do you believe you can walk on water?

This morning was A Lot... The anxiety from what happened is very slowly leaving... I'm not going to rehash everything that happened in detail, because there isn't much of a point. There are important takeaways...

Egg's "mask" fell off today. Completely. She tried coming after me, but my wife made sure to protect me (especially since I was asleep). It led to disparaging comments about how messy everything is (it's not like we're busy packing for a move happening soon or anything). She left the door open so the cats could've gotten out (not that she would've cared, it's not like she likes them). We got her to go back downstairs where she belongs, because she has no business coming up here especially if she's going to be abusive. Once downstairs...the mask really came off. Fully.

She said once we're out of here, she is washing her hands of us (as if we weren't going to go complete no contact with her, which we've said many times). She doesn't want to know our new address, which is fine because I had no intention of telling her. She doesn't care what happens to us once we're done here, that we'll "get what we deserve".

I will get what I deserve. A beautiful house in the beautiful Southern Tier/Finger Lakes region of New York, with our cats, filled with our favourite things, with a garden filled with garden gnomes and little cups you can put with your flowers so that bees can take a drink and relax a bit before going off to do more pollinator things. We'll be able to see family more, where I know I'm wanted and loved and appreciated. I have my wife who loves me and will fight for me to the ends of the earth and beyond because she wasn't raised to let someone treat the person she loves like garbage.

I told her that she's already getting what she deserves. She didn't like that comment. She said that my grandparents (her parents) would've sided with her and would've been so ashamed of me. My grandmother, my nan, the epitome of "being a lady", absolutely loved and adored me. I'm sure she still does. She would've been absolutely appalled at how I'm being treated. At least whenever I say a cross word to this cracked egg of a human, I apologise to my nan, because Egg is (unfortunately) her daughter, and my nan knows that I am not this horrible person. I know this.

Egg finally admitted that she absolutely hates Terri. "Everything was fine until you came along." Everything was fine because you were able to get away with manipulating and gaslighting the absolute shit out of me, and then Terri came along and showed me what love is supposed to feel like. Her parents have shown me more love and affection in the short amount of time Terri and I have been together than Egg's ever shown me my entire fucking life. You can be mad that I call my mother-in-law "Mom" if you want but Sherri has been more of a mom to me than you ever were, Egg. And that's the gospel fucking truth.

Not only does she hate my wife she also said that Terri is manipulating me and my brother Michael is helping her do so.
Lol.
Lmao.
I am my own person. The only one who ever manipulated me is you, you harpy. You sorry excuse for flesh and bones turned sentient.

Oh, and apparently we should be "over" our dad. We should be "done with grieving". You're never "done" grieving, especially when it's a parent, unless you no longer feel any love or affection towards that person; grief is an extension of love that now no longer has a recipient. Just because you said you were glad he was dead, doesn't mean we feel the same. I will be grieving my dad for the rest of my life, until I meet up with him in the next. Don't tell me I should be "over it".

Then again as a narcissist you don't have any empathy or compassion because those parts of your brain are either underdeveloped or missing entirely. All narcissists are psychopaths (but not all psychopaths are narcissists; most of them aren't, in fact) and as a result they have absolutely zero regard for humanity. It's all about them.

"Sometimes I wish I had died instead. Things would've been better."
Yeah, probably, but we don't know that and we won't know that because that isn't what happened; the past is a done deal and every second that passes can't be changed. There is a saying: the good die young and the bad linger. Dad was a good man with faults like anyone else (as a result of his very turbulent childhood). He died at 56 which his brother (who was iirc in his 70s at the time, and in poor health) didn't understand because he didn't deserve to go at not even 60. He never got to retire. He never got to meet his granddaughter, or see me get married. He never got to see any of his three kids get married.

Egg abused her husband, and at least two of her kids; my eldest brother was (and maybe still is) the golden child. Michael and I are the scapegoats, the discarded, the lost. It won't be long before Rob ends up becoming a scapegoat too. He doesn't bring his daughter around Egg and that's probably within reason. Look at all this fuckery.

As my brother likes to say, "life isn't fair." Life isn't fair to anyone for different reasons. That's just how the universe works. But I believe in Karma, and she is hard at work...for both of us. Karma gives good blessings as well as curses. Maybe down the line karmic justice will find me, maybe it won't. But it's certainly found Egg, who tried to use not only my deceased and dearly departed grandparents (especially my grandmother) against me, but my dad too. She's tried to turn my wife against me. She has tried to isolate everyone and anyone she could so that she had full and complete control over me.

And I would've had the last laugh because I would've taken myself out. Narcissistic abuse is the worst form of abuse because it often combines physical, verbal, and emotional abuse into one; the emotional abuse is so insidious that it permanently fucks you up, and the verbal abuse leaves you absolutely reeling. It's no wonder many people complete suicide because of it.

I'm no one's retirement plan. I'm no one's eldercare. I'm no one's paycheck, servant, maid, chauffeur...Instacart... I am not a thing.

I'm a person.

And I married someone who finally let me see that, because she has done nothing but treat me like I am a person with my own feelings, my own thoughts, my own opinions and wants and desires. My own interests. My own goals.

So you know what, Egg? It's fine if you discard me. Mom and Dad will be more than happy to have me.

And before anyone can ask... Yes, actually, she did the exact same thing to my brother, the son that she discarded. And you know what else else? I wouldn't be surprised if eventually she does the same thing to her remaining child. But hey, I don't think Egg cares if she dies alone...

She'll have her money, after all. The only thing she ultimately cares about.

(Added in a comment:) Oh one thing I forgot to add (because I just found it out thru Terri): Egg felt she deserved a medal for doing the bare minimum for parenting!!!

S: Wow you did the bare–
E: Ohhhhhh—
S: –minimum as a parent, you took your child with you.
E: Oh yeah riiiiight!
S: What do you want, a fucking medal?
E: Yeah, I do!
S: Uh huh.
E: Uh huh!
S: Yeah you definitely don’t deserve it Ms. I—“You Definitely Can’t Have Any of This Food Here Except This Cheap Ass Ramen Noodles Because You Don’t Bring Any Money Into the House”
E: What?
S: Yeah. I’m–I’m just gonna grab whatever the hell I was gonna grab, LOOK FOR MY CAT, and get back to work because I don’t have the time to waste with a toddler having a temper tantrum. ‘Cause that’s literally what it’s like with you.
E, dejectedly: Yeah right.
S: Have a good rest of whatever today is!
E: Yeah right, thanks for nothin’!