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omaewokorosutmw thanks to having an actual support system who can tell me for a fact “no no, what you see your mother doing and how she’s acting is ACTUALLY HAPPENING” I end up realising that the brother I (was more or less forced to) cut off WAS RIGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING THE ENTIRE TIME.
the entire. fucking. time.
my supporting person also helped me realise that I hold the power that my brother said was taken from him until he fucking left this entire situation.
that I am purposely being held back so that I have no choice but to stay in a shitty abusive situation. that I hold all of the cards and if my wife and I end up leaving it’ll up end the entire house of cards, and sorry, I won’t give a fuck. you’re on your own.
after all it’s not like you gave any fucks about kicking my brother out and threatening to kick me out onto the streets unless I made myself useful to you.
because that’s all family is to you. chess pieces you can move around on a board to your benefit, giving zero fucks about anyone else.
that cutting my brother out of the family because he owes money from a situation that would’ve caused him to be homeless and you’re still harping about this almost 15 years later, how you’ve disinherited your other son because you have no use of him (and then you wonder why he doesn’t visit outside of once a year to do your taxes), and I know you only tolerate my existence so long as I “prove useful” to you and once that changes you’ll just throw me out with the rest of the trash.
you’re selfish and care only about one person and that is you; you think that you’re entitled to a lifestyle that is funded by everyone else because you think being birthed granted you this lifestyle that you can’t afford, a lifestyle of the nice things.
if you’re cutting out family because they cut the strings you attached to your “kindness” then it’s really not motherly love, is it? that’s not really kindness, is it? it’s more a business transaction.
that’s all family means to you, we are all a series of transactions and the only person getting paid here is you, there is no mutual benefit.
and here’s the thing about my brother, the one I was closest to outside of my dad. you knew that if I kept close to him that I would’ve figured all of this out so you manipulated this whole situation from the start and now I know that he only thought some of the things he did about me because you manipulated him into believing it.
(he wanted me to get away from you, he knew you would destroy my mental health like you did his, but he knew I was unable to leave and he was unable to help me.)
you think I’m secretly (not so secretly?) useless and can’t do anything. but you can only blame yourself for that because you tried to keep me helpless so I only had you to depend on.
that’s not how my dad raised me. he wanted me to be fiercely independent and self reliant. questioning. confrontational.
you didn’t want that.
and speaking of my father, the man you promised to love in good and bad times, when his depression was at its worst and the fighting got ugly, you didn’t reach out to offer him help at all; when you knew he was struggling and your marriage was falling apart, you didn’t pull him aside and have a talk with him.
“he never said anything to me.”
“I don’t know why he didn’t talk to me.”
“he could’ve asked for counselling.”
“he could’ve asked for help.”
why was it up to him to initiate things when marriage is supposed to be a partnership? why did you let things get so bad?
instead of attempting to help him or help your marriage you said you were going to take me (the kid he was closest to) and leave. you said that because you knew it would hurt him.
you wonder why he took his life but I don’t wonder that anymore and it’s not worth telling you the reason just like it’s not worth trying to explain to you why he gave me glimpses into things and not you.
because I actually loved him. I still love him. I will always love him. he’s my dad.
you didn’t even give a shit when he died, you were relieved. the only thing you miss about him is his money.
and that’s what it boils down to.
money.
greed.
a deadly sin you have no intention of stopping.
finding out my entire life has basically been a lie and you’ve been purposely holding me back from reaching my true potential, from having friends outside the home, from being able to do things is earth shattering.
you wanted me to have one purpose and that was to do everything I could to make sure that you had a good life, not giving a shit that I was suffering.
I attempted to end my life because of you.
I attempted 17 times.
you tried to keep me isolated.
you didn’t factor in I was making friends online.
you didn’t ever consider that maybe I would meet someone to create a life with.
which I did.
online.
(you were counting on me being single and having my life revolve solely around you.)
and now that I have been made to realise all of this shit isn’t just in my head, that other people see it too, I feel empowered for the first time in my life.
without me your entire world will crumble to nothing.
my wife and I leave and you’ll have to spend your greed to make sure that you’re taken care of.
so be careful how you tread, because I have no fucks to give anymore for someone who puts money over their own children, over their own marriage, over their own mother’s inheritance. and I’m sure as I uncover more I will understand your sister a lot better and why she cut you out too.
I won’t mourn you at your funeral.
the entire. fucking. time.
my supporting person also helped me realise that I hold the power that my brother said was taken from him until he fucking left this entire situation.
that I am purposely being held back so that I have no choice but to stay in a shitty abusive situation. that I hold all of the cards and if my wife and I end up leaving it’ll up end the entire house of cards, and sorry, I won’t give a fuck. you’re on your own.
after all it’s not like you gave any fucks about kicking my brother out and threatening to kick me out onto the streets unless I made myself useful to you.
because that’s all family is to you. chess pieces you can move around on a board to your benefit, giving zero fucks about anyone else.
that cutting my brother out of the family because he owes money from a situation that would’ve caused him to be homeless and you’re still harping about this almost 15 years later, how you’ve disinherited your other son because you have no use of him (and then you wonder why he doesn’t visit outside of once a year to do your taxes), and I know you only tolerate my existence so long as I “prove useful” to you and once that changes you’ll just throw me out with the rest of the trash.
you’re selfish and care only about one person and that is you; you think that you’re entitled to a lifestyle that is funded by everyone else because you think being birthed granted you this lifestyle that you can’t afford, a lifestyle of the nice things.
if you’re cutting out family because they cut the strings you attached to your “kindness” then it’s really not motherly love, is it? that’s not really kindness, is it? it’s more a business transaction.
that’s all family means to you, we are all a series of transactions and the only person getting paid here is you, there is no mutual benefit.
and here’s the thing about my brother, the one I was closest to outside of my dad. you knew that if I kept close to him that I would’ve figured all of this out so you manipulated this whole situation from the start and now I know that he only thought some of the things he did about me because you manipulated him into believing it.
(he wanted me to get away from you, he knew you would destroy my mental health like you did his, but he knew I was unable to leave and he was unable to help me.)
you think I’m secretly (not so secretly?) useless and can’t do anything. but you can only blame yourself for that because you tried to keep me helpless so I only had you to depend on.
that’s not how my dad raised me. he wanted me to be fiercely independent and self reliant. questioning. confrontational.
you didn’t want that.
and speaking of my father, the man you promised to love in good and bad times, when his depression was at its worst and the fighting got ugly, you didn’t reach out to offer him help at all; when you knew he was struggling and your marriage was falling apart, you didn’t pull him aside and have a talk with him.
“he never said anything to me.”
“I don’t know why he didn’t talk to me.”
“he could’ve asked for counselling.”
“he could’ve asked for help.”
why was it up to him to initiate things when marriage is supposed to be a partnership? why did you let things get so bad?
instead of attempting to help him or help your marriage you said you were going to take me (the kid he was closest to) and leave. you said that because you knew it would hurt him.
you wonder why he took his life but I don’t wonder that anymore and it’s not worth telling you the reason just like it’s not worth trying to explain to you why he gave me glimpses into things and not you.
because I actually loved him. I still love him. I will always love him. he’s my dad.
you didn’t even give a shit when he died, you were relieved. the only thing you miss about him is his money.
and that’s what it boils down to.
money.
greed.
a deadly sin you have no intention of stopping.
finding out my entire life has basically been a lie and you’ve been purposely holding me back from reaching my true potential, from having friends outside the home, from being able to do things is earth shattering.
you wanted me to have one purpose and that was to do everything I could to make sure that you had a good life, not giving a shit that I was suffering.
I attempted to end my life because of you.
I attempted 17 times.
you tried to keep me isolated.
you didn’t factor in I was making friends online.
you didn’t ever consider that maybe I would meet someone to create a life with.
which I did.
online.
(you were counting on me being single and having my life revolve solely around you.)
and now that I have been made to realise all of this shit isn’t just in my head, that other people see it too, I feel empowered for the first time in my life.
without me your entire world will crumble to nothing.
my wife and I leave and you’ll have to spend your greed to make sure that you’re taken care of.
so be careful how you tread, because I have no fucks to give anymore for someone who puts money over their own children, over their own marriage, over their own mother’s inheritance. and I’m sure as I uncover more I will understand your sister a lot better and why she cut you out too.
I won’t mourn you at your funeral.
