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おひさしぶりだな・・・
Sep. 1st, 2021 01:58 amIt's been a while, hasn't it?
I don't really do the whole "blogging" thing much anymore (as you can see, I mostly do meta entries on my DW, and even those I don't really post anymore, I put those on my AO3 account). In the days of LJ I blogged so much and that was basically my journal; now I do all of my journaling in a physical notebook, of which I have amassed a whole bunch of volumes.
So. Life update.
April 2018 I moved from New Jersey to New York (the state, not the city). I cut off a bunch of family because I wanted something new and fresh. Joined a Discord server for Gundam Wing because of course I did.
May 2018 I applied for a new job; June of that same year I ended up hired.
November 2018 I met a woman who goes by Serena Yuy online via the GW Discord server. Immediately hit it off to the point where we were told to take our headcanons about Heero to DMs because lol we're both huge Heero fans (go figure).
November 2019 I asked Serena out. She said yes. Thanksgiving that year I was on cloud 9 because wow the woman I like likes me back! Also we'd been friends for one year plus one day.
February 2020 we meet in person for the first time and the connection is INSTANT. I knew I was going to marry her.
March 2020 the pandemic happens and everything shuts down. I ended up having a mental breakdown complete with suicide ideation; she stayed with me for three weeks to ensure I was okay. She left in April after staying for Easter.
May 2020 we celebrated six months of dating; August I decided I was going to propose...
July 2020 I decided enough was enough and started my path on recovery from self harm.
September 2020 (on Labour Day) I asked Serena to marry me. She said yes. November was two years of friendship and one year of us being together.
December 2020 I got into a car accident that nearly killed me.
February 2021 I nearly lost Serena to a severe staph infection. It was one of the worst and most crippling depression episodes I've ever experienced. Barely ate, barely left bed, barely did anything except cry and sleep.
July 2021 I was self-harm free for a year...and counting.
August 2021 I dug down deep and chose to choose recovery every single day no matter how hard things get.
What's next? October we're moving in together. November we're getting married.
Can hear y'all now just like "wait wait you met someone in GW fandom...and you're getting married?"
Funny how life works sometimes.
I am grateful every day that I wake up and am alive. Sometimes I don't leave bed but I'm still here. I'm still breathing. I push through and let nothing stop me. Getting down to the root of why I coped the way I did helped me change things. I've chosen healthy coping mechanisms automatically without thinking since February. It feels good. It feels right. Finding Heart Support helped so much. Finding someone who loves me despite my flaws and my fuck ups and my past is what helped me realise that fuck, I've lost complete control of my addiction. I no longer controlled the razor, it controlled me.
No more. I'm done with that shit. The person who controls me is me. I have so far successfully rewritten the way my story continues. Recovery is a mountain and I keep climbing it every day. I'm gonna reach that summit.
Watch me.
Heero refused to die.
My card's not up either.
I don't really do the whole "blogging" thing much anymore (as you can see, I mostly do meta entries on my DW, and even those I don't really post anymore, I put those on my AO3 account). In the days of LJ I blogged so much and that was basically my journal; now I do all of my journaling in a physical notebook, of which I have amassed a whole bunch of volumes.
So. Life update.
April 2018 I moved from New Jersey to New York (the state, not the city). I cut off a bunch of family because I wanted something new and fresh. Joined a Discord server for Gundam Wing because of course I did.
May 2018 I applied for a new job; June of that same year I ended up hired.
November 2018 I met a woman who goes by Serena Yuy online via the GW Discord server. Immediately hit it off to the point where we were told to take our headcanons about Heero to DMs because lol we're both huge Heero fans (go figure).
November 2019 I asked Serena out. She said yes. Thanksgiving that year I was on cloud 9 because wow the woman I like likes me back! Also we'd been friends for one year plus one day.
February 2020 we meet in person for the first time and the connection is INSTANT. I knew I was going to marry her.
March 2020 the pandemic happens and everything shuts down. I ended up having a mental breakdown complete with suicide ideation; she stayed with me for three weeks to ensure I was okay. She left in April after staying for Easter.
May 2020 we celebrated six months of dating; August I decided I was going to propose...
July 2020 I decided enough was enough and started my path on recovery from self harm.
September 2020 (on Labour Day) I asked Serena to marry me. She said yes. November was two years of friendship and one year of us being together.
December 2020 I got into a car accident that nearly killed me.
February 2021 I nearly lost Serena to a severe staph infection. It was one of the worst and most crippling depression episodes I've ever experienced. Barely ate, barely left bed, barely did anything except cry and sleep.
July 2021 I was self-harm free for a year...and counting.
August 2021 I dug down deep and chose to choose recovery every single day no matter how hard things get.
What's next? October we're moving in together. November we're getting married.
Can hear y'all now just like "wait wait you met someone in GW fandom...and you're getting married?"
Funny how life works sometimes.
I am grateful every day that I wake up and am alive. Sometimes I don't leave bed but I'm still here. I'm still breathing. I push through and let nothing stop me. Getting down to the root of why I coped the way I did helped me change things. I've chosen healthy coping mechanisms automatically without thinking since February. It feels good. It feels right. Finding Heart Support helped so much. Finding someone who loves me despite my flaws and my fuck ups and my past is what helped me realise that fuck, I've lost complete control of my addiction. I no longer controlled the razor, it controlled me.
No more. I'm done with that shit. The person who controls me is me. I have so far successfully rewritten the way my story continues. Recovery is a mountain and I keep climbing it every day. I'm gonna reach that summit.
Watch me.
Heero refused to die.
My card's not up either.
