljointed doll, but those expensive Asian ones people customize and dress up and do photo shoots and videos about. Just naked, of course.

(Which is unnerving, to say the least. I almost felt like tapping her shoulder and saying, "Excuse me, ma'am, but if you're going to front you need to at least have basic clothes on.")

The 6pm siren went off as it does every night, which brought this new alter out of "sleep mode". And she noticed me and said nothing, so I had to make the first move.

"Identify yourself."
"031498 Ident. number. My name is TESA."

TESA must be some kind of acronym. I don't know what it stands for though; I don't have anything for it in any documentation and ZED had nothing for me (unsurprisingly).

"What do you do?"
"I am a personal assistant machine who can do whatever task you set out before me."
"Tasks such as?"
"My main focus tasks are emotional labor based, though I am perfectly capable of also doing physical labor as well should it be required."
I didn't ask for any elaboration on "physical labor" tasks, but have no doubt this android or whatever is capable of it.

(I'm not into sexbots.)
(No one here is into fucking robots.)

When I asked TESA to leave the front, she refused and told me, "My work here is not yet finished."
No, no, it is, in fact, finished. I can take it from here. "Whatever you completed is fine. You don't need to do anything further."
She cocked her head like she couldn't parse what I'd said. I don't work with things like artificial intelligence in this capacity. I don't know the "magic phrases" that will get her to do things or stop things.
"Your work is finished. Stop working and leave the front."

I ended up physically removing her myself so I could take control back. She's outside of the front space gawking at a wall.

So...we now have another alter here whose origins I don't even know and I don't even know how I'm going to figure that out because I doubt...TESA...knows. Most alters don't. I do know that Karu had a memory pop up from childhood and we're not sure who "owns" that memory...and now this. I wonder if they're related...

Someone spent $4530 to clear out the second floor of Egg's abode... Some would say I should feel bad, but I don't, because Egg was the one who said she would pay for the clean out and handle everything with it...after discussion.

There was supposed to be a discussion, and there wasn't one. She attempted to call once and then never again on 28 December before starting this on 6 January. I know this because I can see the checks she wrote and who they were to. She is supposed to give 30 days' notice to retrieve whatever was left behind before disposing of it. She is supposed to try multiple times to establish contact before disposing of what is considered someone ese's property. In her not doing so she's opened herself up to a lawsuit. We don't have the time, energy, or funds to pursue anything and Karu isn't that petty, but...all I am saying is, make sure legally you've covered your ass, regardless. Don't just assume because there's no lease or written agreement that you can do whatever you want with someone else's property just because it's "in your house". For all she knew, we weren't done—we'd told her we'd be back.

面白い...

Ah well. We weren't returning anyway so in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter. But imagine if it did? That's what she thinks of us. Garbage to be easily disposed of in a dumpster.

At least we're not paying almost $900 to heat our home ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Godspeed, Egg. I wish you luck in whatever future endeavors you embark on...and the life you most deserve.

*

This Reddit post popped up while I was making lunch: Nmom wanted me to validate her working / grooming me into being her little retirement plan. The title caught my eye of course. What is it with narcissists turning their offspring into a combini 401(k)-long-term-care-plan? Why is this such a common thing?

So I replied, of course, under Karu's account:

Mine only held a job long enough to get married and procreate. Never worked again, not even after her husband died, preferring instead to live off of social security death benefits and her kids. Threatened to kick us out (and ended up kicking my brother out) when we didn't have jobs because money is the only thing she loves and only language she speaks. I was going to be both her retirement and long term care plan once she was no longer able-bodied. Expected me to give up any hopes and dreams, any desire for a life that wasn't to her benefit. All she cares about is money, the value of things, this "you scratch my back I'll scratch yours" way of things. Dangling carrots off of strings to keep everyone in line.

She keeps saying she's such a good person and doesn't deserve being treated like this and yet...she isn't a good person. There's a reason why she has no friends, no family except my Golden Child brother who only does things out of obligation, there is no love there. He expressed how he felt about her treatment of him where he sits on the edge of golden child and scapegoat and ended it with, "But you know all about that, don't you?"

Our nparents will likely die alone somewhere. Maybe their homes or maybe some facility somewhere where they can watch others their age get visited by kids and grandkids and swing by with presents for birthdays and holidays. They did this to themselves. It's sad, sure. But there's nothing we can do for them. If they treated us like loving parents would, we would help them.

That's all they yearn for is validation. Like a 3 year old who comes home from preschool with a picture made of dried macaroni and cotton balls representing the family and excitedly exclaims, "Look what I made!" They want that praise no matter how empty "oh that's nice!" might sound because it makes them feel good. But we can't give them what they want and why should we? They never gave us what we needed from them, just the bare minimum.

(Serena said, "I can tell you wrote this from the first sentence because of how clinical it sounds.")

Why expect any emotion out of me when it comes to Egg, anyway?

(No one expects any emotion out of me when it concerns Egg.)

*

Wegmans is hiring again for pretty much everything, so we've once again put in an application. We'll see what happens.

Session 1: 11:00-13:45 (2.75 hours)

WHAT WAS DONE:
* figures table - keep
* folded down the sides, rotated it, and moved it against the wall
* cleaned it with a cleaning wipe
* area between table and AC
* the first cart - keep
* consolidated everything into one drawer, turned that into a “box”/container
* emptied trash out of reusable bags
* recovered boxes that can be used again

WHAT STILL NEEDS TO BE DONE:
* second cart
* the area in front of the AC to the bookcase

WHAT WILL BE DONE IF POSSIBLE:
* books on the printer tray
* decluttering the desk area
* * where there is likely to be some kind of evidence of rodent activity…

MISCELLANEOUS:
* found mouse droppings right by the first cart
* there were also some by the corner of the computer desk closest to the wall by the baseboard heater in an old food dish
* Serena said she found some in her office space as well…
* no idea if there are any other spots in Karu’s office but so far…there are two.
* we know there are mice in the walls because of Bitty
* not to mention that Bitty caught one a year ago
* found 1 hammer, 1 rubber mallet
* * if Egg asks, we haven’t seen them, last we knew they were with the rest of the tools


Session 2: 15:30-18:00 (2 hours 52 mins)
WHAT WAS DONE TODAY:
* second cart - trash
* * kept the drawers though to use as containers
* the area in front of the AC to the bookcase
* * SO MUCH MOUSE SHIT
* * it seems to not be behind the bookcase unless it’s underneath the baseboard heating idk
* the books on the printer tray
* consolidated a lot of white trash bags into contractor bags
* there are other trash bags that can be shoved into contractor bags but this was to clear space to put things and also who cares if a trash bag is where there’s mouse shit I don’t want boxes there

WHERE WILL WE START TOMORROW?
* decluttering under and around computer desk

WHAT ELSE WILL [HOPEFULLY] BE DONE TOMORROW?
* boxing up whatever wasn’t boxed up in August
* the boxes that are already packed can be taped shut and labelled
* unplug cables from laptop
* box up whatever is left on the desk
* minus computer stuff, that will be handled separately

IF WE GOT ALL THAT, WHAT ELSE CAN WE DO?
* box up books on TV end table

We managed to find a decent amount of boxes that can be reused, so that’s good!

Aleks found…
* ShopRite apron
* * will be great for painting and cleaning because of the pockets!
* grippy gloves (meant for use handling cold/frozen items)
* * can probably also be used for painting and cleaning
* our box cutter from Walmart
* the last missing piece to the RABBIT TEA SET (that keeps haunting him)
* * there should be four cups (and saucers)
* * a teapot (with lid that may or may not be in the RABBIT TEA SET box, but is somewhere safe)
* * a sugar holder (the piece he found today, not yet packed up)
* * the (broken) milk jug
* * * Aleks said he can fix this because it was all big pieces and clean breaks
* * * he found this sandwiched between a box and something soft against the bookcase, like it had fallen off, and considering how high up it was, it couldn’t have been Bitty, so I’m thinking this and the sugar holder were knocked off when that earthquake hit

A NOTE FROM THE FUTURE [02.02.25]:
What we thought were mouse droppings turned out to actually be cockroach droppings which as you can imagine is so much worse than mouse/rodent. Especially since we'd seen some roaches in other, unrelated places but you know that whole saying of "if you see one there's an infestation." By this point we'd seen like. four. What kind of cockroach in particular? German cockroaches, which are notorious for being difficult to eradicate but also, strangely enough, they prefer abandoned buildings and not...really...inhabited dwellings.

Cockroaches are probably the least of Eggberta's problems.

Session 1: 09:00-11:42 (2.22 hours)

WHAT HAS BEEN DONE SO FAR:
* Managed to clean off 99 percent of the garbage and trash on the folding table
* * not to mention most of the trash around the folding table
* the skull canvas bag disintegrated and made a mess that will need to be cleaned up; bag contents went into the plastic shopping bag that has Christmas crafting supplies
* Packed up the rest of the filled journals
* Packed up the knickknacks (“PAGAN ALTAR KNICKKNACKS”) including the incense burner (“FAERIE INCENSE BURNER”)
* the teapot (“RABBIT TEA SET”) top is located inside of the incense burner box
* the katana is in its travel bag by the violin case, the stand is loose and on top of a box on the old GW bookcase
* 2 bags of trash, plus a black bag that only has a small amount of trash in it

WHAT WILL BE PACKED LATER TODAY:
* that crafting metal shelving unit
* what’s left on the folding table
* to then fold the table up to reveal the things underneath it that will need to be packed (either later or tomorrow)

HOPING TO GET TO…
* Nana’s jewellery and jewellery boxes [BEDROOM]
* media tower (DVDs and knickknacks) [K OFFICE]
* underneath folding table
* teal crafting cart

I don’t want to overexert ourselves, especially since we’re not feeling great, so if we only get to the “will be packed” part, that’s perfectly fine. We have Tuesday through Friday to pack and then Friday night things will be put in the car.

Session 2: 12:30-14:13 (2.23 hours)

WHAT HAS BEEN DONE:
* that crafting metal shelving unit
* most of what’s left on the folding table
* * a lot of it is boxed but the boxes aren’t sealed yet
* Got another bag of garbage, it can still have more trash put in it
* A bag of bubble mailers and plastic bags was collected for use as padding delicate/fragile items
* found more ShopRite flyers to use as padding for delicate/fragile items

WHAT WILL BE DONE TOMORROW:
* media tower
* underneath folding table
* teal crafting cart (if possible)

Because that was me this morning.

Here I am, freshly showered after yet another epiphany re: Egg happened and I got angry on Karu's behalf (again), brushing my teeth, when Serena comes in wanting to wash grapes real quick for her breakfast and casually says, "So Eggikins went to the store today. It's on the security camera."

Egg usually goes to the store on Thursdays (and by "Egg goes" I am speaking of a Time Before when Egg actually wanted to do things for herself instead of trying to make everyone around her her servants). But Sunday's incident I guess left Eggikins feeling a certain way, and so to avoid us, I guess she's decided to change her day to Wednesdays until we're out of here so that she can continue to avoid us...? (Even though tomorrow is our last Thursday at the store, she doesn't know that, like she doesn't know our last day of work is the 26th, because she doesn't need to.) After finding out that no, we can't ring you out. Yes, really. (Even if we could, we wouldn't.)

It's like she was offended we couldn't break the rules for her or something 🙄

Anyway that's not the reason for embarrassment. The reason for embarrassment is that when she went outside to wait for the taxi (which she'd probably called for not that long before she went out), after waiting a few minutes, she started to get annoyed. According to Serena, who watched the whole clip with audio on:

She whined something like, "come on why do you take so long?"

Because you're not the only one who uses the taxi service in Port Jervis, Egg. That's why. The particular taxi company you use is the most popular one in the area - they are in high demand (because they are the best taxi service in the area). Unless you set up a specific pickup time in advance, it's first come, first serve. So you were entered into a queue. No matter how prompt they are, they can't magically teleport a taxi to your location right after requesting one.

But it's Egg, who thinks the world revolves around her, and that she is the most important person. Obviously they should know this. Somehow.

So there she stood on the front porch waiting, two (maybe three, it was hard to tell) reusable bags in hand, complaining that there wasn't a taxi two minutes after she'd called for one. I'm kind of surprised she even bothers with the reusable bags, considering ShopRite of Westfall is in Pennsylvania, and there is no plastic bag ban (like in NYS and NJ). But whatever. Those are her bags to keep, we don't need/want them back unless she doesn't want them. I don't know why she didn't just take the bag with all of them (including the reusable produce bags), but that would've made sense, and Egg was too busy complaining about the taxi being unable to warp to her location to care about that, I suppose...

As Serena told me about all of this, my toothbrush hanging from my mouth, all I could think to say was, "Be serious."
"Oh no I am being serious."
"You've got to be joking."
"I am not."
"I want to suffocate myself on my toothbrush." From the embarrassment, knowing that she's being incredibly junior high about all of this. To avoid seeing us at the store, even though she doesn't have to be anywhere near us, she's picked a completely different day until, I'm guessing, we're free of this place.

Which if I have any say in it, will be very, very, very soon. Because I will forego sleep to get everything packed up and cleared out as fast as possible. I don't care at this point. I want us out.

Serena saved the footage to our Google Drive... Here's what she saved it as:


😂

---

That shower epiphany...has to do with Rob's wedding. (Which...I went back and read through Karu's entries about it, because I have no memories of it myself, and it sounded like a complete shitshow.)

1. The fact that Egg contributed nothing to his wedding, not even $100 towards the cake or something, because she was too busy cosplaying poverty while sitting on six figures of cash to even pay for the cake or part of the cake or part of the flowers or something

2. The fact that the meal cost per person was $200, and Egg only gave a gift of $500 - the cost of two meals - when she could've given more than meal cost if she wasn't so stingy (and cosplaying poverty like I said), and then had the audacity to scoff at people who only gave a gift of $25 or $100. You didn't even give them anything, it was a wash.

3. The fact that because Egg was too busy playing the role of "poor, downtrodden old woman down on her luck because she is the Grieving Widow still after seven years," she refused to pay for Karu to get their hair and makeup done by the professional MUA Jenny had coming by the bridal suite... Karu was a bridesmaid and not just that, Karu was the groom's sibling. Karu instead had to tackle this challenge on their own with drugstore makeup and zero knowledge of how makeup is applied or what looks best.

3a. Some might blame this less on Egg and more on the bride because if she wanted everyone to look their best, she should've been footing the bill to ensure everyone was able to get the same level of professionally done styling; an oversight on the bride's part.

The fact that this was the wedding of her beloved baby boy who means the world to her and is the Golden Child makes me realize that Egg literally cares for no one but herself and her money is for her and her only. I don't know why she feels the need to hoard it. She can't take it with her when she dies. It's not like tombs hidden in the sands of Egypt of long dead pharaohs where their money and gems and pets and furniture are all buried in there with them due to their belief that these things somehow transported to the afterlife alongside them.

Do you want to know what I think?

I think Egg is going to die without a penny to her name. She will have to sell her house (which probably hasn't appreciated that much) and whatever possessions are worth money (which aren't many). Some long term care facility for the elderly will take all that they can monetary wise until she has nothing left to give them, in which case the state will step in, she will end up on Medicaid (there's nothing wrong with someone being on Medicaid btw, please don't misconstrue considering we were on it at different points in our adult life), and in some facility that probably no one in their right mind would send their loved one to.

And Egg will realize, all too late, that no one has any love and compassion for her, because they know exactly who and what she is. You can't have compassion for someone like Egg, who is a malignant narcissist, who enjoys playing mind games and employing manipulation tactics in order to best hurt everyone around them; the closer they are, the more hurt they receive. Which is why distance is best, no contact the only way forward.

After all, Egg was the one who said, in response to Serena telling her that she's not getting our new address, “Oh well that’s good! I’m glad! I don’t wanna know your address.” Egg was the one who added in after, “I don’t wanna know your life, I don’t wanna know ANYTHING.”

We will all have to face our mistakes and live with whatever the consequences of our actions are. Good and bad. For us, the consequence to us leaving is being saddled with a mortgage payment...and also our healing journey... As for Egg... The outcome for her is less positive.

After all, the seeds of the chaos and discord she's sown in the past are starting to blossom... Eventually they will bear fruit...that we won't be around to witness rot in her hands.

I told her not to fuck with me. But she fucked with me. She fucked with Serena. She fucked with Karu, which is why I had to step in and help orchestrate our escape.

Egg's fucked around. She's at the find out stage now. Do unto others as you would have done unto you. Isn't that the "Golden rule" they taught you in Sunday school, Egg? Treat others how you want to be treated.

It's very telling how you would like to be treated, considering how little you care about how much hurt you dole out to everyone around you. There's no fixing you.

There's no fixing this situation.

The only "fix" is to leave and cut off all ties.

Yesterday when we got home (with Egg's groceries that I paid enough mind to so that her eggs didn't break), staring at us from the little "inbox" we have for our mail to get sorted into was an envelope from Charles Schwab.

The check was here.

I couldn't give anything away as I plonked Egg's groceries down on the kitchen table, because if she knew then she would make conversation, and I don't want her to make any conversation with me unless absolutely necessary.

(It's never necessary.)

As soon as I was able to get away, I absconded upstairs with the check. I said nothing as I entered the bedroom; I simply held the envelope up so Serena could see it.
"Oh my god, is that...?!"
I handed it over to her. She tore the envelope open and pulled the note out. Attached via perforation was the check for Too Much Money...but enough of course for us to close on the house.
Once the check's been deposited and the funds are available, that is. M&T will have to verify that yes, these are the correct amount of funds, they were legally obtained, and they don't require any kind of "gift letter".

Once they've done that... We should be able to schedule closing. That is the final step: initiating closing, which they're already in the process of drafting up a bunch of paperwork for.

Last night we went to the bank after closing (we had to wait for Egg to go to bed so we didn't have to answer her banal questions). She deposited the check into her account. It was such a surreal moment.

I've promised Karu for years that I would get them out of this situation. That I would get them away from this...contemptible vermin. I don't see Egg as human, she lacks all of the attributes that most of humanity possesses. She is a narcissist which means she lacks empathy and has zero sense of compassion.

There are many things I could say about Egg and they all cite either entries Karu's made here as far back as 2005 or transcripts of audio we've recorded as my source for my ire. She doesn't care about Karu and the only times she ever has is because she can somehow benefit. It's only for monetary reasons and Egg is about to lose her main source of income.

"You have to grow up sometime," to quote Clyde Cash. At the age of 70 Egg will have to be an adult for the first time ever. She will have to do things herself, like get her own groceries. She tried to ensure Karu couldn't function as an adult but I thwarted her at every single step and turn. I will continue to do so until we are out of here.

I want Karu to stop surviving and instead thrive.

And they will. All of the elements are there for them to flourish. It's just getting them out of here.

Once we're out of here we can work on Karu being able to heal. To dismantle and unlearn all of the bullshit Egg's filled their head with...and replace it with good things. Useful things. That they're not a burden on anyone. That they're allowed to have feelings and thoughts of their own. That they are allowed to be a separate person from Egg.

Any normal parent would want their child to grow up and become self sufficient. To leave the proverbial nest, spread their wings, and soar far away. Why is Karu the only one disallowed from doing so when Rob and Michael were allowed to do so?

Because Rob is the "golden child" and Michael is the discarded scapegoat.

Well I don't care what Egg does or doesn't "allow", because Karu is leaving whether she likes it or not. She can deal with me if she doesn't like it, and I'm not someone you fuck with.

Egg's gonna end up finding that out, I'm sure.

I can be a pretty easy-going guy, but when it comes to Karu I am admittedly very protective. You could say it's part of my job.

No names, no numbers, no addresses. Forget I was here, forget we exist. You deny and invalidate all of Karu's diagnosed medical conditions anyway, one might ask why I would waste my time with someone like Egg.

Better me than Karu. She's not getting anything further from Karu. Egg already doesn't like me - whenever I'm out fronting, she says nothing and purposely ignores us (which is fine). When Duo is fronting she's more apt to talk.

I think she's afraid of me.

(She should be.)

Serena can tell whenever I'm fronting because she can sense an aura of intimidation that I've heard is "borderline scary feeling".

Maybe Egg can sense the same, even though she's insisted for years I don't exist and Karu's just making me up. Karu can't be anywhere near the level of intimidation I command.