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omaewokorosu[Aleks takes a deep breath before letting it out in a long, drawn out sigh. His arms are crossed as he stares into the middle ground like this is an episode of The Office (a show Aleks has never seen but has absorbed thanks to all of the memes). He blinks. He stares at the Youtube video playing on the TV in the bedroom and tries to figure out how to even talk about this.
Because how do you talk about the things that Eggberta even does?
He sighs again and pinches his nose.]
It is almost 13:30 (as of me typing this up). This all happened about an hour or so ago, probably closer to two hours ago. I'm struggling to begin this tale because my mind is still trying to comprehend what happened.
[He shrugs.]
Our anxiety has been a low hum thanks to not working in retail at this current moment. The only thing we need to bother ourselves with is the prospect of moving...which should be completely done by Wednesday. It's Friday. There is still so much left to do yet not so much left to do at the same time, at least when it comes to this shamble of a habitat I do not feel comfortable calling a house at this time.
(It sure as hell isn't a "home".)
But of course Eggberta always spikes our anxiety when she starts with her shit, and I may need a larger dose to deal with this creature who dwells on the first floor of this dwelling. I'd call an exterminator but no amount of money will bring them out here to deal with this abnormally large cockroach, and also, it's not my property that I'm paying half of the mortgage on, so I don't care. The cockroach can scavenge to its little heart's content. As it does. Because that's what pests always do.
Starting tomorrow, we're not going to be living here "full time" anymore; one might argue we won't be here even "part time". We will be here after dark settles in to grab what's left of our stuff, take a quick nap on the bed we're leaving here, and then head back out on the road before the cockroach stirs again. And come Wednesday we are done with this place, just in time for Thanksgiving.
(And before you say something, yes, I know that cockroaches are largely nocturnal when it is less likely to encounter food competition. This cockroach in particular is a morning bird.)
No forwarding address.
I'm glad you asked.
Karu, being someone with moderate chronic fatigue who has been running on maybe one and a half spoons for the past month or so, wanted to have a quick nap. Got all comfortable under their fuzzy penguin blanket where the faux fur feels exactly like Sadie's fur...only to hear our deadname.
Immediate anxiety. Bitty perked up because she doesn't like this voice, it's always loud and yelling and screaming over one minor thing or another. What does this woman want? And why is she screaming for us like the world is ending? She's scaring our cat now, who is in Protecc Mode.
So Karu asks her what she wants.
"You didn't pay November's rent!"
That can't be. At the end of each month on the last day I set up all of our bill payments. She's always the first one I pay, followed by our Barnes and Noble mastercard, our Capital One cards, and then Serena. Every single month. And I know I scheduled it. So I went into our banking app and checked.
No record.
I know I paid it. I keep a spreadsheet of our finances and it says it was paid on the first of the month like it always is. So as she's yelling and screaming downstairs I'm trying to figure out what happened. I do remember having problems with M&T's banking app that day (which isn't unusual). It turns out the transfer for whatever reason just never went through. Technology!
[He does that SpongeBob "imagination" meme.]
So all I did was re-initiate the transfer and everything was all set. $294 to bring her to...almost $19,000 in her checking account.
I get that $300 can make or break most people these days, but Egg is not. Egg is fine and gets over $2k a month in retirement social security benefits that aren't hers but her deceased husband's. She's not hurting for money, but that is the only love of Eggberta's life.
So all was fine, or so I mistakenly thought. Suddenly I hear yelling again, though not for us. Upon investigation (by me standing by our office door), I could hear her talk about how something was in her name ("it's in my name!") and how disgusted she was ("I'm just so disgusted!") and how much she wanted to vomit ("It just makes me wanna vomit!"). And because I came in at the tail end of this tantrum, I had no idea what she was even talking about.
That isn't the end of this. Things were okay for a bit and there is more yelling, this time at us (though nothing mentioning the deadname). What was she yelling about?
Somewhere sandwiched in there was "you have to pay the rent otherwise I'm cutting the internet off!"
Here's the thing: yes, the account is in her name - Serena and I pay for it. That's what the $94 a month is for. Her threatening internet access would directly impact Serena's job and is an incredibly vindictive, not to mention petty, thing to threaten, let alone do. Also, she would lose her landline in the process.
I didn't purposely set out to not pay anything, it was all set up to be paid and due to a technical error the payment didn't go through. I fixed it. It was taken care of. She's acting like I stiffed her and it was all part of some "mastermind plot" against her.
Also your wish will be granted very, very soon, Eggikins. Don't you worry.
So in headspace I have six kids. My youngest is almost a year old and the second youngest turned six not that long ago. The reason why I bring this up is to say that I am a dad and I am used to dealing with small children. Toddlers. I have a "dad mode" when it comes to dealing with my young kids.
The reason I bring this up is because any time I have to deal with Egg, I go into ~Dad Mode~. Essentially: "Oh, honey, I see that you have some big feelings you'd like to express! That was quite the tantrum. Would you like to tell Daddy your feelings?"
Yeah.
Because here is the thing: Egg is stomping around yelling and screaming and crying ("shaking and crying" as they used to say on the internet back in the day), throwing baseless accusations around and jumping to conclusions...when she could've just opted to have a dialogue, adult-to-adult, and asked some basic questions like
and I would've said
which would've led to
and that would've been the end of it.
Instead, she's making it out like we're screwing her over and it's all part of some plan because we're secreting plotting against her.
All I'm plotting is how to get us out of here before the end of the month.
(I would like to quote what Duo interjected as I was typing this:
When it comes to trying to kick us out, it doesn't matter if we're family, friends, or complete strangers: she has to go through the legal eviction process, and because of how long we've lived here, she would have to give us 90 days to vacate and serve us a formal eviction notice. If she doesn't go through the proper channels and the correct legal process, we could sue her for not doing so.
Might I remind you, Egg, that the daughter-in-law you hate to acknowledge the existence of knows how the eviction process works. I know, we're all big meanie dum-dums to you, we know nothing. You clearly went to law school and passed the barr exam and clearly know what you're talking about, right? That's why there's the Esquire part of your nickname. You think you know everything.
(She doesn't.)
I've lost track of how many times this cockroach has tried to kick us out over the years. Since we were 18 it has to have been at least half a dozen times.
As if we don't have a place of our own to go to and that us being here is temporary now.
(Today is also Serena's last shift before her week long "vacation", so it wouldn't affect anything anyway, but it's the principle of it.)
So I called her out on everything and though she tried to interrupt, I didn't let her.
Where is the laugh track that begs to be inserted here?
I'm even more exhausted recounting this tale.
I wonder how long it'll take her to figure out we're not coming back after Wednesday? There will be no December rent payment, Eggberta, and it won't be because of a transfer that never went through, but because we left without bothering to tell you. Because you don't need to know.
This is why you shouldn't be an asshole for no reason to people, Egg. You would've been informed once we closed on the house, we would've been able to actually have movers and get everything out in a non-rushed fashion.
But no.
Instead, we had to do the move that everyone else makes when escaping from a narcissist: grabbing whatever is important and running. No furniture. Just what we need or want. The rest, Egg can do whatever she wants with it.
There are a few things that we still need to do once we're Officially Out of Here...namely having to do with bank accounts. For one thing, we have to update our address with the bank, which requires going to a branch (any branch) and giving the new address. We also want to open up a new bank account that is joint with Serena so we can just have all of our money go there instead of all the Venmo transfer shit. And finally, I would like to take our name off of the joint account with Egg, because we don't need access to her bank account anymore, and especially after today, I don't need any further false accusations.
Then we will officially be completely done.
Oh yeah, Karu is fully aware; they were the one who suggested we do this in the first place and I just went along with it because, in my opinion, this is the best and easiest way to do things. Starting fresh, more or less, with the things that we care about most and whatever else we might want to bring.
Does it suck? Kind of. Karu sees it in a more positive light than a negative one. I think because then they can get furniture that is theirs and Serena's. Pick out things for their living room, things like that. This bedroom set (what's left of it) for instance has served Karu well for almost 30 years, but it is way overdue for Karu to have an actual adult bedroom with adult bedroom furniture instead of something that is so obviously meant for an elementary school girl.
Like something I would buy for my nine year old.
Karu is excited to do furniture shopping, to buy things from IKEA or Big Lots or Ollie's...there's a Raymour and Flanigan I think not that far, and most of these places deliver if you order off their website, so...
Part of it was cost but the major factor was, how big of a tantrum would Egg end up throwing? Would she even let these people inside her house without kicking up some sort of fuss? Would we have to get police involved? Considering Egg keeps getting more and more unhinged by the week, I wouldn't put it past her to try something (even though she keeps yelling during her narcissistic rage fits that she "can't wait" for us to leave and that she "hopes it's soon"). Not to mention...because Egg is so unhinged, us taking what's left of the bedroom set might be seen as something by Egg. "Oh, you hate me, but you'll still take the furniture I bought you back in 1995!" This way we're not taking this furniture set that obviously means we've sworn complete and utter loyalty to you for the rest of our days... /s
The money we would use for movers we can use to buy replacement furniture and the two major appliances we're still missing (washer and dryer). More "bang for our buck", as they say.
We can move things ourselves no problem, so long as it fits in the car... Which all of this should. The Focus is bigger than people think and I'm glad we have that and not the Versa, because nothing else would've fit really, and we would've needed movers for the things we do plan on taking...which when you compare it to all the things we're leaving, is practically nothing.
Tonight we're packing up the car with all of the things we are able to. Obviously certain things will have to wait (like any electronics) but the important thing to get in there is that one table Karu has that Egg gave them. Why is that important to do tonight? So that Egg doesn't see it and accuse us of stealing our own things again.
Tomorrow, we're bringing Bitty up to her new home.
Two reasons:
So Saru is coming with us tomorrow. Which is fine, because starting tomorrow, we're not going to really be in Port, only to pack up the car with more things and bring them home. So from Saturday to Wednesday, that's going to be us. There will be major sleep deprivation and just all around exhaustion, but it'll be worth it to be out of here.
I can see the finish line. It's just a matter of keeping everything going so we can hit it within time.
Because how do you talk about the things that Eggberta even does?
He sighs again and pinches his nose.]
It is almost 13:30 (as of me typing this up). This all happened about an hour or so ago, probably closer to two hours ago. I'm struggling to begin this tale because my mind is still trying to comprehend what happened.
[He shrugs.]
Our anxiety has been a low hum thanks to not working in retail at this current moment. The only thing we need to bother ourselves with is the prospect of moving...which should be completely done by Wednesday. It's Friday. There is still so much left to do yet not so much left to do at the same time, at least when it comes to this shamble of a habitat I do not feel comfortable calling a house at this time.
(It sure as hell isn't a "home".)
But of course Eggberta always spikes our anxiety when she starts with her shit, and I may need a larger dose to deal with this creature who dwells on the first floor of this dwelling. I'd call an exterminator but no amount of money will bring them out here to deal with this abnormally large cockroach, and also, it's not my property that I'm paying half of the mortgage on, so I don't care. The cockroach can scavenge to its little heart's content. As it does. Because that's what pests always do.
Starting tomorrow, we're not going to be living here "full time" anymore; one might argue we won't be here even "part time". We will be here after dark settles in to grab what's left of our stuff, take a quick nap on the bed we're leaving here, and then head back out on the road before the cockroach stirs again. And come Wednesday we are done with this place, just in time for Thanksgiving.
(And before you say something, yes, I know that cockroaches are largely nocturnal when it is less likely to encounter food competition. This cockroach in particular is a morning bird.)
No forwarding address.
So what happened today, Aleks, that's got you worked up and writing a Dreamwidth entry like you're writing the beginnings of a horror story?
I'm glad you asked.
Karu, being someone with moderate chronic fatigue who has been running on maybe one and a half spoons for the past month or so, wanted to have a quick nap. Got all comfortable under their fuzzy penguin blanket where the faux fur feels exactly like Sadie's fur...only to hear our deadname.
Immediate anxiety. Bitty perked up because she doesn't like this voice, it's always loud and yelling and screaming over one minor thing or another. What does this woman want? And why is she screaming for us like the world is ending? She's scaring our cat now, who is in Protecc Mode.
So Karu asks her what she wants.
"You didn't pay November's rent!"
That can't be. At the end of each month on the last day I set up all of our bill payments. She's always the first one I pay, followed by our Barnes and Noble mastercard, our Capital One cards, and then Serena. Every single month. And I know I scheduled it. So I went into our banking app and checked.
No record.
I know I paid it. I keep a spreadsheet of our finances and it says it was paid on the first of the month like it always is. So as she's yelling and screaming downstairs I'm trying to figure out what happened. I do remember having problems with M&T's banking app that day (which isn't unusual). It turns out the transfer for whatever reason just never went through. Technology!
[He does that SpongeBob "imagination" meme.]
So all I did was re-initiate the transfer and everything was all set. $294 to bring her to...almost $19,000 in her checking account.
I get that $300 can make or break most people these days, but Egg is not. Egg is fine and gets over $2k a month in retirement social security benefits that aren't hers but her deceased husband's. She's not hurting for money, but that is the only love of Eggberta's life.
So all was fine, or so I mistakenly thought. Suddenly I hear yelling again, though not for us. Upon investigation (by me standing by our office door), I could hear her talk about how something was in her name ("it's in my name!") and how disgusted she was ("I'm just so disgusted!") and how much she wanted to vomit ("It just makes me wanna vomit!"). And because I came in at the tail end of this tantrum, I had no idea what she was even talking about.
That isn't the end of this. Things were okay for a bit and there is more yelling, this time at us (though nothing mentioning the deadname). What was she yelling about?
* About how she was going to throw us out
* How she was going to cancel the internet or otherwise have Spectrum take the modem (that she needs to use her phone since it's not actual phone service but VoIP) so that we had no internet (which would fuck with Serena's job since she is work from home/remote)
* How dare we do this to her, it's an insult, etc.
* She can't wait for us to leave and it can't happen soon enough but she hopes that it's really soon
Somewhere sandwiched in there was "you have to pay the rent otherwise I'm cutting the internet off!"
Here's the thing: yes, the account is in her name - Serena and I pay for it. That's what the $94 a month is for. Her threatening internet access would directly impact Serena's job and is an incredibly vindictive, not to mention petty, thing to threaten, let alone do. Also, she would lose her landline in the process.
I didn't purposely set out to not pay anything, it was all set up to be paid and due to a technical error the payment didn't go through. I fixed it. It was taken care of. She's acting like I stiffed her and it was all part of some "mastermind plot" against her.
Also your wish will be granted very, very soon, Eggikins. Don't you worry.
So in headspace I have six kids. My youngest is almost a year old and the second youngest turned six not that long ago. The reason why I bring this up is to say that I am a dad and I am used to dealing with small children. Toddlers. I have a "dad mode" when it comes to dealing with my young kids.
The reason I bring this up is because any time I have to deal with Egg, I go into ~Dad Mode~. Essentially: "Oh, honey, I see that you have some big feelings you'd like to express! That was quite the tantrum. Would you like to tell Daddy your feelings?"
Yeah.
Because here is the thing: Egg is stomping around yelling and screaming and crying ("shaking and crying" as they used to say on the internet back in the day), throwing baseless accusations around and jumping to conclusions...when she could've just opted to have a dialogue, adult-to-adult, and asked some basic questions like
Hey, did you pay this month's rent? I don't see it on my bank statement.
and I would've said
Huh, that's strange! I know I set up the bank transfer on the 31st... Let me see what's going on. ... ...ah! It looks like there was a technical issue and it wasn't able to complete the transfer. I can pay it today.
which would've led to
Oh okay! Thanks for checking, I didn't know what happened and I know you normally don't miss any payments.
and that would've been the end of it.
Instead, she's making it out like we're screwing her over and it's all part of some plan because we're secreting plotting against her.
All I'm plotting is how to get us out of here before the end of the month.
(I would like to quote what Duo interjected as I was typing this:
Was her 'threat' to cancel the internet like a parent grounding their kid and unplugging the internet modem or changing the wifi password??)
When it comes to trying to kick us out, it doesn't matter if we're family, friends, or complete strangers: she has to go through the legal eviction process, and because of how long we've lived here, she would have to give us 90 days to vacate and serve us a formal eviction notice. If she doesn't go through the proper channels and the correct legal process, we could sue her for not doing so.
Might I remind you, Egg, that the daughter-in-law you hate to acknowledge the existence of knows how the eviction process works. I know, we're all big meanie dum-dums to you, we know nothing. You clearly went to law school and passed the barr exam and clearly know what you're talking about, right? That's why there's the Esquire part of your nickname. You think you know everything.
(She doesn't.)
I've lost track of how many times this cockroach has tried to kick us out over the years. Since we were 18 it has to have been at least half a dozen times.
As if we don't have a place of our own to go to and that us being here is temporary now.
(Today is also Serena's last shift before her week long "vacation", so it wouldn't affect anything anyway, but it's the principle of it.)
So I called her out on everything and though she tried to interrupt, I didn't let her.
Me, my tone neutral and very much wow, sweetheart, you made that macaroni card for me? sounding: "I just paid it."
Egg, still torqued up: "You paid it?"
Me, deadpan: "Yeah."
Egg, almost comically angry: "Well why didn't you pay it sooner??"
Me, still deadpan: "I did, but the payment didn't go through."Where is the laugh track that begs to be inserted here?
Egg, angrily shocked: "Why?????"
Me in the verbal equivalent of an eyeroll: "Because of a technical glitch."
Egg, like a toddler who finally accepts your answer to where your poop goes when you flush a toilet: "So it's in there now?"
Me, thankful that none of my kids are like this: "Yeah."
Egg, like a toddler who discovered that gravity applies to all objects in the universe, including her: "Oh okay. I didn't know what was going on!"
Me, in my Dad Voice TM: "So instead of asking questions in a calm manner and having an adult conversation, you decided to start yelling and screaming like a child and throwing around baseless accusations?"
Egg: [completely stunned into silence]
Egg, like a child who got caught sneaking snacks right before dinner was served: "Well I didn't know what was going on."
Me, too tired to deal with a 70 year old toddler for a second time today: "That's why you ask questions instead of jumping to conclusions that I do not appreciate."
Egg, back to normal now: "So you're all paid up for November then, and will pay December on the first like you normally do."
Me, not showing any of the cards in my hand: "Yeah."I'm even more exhausted recounting this tale.
I wonder how long it'll take her to figure out we're not coming back after Wednesday? There will be no December rent payment, Eggberta, and it won't be because of a transfer that never went through, but because we left without bothering to tell you. Because you don't need to know.
This is why you shouldn't be an asshole for no reason to people, Egg. You would've been informed once we closed on the house, we would've been able to actually have movers and get everything out in a non-rushed fashion.
But no.
Instead, we had to do the move that everyone else makes when escaping from a narcissist: grabbing whatever is important and running. No furniture. Just what we need or want. The rest, Egg can do whatever she wants with it.
There are a few things that we still need to do once we're Officially Out of Here...namely having to do with bank accounts. For one thing, we have to update our address with the bank, which requires going to a branch (any branch) and giving the new address. We also want to open up a new bank account that is joint with Serena so we can just have all of our money go there instead of all the Venmo transfer shit. And finally, I would like to take our name off of the joint account with Egg, because we don't need access to her bank account anymore, and especially after today, I don't need any further false accusations.
Then we will officially be completely done.
Does Karu understand what they're doing with this?
Oh yeah, Karu is fully aware; they were the one who suggested we do this in the first place and I just went along with it because, in my opinion, this is the best and easiest way to do things. Starting fresh, more or less, with the things that we care about most and whatever else we might want to bring.
Does it suck? Kind of. Karu sees it in a more positive light than a negative one. I think because then they can get furniture that is theirs and Serena's. Pick out things for their living room, things like that. This bedroom set (what's left of it) for instance has served Karu well for almost 30 years, but it is way overdue for Karu to have an actual adult bedroom with adult bedroom furniture instead of something that is so obviously meant for an elementary school girl.
Like something I would buy for my nine year old.
Karu is excited to do furniture shopping, to buy things from IKEA or Big Lots or Ollie's...there's a Raymour and Flanigan I think not that far, and most of these places deliver if you order off their website, so...
But why not order movers?
Part of it was cost but the major factor was, how big of a tantrum would Egg end up throwing? Would she even let these people inside her house without kicking up some sort of fuss? Would we have to get police involved? Considering Egg keeps getting more and more unhinged by the week, I wouldn't put it past her to try something (even though she keeps yelling during her narcissistic rage fits that she "can't wait" for us to leave and that she "hopes it's soon"). Not to mention...because Egg is so unhinged, us taking what's left of the bedroom set might be seen as something by Egg. "Oh, you hate me, but you'll still take the furniture I bought you back in 1995!" This way we're not taking this furniture set that obviously means we've sworn complete and utter loyalty to you for the rest of our days... /s
The money we would use for movers we can use to buy replacement furniture and the two major appliances we're still missing (washer and dryer). More "bang for our buck", as they say.
We can move things ourselves no problem, so long as it fits in the car... Which all of this should. The Focus is bigger than people think and I'm glad we have that and not the Versa, because nothing else would've fit really, and we would've needed movers for the things we do plan on taking...which when you compare it to all the things we're leaving, is practically nothing.
Tonight we're packing up the car with all of the things we are able to. Obviously certain things will have to wait (like any electronics) but the important thing to get in there is that one table Karu has that Egg gave them. Why is that important to do tonight? So that Egg doesn't see it and accuse us of stealing our own things again.
Tomorrow, we're bringing Bitty up to her new home.
But why not wait until you're completely moved out?
Two reasons:
1. We won't have to worry about keeping her sequestered as we move things around upstairs
2. Egg is escalating and the shared concern that Karu, myself, Serena, and our whole family has is will she try to do something to the cat? Do I think Egg would abuse Saru? No. But I wouldn't put it past her to "accidentally" undo the door lock and "accidentally" leave our office door open and then "accidentally" open the front door and Saru just so happens to escape....
So Saru is coming with us tomorrow. Which is fine, because starting tomorrow, we're not going to really be in Port, only to pack up the car with more things and bring them home. So from Saturday to Wednesday, that's going to be us. There will be major sleep deprivation and just all around exhaustion, but it'll be worth it to be out of here.
I can see the finish line. It's just a matter of keeping everything going so we can hit it within time.
