do you believe you can walk on water?

Also the lack of a mobile app and it being a pain in the ass to use DW even on a mobile browser makes portability a...Not Thing.

Anyway. I know Aleks did a lot of posting today on knock_on_wood_3x and he still has so much more to do just for fucking March but there is only so much he can reread through before he just wants to vomit in disgust. Meanwhile I know that some of this probably still paints us in some kind of horrible light and probs makes everyone think that we are absolutely awful at being someone's kid but whatever maybe we're all just really fucking toxic in here and it's all because of Egg anyway.

Anyone who's followed my LJ (whose entries are mirrored to here!) knows that things haven't been good with Egg anyway and she was really abusive at multiple points so it's not like I'm just making shit up (also I have recordings from April on that really paint her in an awful light). But sometimes I think also that things aren't as bad as I'm making them out to be and that I am actually a shitty human being...because I've learned that my opinion and my view of myself is somehow incorrect and that "mother knows best" and all that shite.

who knows me better than I know myself? clearly not Egg that's for fucking sure, she doesn't know me and she never did and never will no matter how much she tells everyone else that she used to know me and now it's like I'm a completely different person.
(that's because she's not dealing with me, she's dealing with Aleks)

besides she doesn't give a fuck if I walk away anyway she's mad because she lost complete control of me and can't use me for her own purposes anymore.

in terms of house stuff...because I don't remember if I mentioned it here but my wife and I went HOUSE HUNTING and we FOUND A HOUSE and we put in an offer that was ACCEPTED and the mortgage is taking its sweet fucking time—or it was in the beginning, like we passed the deadline to have it done by because M&T had some kind of hold up or whatever. Like things up to that point were progressing PRETTY QUICK and now we're BACK AT WARP SPEED inshallah it continues at this pace and we can close NEXT MONTH I almost said tomorrow

NYS has Laws about this whole process and how long things need to take and whatever.

also I feel like tomorrow would just be like ABSURDLY SOON???

anyway. our mortgage loan application is in the underwriting process where the Underwriter (who is so important their title is capitalised) looks over all the shit that everyone else looked at and approved of, where they make sure we can pay our bills on time and we don't have too much debt compared to our income and that the appraisal price is more than whatever it's a lot of information THEY'VE PULLED MY CREDIT REPORT LIKE 95743254 TIMES. The most important step when your loan is in the underwriting process is to not finance anything!

what this means:

• no new lines of credit (no new credit cards, loans, etc.)
• no new cars or vehicles
• don't somehow purchase another house or other property
• basically don't come off as a risky investment

I haven't opened a new credit card in like. eight years? And Serena doesn't have any (she's an authorised user on my one card though). combined we have a boatload of cash assets and she has even more assets that aren't just cashola so like. all of the stuff they look at is okay (according to everyone else). once it passes this process we get a letter saying CONGRATULATIONS WE'RE COMMITTING TO YOU AS A RECEIVER OF THIS LOAN and a bunch of shit needs to be looked over and signed and then it's TO OUR PARALEGAL

who will talk to the seller's attorney

and they will discuss when closing will be

and then an ENTIRE FUCKING LIST OF COSTS WILL BE GIVEN that are due at closing.

and then we close.

which means we officially end up as HOMEOWNERS.

IN THE SOUTHERN TIER.

AND THERE ARE WEGMANS.

I want a fresh start. I feel like I deserve it after 14 years of more or less servitude but it's been longer than that, it's been ever since I was fucking 10 years old and had to be some emotional support for a grown fucking adult. I want to actually live life instead of just existing on some days and surviving on most. Imagine me being able to enjoy all that life has to offer. Me enjoying my marriage.

so yeah that is the state of things as of right now.