[poem] "not (gl!tch)"
Sep. 14th, 2024 07:24 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
omaewokorosu"I don't really care what happens to you."
The moment I turned 18 you stopped caring
but honestly it was long before that
"I don't really care what happens to you
you'll probably end up doing d r u g s
or w h o r i n g y o u r s e l f.
Oh what will become of you?" you ask as you
push me out into the cold night.
What will become of me because I
can't meet your expectations?
I don't know.
Will you care if I end up dead?
I don't know. Something's broken inside me and I'm gli-i-i-i-i-
i can fix everything by ending it all
but how will you do it? I ask through the static
by jumping of course.
where? I ask this voice in my head
In the riveeeer, maybeeeee, he says, before his voice glitches out completely again.
>Option 1: jump off a bridge
>Option 2: run out onto the Turnpike to get hit
>Option 3: find a train to lay on the tracks of like a sacrificial offering brought up to be slaughtered
None of these options are feasibleeeeee
Will you even care when the police knock on your door
informing you that they found my remains
our remains
in a gutter
melted onto the interstate at exit 15W
part of the asphalt surrounded by a
cacophony of police sirens and flashing lights?
Will you tell them some sob story you made up on the spot
about how I ran away from home
or was addicted to drugs?
You liked to say that I was a loser
I'll never amount to anything
so why would you even care if I went missing
or became king of the whores and hookers
playing their games and selling their wares inside of
West Hudson Park?
"I wish you weren't here, but here you are."
Well now that I'm not do you even care?
No, you don't, why would you care about someone who isn't you?
I was warned about the monsters underneath my bed as a kid
but no one told me about the monsters hiding in plain sight
wearing your skin.
maybe I'll go walking out into the river
it's right there, I can dip my toes in the sand and keep going
till I am swallowed up
engulfed completely in water
fresh or salty I don't really know and I don't care
as the current drags me out to sea
where the Delaware meets the Hudson meets the Atlantic
or at least carries what remains of me
floating on by like some fucked up tourist attraction
onlookers wave to from the Ferry to head over to Manhattan
forever 26
27
28
Will you remember when I turn 29?
How I should've been allowed to turn 30 and grow up?
You thought I was crazy
and I know I am I know I am I
know
I
am so BATS H ! T ccc ccccraaaaa z zzzzy
my brain's glitching out aaaagain
splitting out I am
n0t wh0l3 I
never was
and how could I be when you
tried to condition me to
serve you and only you
until the day you died
except it would've been me who died
and left you alone as a
go fuck yourself because
my existence only matters if you can benefit from it
so let me
take myself out of existence so you can stop benefiting from it
"I wish you weren't here but here you are."
well thanks to your words I'm
not.
The moment I turned 18 you stopped caring
but honestly it was long before that
"I don't really care what happens to you
you'll probably end up doing d r u g s
or w h o r i n g y o u r s e l f.
Oh what will become of you?" you ask as you
push me out into the cold night.
What will become of me because I
can't meet your expectations?
I don't know.
Will you care if I end up dead?
I don't know. Something's broken inside me and I'm gli-i-i-i-i-
i can fix everything by ending it all
but how will you do it? I ask through the static
by jumping of course.
where? I ask this voice in my head
In the riveeeer, maybeeeee, he says, before his voice glitches out completely again.
>Option 1: jump off a bridge
>Option 2: run out onto the Turnpike to get hit
>Option 3: find a train to lay on the tracks of like a sacrificial offering brought up to be slaughtered
None of these options are feasibleeeeee
Will you even care when the police knock on your door
informing you that they found my remains
our remains
in a gutter
melted onto the interstate at exit 15W
part of the asphalt surrounded by a
cacophony of police sirens and flashing lights?
Will you tell them some sob story you made up on the spot
about how I ran away from home
or was addicted to drugs?
You liked to say that I was a loser
I'll never amount to anything
so why would you even care if I went missing
or became king of the whores and hookers
playing their games and selling their wares inside of
West Hudson Park?
"I wish you weren't here, but here you are."
Well now that I'm not do you even care?
No, you don't, why would you care about someone who isn't you?
I was warned about the monsters underneath my bed as a kid
but no one told me about the monsters hiding in plain sight
wearing your skin.
maybe I'll go walking out into the river
it's right there, I can dip my toes in the sand and keep going
till I am swallowed up
engulfed completely in water
fresh or salty I don't really know and I don't care
as the current drags me out to sea
where the Delaware meets the Hudson meets the Atlantic
or at least carries what remains of me
floating on by like some fucked up tourist attraction
onlookers wave to from the Ferry to head over to Manhattan
forever 26
27
28
Will you remember when I turn 29?
How I should've been allowed to turn 30 and grow up?
You thought I was crazy
and I know I am I know I am I
know
I
am so BATS H ! T ccc ccccraaaaa z zzzzy
my brain's glitching out aaaagain
splitting out I am
n0t wh0l3 I
never was
and how could I be when you
tried to condition me to
serve you and only you
until the day you died
except it would've been me who died
and left you alone as a
go fuck yourself because
my existence only matters if you can benefit from it
so let me
take myself out of existence so you can stop benefiting from it
"I wish you weren't here but here you are."
well thanks to your words I'm
not.
