greetings & salutations
Jan. 2nd, 2026 08:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
omaewokorosuit's a new year.
I heard from my brother Rob on NYE and he told me that the house is going to be closed on end of January or early February. no date set in stone as of now. which means if I want anything from the house, the window in which to do so is shrinking rapidly.
we're going to meet on the 10th since he's the only one with a key. the one I have doesn't work because he changed the locks. so I need him to let me in. Mike is supposed to also be tagging along so it'll be the three of us plus my wife at this house where I will take the things that I want to keep and Rob can do whatever with the rest. donate, sell, have someone else in our dwindling family grab it to donate or sell. say goodbye to the house. say goodbye to Port. goodbye to the life I had in that house.
maybe that's when it'll hit me that she's actually gone. it's not the life insurance cheque nor is it the brokerage account I now have with her financial advisor who, I suppose, is now my financial advisor. it's not the closed joint bank account she and I had together that was closed with a $0.00 balance due to inactivity over the past few months that I was going to close anyway had they not done so.
it's the house. this fucking eyesore of a house. this fucking eyesore of a house with the slanting stairs and empty second floor and time capsule first floor covered in nothing but dust and memories belonging, for the most part, to the deceased whose house it once was. I need to do this for closure because everywhere else I've lived, I've been able to say goodbye before leaving.
Kearny I said goodbye and took pictures of things I wanted to remember.
Pompton Lakes I said goodbye and took pictures of things I wanted to remember.
Port Jervis I wasn't able to say goodbye nor was I able to take pictures of anything I wanted to remember because I had to leave and I had to leave in a way I didn't want to but had no choice.
I will be able to say goodbye and take whatever memories I want to hold on to before I don't go back ever again. Like how I never returned to Kearny and I never returned to Pompton Lakes I highly doubt I will ever return to Port Jervis because what need will I ever have?
I heard from my brother Rob on NYE and he told me that the house is going to be closed on end of January or early February. no date set in stone as of now. which means if I want anything from the house, the window in which to do so is shrinking rapidly.
we're going to meet on the 10th since he's the only one with a key. the one I have doesn't work because he changed the locks. so I need him to let me in. Mike is supposed to also be tagging along so it'll be the three of us plus my wife at this house where I will take the things that I want to keep and Rob can do whatever with the rest. donate, sell, have someone else in our dwindling family grab it to donate or sell. say goodbye to the house. say goodbye to Port. goodbye to the life I had in that house.
maybe that's when it'll hit me that she's actually gone. it's not the life insurance cheque nor is it the brokerage account I now have with her financial advisor who, I suppose, is now my financial advisor. it's not the closed joint bank account she and I had together that was closed with a $0.00 balance due to inactivity over the past few months that I was going to close anyway had they not done so.
it's the house. this fucking eyesore of a house. this fucking eyesore of a house with the slanting stairs and empty second floor and time capsule first floor covered in nothing but dust and memories belonging, for the most part, to the deceased whose house it once was. I need to do this for closure because everywhere else I've lived, I've been able to say goodbye before leaving.
Kearny I said goodbye and took pictures of things I wanted to remember.
Pompton Lakes I said goodbye and took pictures of things I wanted to remember.
Port Jervis I wasn't able to say goodbye nor was I able to take pictures of anything I wanted to remember because I had to leave and I had to leave in a way I didn't want to but had no choice.
I will be able to say goodbye and take whatever memories I want to hold on to before I don't go back ever again. Like how I never returned to Kearny and I never returned to Pompton Lakes I highly doubt I will ever return to Port Jervis because what need will I ever have?
