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omaewokorosu I've been busy...going through Egg transcripts and posting the most damning bits to ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
knock_on_wood_3x and it's gonna take some time because...rereading everything.
My female parental unit is a fucking narcissist. I've bought so many books trying to dissect things, most of them are for people who deal with narc parents and looking back on things from when I was younger...not only was she a narc (and still is), she was also really fucking abusive towards me. At one point she had me sleeping on the floor like a dog because she didn't want to be bothered buying me a new mattress when I was 17 years old.
But no she totally loves me!
My brother warned me years ago that the moment Egg would betray me, she will discard me like I don't even matter to her. Once I've outlived my usefulness to her, I may as well be dead. Considering I feel like she wanted me dead when I was barely 18 years old since she lamented my continued existence, threatened to kick me out multiple times, and didn't seem to care about whatever might happen to me if I was out on the streets... Yeah.
I have no love for this woman. I am completely indifferent, which is the opposite of love. Not hate. Hate implies that I have emotional feelings of some kind and tbh I have nothing. She doesn't even acknowledge my existence and I am okay with that because who is she to me anyway? She's my landlady at this point. Nothing more. Certainly not a parent. She was never a parent. Not to me. Not to Michael. Maybe to Rob, the only child she probably ever really wanted. In pictures she looks so overjoyed when Rob was born. There's so many professionally done photographs of him. Once Michael was born, she looked like she was facing execution by firing squad. And that persisted even after I was born.
My dad meanwhile was happy as all hell because he got his family. Michael and I were close to Dad; Rob was (and still is to some extent I guess) a Mama's boy. And Egg hated my dad and since Michael and I are just like him, by extension she can't stand us either. Considering she threw my brother away without a second thought over some petty bullshit, I shouldn't be surprised that when I said Serena and I were moving out, her first move was "I'm going to disown you then." And since she realized I couldn't care less about that, that it didn't have the reaction she wanted, she walked it back and said she wouldn't do that.
I want nothing from her at this point.
as far as moving goes, we're staying in NYS. We're moving to the Southern Tier which is great because I know people in that area and so does my wife and we're ~2 hours away from one side of Serena's family and ~1 from the other side. So it's nice. I think once we're settled in where we're going I'll write down the ENTIRE PROCESS this has been. And how I plan on finally beginning to start healing.
knock_on_wood_3x and it's gonna take some time because...rereading everything.My female parental unit is a fucking narcissist. I've bought so many books trying to dissect things, most of them are for people who deal with narc parents and looking back on things from when I was younger...not only was she a narc (and still is), she was also really fucking abusive towards me. At one point she had me sleeping on the floor like a dog because she didn't want to be bothered buying me a new mattress when I was 17 years old.
But no she totally loves me!
My brother warned me years ago that the moment Egg would betray me, she will discard me like I don't even matter to her. Once I've outlived my usefulness to her, I may as well be dead. Considering I feel like she wanted me dead when I was barely 18 years old since she lamented my continued existence, threatened to kick me out multiple times, and didn't seem to care about whatever might happen to me if I was out on the streets... Yeah.
I have no love for this woman. I am completely indifferent, which is the opposite of love. Not hate. Hate implies that I have emotional feelings of some kind and tbh I have nothing. She doesn't even acknowledge my existence and I am okay with that because who is she to me anyway? She's my landlady at this point. Nothing more. Certainly not a parent. She was never a parent. Not to me. Not to Michael. Maybe to Rob, the only child she probably ever really wanted. In pictures she looks so overjoyed when Rob was born. There's so many professionally done photographs of him. Once Michael was born, she looked like she was facing execution by firing squad. And that persisted even after I was born.
My dad meanwhile was happy as all hell because he got his family. Michael and I were close to Dad; Rob was (and still is to some extent I guess) a Mama's boy. And Egg hated my dad and since Michael and I are just like him, by extension she can't stand us either. Considering she threw my brother away without a second thought over some petty bullshit, I shouldn't be surprised that when I said Serena and I were moving out, her first move was "I'm going to disown you then." And since she realized I couldn't care less about that, that it didn't have the reaction she wanted, she walked it back and said she wouldn't do that.
I want nothing from her at this point.
as far as moving goes, we're staying in NYS. We're moving to the Southern Tier which is great because I know people in that area and so does my wife and we're ~2 hours away from one side of Serena's family and ~1 from the other side. So it's nice. I think once we're settled in where we're going I'll write down the ENTIRE PROCESS this has been. And how I plan on finally beginning to start healing.
