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she might be at death's door
Apr. 10th, 2025 11:53 pmI don't even know how to write all of this in a way that is cohesive because it is A Lot...
So I guess I started to wonder what was going on with Egg when there's been no digital receipt popping up from ShopRite in my email (my "main" email account is linked to her ShopRite card). She's been going to the store on Tuesdays, but when I didn't get anything, I figured she decided to go on Wednesday instead.
Wednesday comes and goes, still nothing.
"Maybe she's finally decided to go back to Thursdays?"
Nothing. Odd, but maybe she doesn't need to shop this week for...some reason. It's Egg, should I be thinking this deep about it? Maybe, maybe not. I have enough compassion, I guess, to not want something bad to happen, maybe, though I'm not even sure that that's it. I know that eventually she will pass on but I would think I'd hear from Rob in some form and I wouldn't find out just by virtue of there never being another digital ShopRite receipt ever again...
So as I was going through that email account, I noticed there was something from Aetna with "prior authorization" in the subject. So I clicked on it out of curiosity. I had to log into the online account in order to see the actual prior auth, so I did that and was greeted with:
They are for stays in hospital and at some short term rehab facility/long term care nursing home where you go for like, post-surgical care before being released to go home.
One of the doctors listed is a nephrologist (a kidney specialist). I was posting screencaps of things in Discord for my wife in the server channel we have dedicated solely to her (strictly for documentation and discussion). She was googling shit when she was supposed to be working lmao
One of the other doctors is a vascular neurologist which is a specialist who deals with things affecting the blood vessels in your brain. The kind of doctor I was trying to get Egg to seek out a few years back when she had her first series of small strokes; she told me she "wasn't going to bother" with that "nonsense".
The nephrologist in question deals with End-Stage Renal Disease, necrosis, acute kidney failure, and some other things that don't really have to do with kidneys necessarily.
Aleks' questions ended up being... Did she have a stroke? Are her kidneys failing? but he asked these questions like one would ask, "Is it going to rain tomorrow?" And I asked, God, why didn't you take her?
So then I decided to go through all the insurance claims, which was fun because there were quite a few and each claim was for multiple services, some as many as 17 and one of which was a medical transport company that deals with airlifting people to hospitals. They do that with people who are in very critical condition because it is faster than by ambulance (since you don't have to deal with traffic) but is also incredibly expensive without insurance.
Like $82k "incredibly expensive." Lucky for her it'll just be $300.
She needed CT scans and angiographies for neck and head, they had to determine how fast her blood clotted when bleeding, they even had to assess using a test to determine her blood type, which is something she could've told them if she wasn't impaired or unconscious, maybe. (She's A+, we all are.) They administered a $21 blood glucose stick finger test that my friend Dusty said was ridiculously priced.
More tests.
The ER visit. ($2700 without insurance!)
She even had a psych eval, not for the typical reasons you administer one, but to determine whether she was legally competent and could consent to and understand things. Otherwise...they would have to find someone to speak for her, and would probably contact Rob since he's the only one now.
So Egg is still at that rehab facility. She might be for a while, until they at least determine what's wrong with her and what steps need to come next. I did get to talk to Rob (via text) and Egg is not only miserable, but making sure everyone around her is miserable too (misery loves company and no one is more miserable than Egg) but according to him, only one of her eyes works.
So she's partially blind. If I had to guess what her issue was, it would be retinopathy, which is a complication from diabetes, which Egg has (type 2) and she doesn't have it under control nor does she even attempt to. She's supposed to check her sugar daily and she doesn't. She doesn't eat what she's supposed to. Etc. etc. But it sounds like her kidneys might also not be functioning correctly, and she's having strokes.
Which can also lead to vision problems on whatever side was affected by the stroke, and a lot of these things that come post-stroke are permanent.
As my brother said:
Why did he need to go to the house? To pay her bills, of course, because she is convinced that if they don't get paid "instantly", she'll "be ruined, just ruined." I made it known that I don't think she should be living by herself at this point in time, especially if she's going blind or has gone blind in one (or even both) eyes. And Rob said that all she keeps saying is she "doesn't know what she's going to do."
Well, she has to figure that out. Which she does. She should've been figuring that out for a long time now, but instead figured I would still be around until she kicked it, so she would have me, someone completely unqualified, become her home care nurse aid. I'd told her back when she had her first strokes that I was never going to do that and would put her in a care facility instead. She'd looked at me like I was the one stroking out! After all, the whole point of her keeping me around was her plan.
Now I live three hours away. And the next time I go down there is to grab some things after she's died. I'm not going to be managing her finances, I'm not going to be managing her medical services, I'm not going to become some at-home nurse. I got out just in time.
Now some might think me cold-hearted. This is the woman who gave birth to me, I should feel at least the tiniest bit sad for her predicament, right? But I end up asking myself why I should provide care for someone who didn't provide it for me? I don't owe her anything simply because she popped me out 30-some years ago, I never asked to be conceived and I certainly never asked to be born. She held me back and stunted me in so many ways I am not sure I can ever recover or catch up to where I need to be. That's the sickening thing.
Now Rob gets to see a tiny sliver of what I went through, and I hope he realizes that that isn't even everything I had to do for her. He just does her taxes and now handles this shit. He doesn't have to drive her around everywhere or do her shopping or her lawn care and 40 million other things. And out of the two of them he's the one I feel bad for!
As for Egg, this is all Karma's work. Because here's the thing: I would've done all the things I was supposed to do when we moved out...had she not treated my wife like utter shit over something so stupid.
It's been 116 days since I've gone no contact, by the way. And her health is in freefall.
So I guess I started to wonder what was going on with Egg when there's been no digital receipt popping up from ShopRite in my email (my "main" email account is linked to her ShopRite card). She's been going to the store on Tuesdays, but when I didn't get anything, I figured she decided to go on Wednesday instead.
Wednesday comes and goes, still nothing.
"Maybe she's finally decided to go back to Thursdays?"
Nothing. Odd, but maybe she doesn't need to shop this week for...some reason. It's Egg, should I be thinking this deep about it? Maybe, maybe not. I have enough compassion, I guess, to not want something bad to happen, maybe, though I'm not even sure that that's it. I know that eventually she will pass on but I would think I'd hear from Rob in some form and I wouldn't find out just by virtue of there never being another digital ShopRite receipt ever again...
So as I was going through that email account, I noticed there was something from Aetna with "prior authorization" in the subject. So I clicked on it out of curiosity. I had to log into the online account in order to see the actual prior auth, so I did that and was greeted with:
- WESTCHESTER MEDICAL CENTER
- COMPLETE CARE AT LAKEVIEW LLC
- [name of doctor]
They are for stays in hospital and at some short term rehab facility/long term care nursing home where you go for like, post-surgical care before being released to go home.
One of the doctors listed is a nephrologist (a kidney specialist). I was posting screencaps of things in Discord for my wife in the server channel we have dedicated solely to her (strictly for documentation and discussion). She was googling shit when she was supposed to be working lmao
Karu
are you just googling shit lmao
Serena
yes
One of the other doctors is a vascular neurologist which is a specialist who deals with things affecting the blood vessels in your brain. The kind of doctor I was trying to get Egg to seek out a few years back when she had her first series of small strokes; she told me she "wasn't going to bother" with that "nonsense".
The nephrologist in question deals with End-Stage Renal Disease, necrosis, acute kidney failure, and some other things that don't really have to do with kidneys necessarily.
Aleks' questions ended up being... Did she have a stroke? Are her kidneys failing? but he asked these questions like one would ask, "Is it going to rain tomorrow?" And I asked, God, why didn't you take her?
So then I decided to go through all the insurance claims, which was fun because there were quite a few and each claim was for multiple services, some as many as 17 and one of which was a medical transport company that deals with airlifting people to hospitals. They do that with people who are in very critical condition because it is faster than by ambulance (since you don't have to deal with traffic) but is also incredibly expensive without insurance.
Like $82k "incredibly expensive." Lucky for her it'll just be $300.
She needed CT scans and angiographies for neck and head, they had to determine how fast her blood clotted when bleeding, they even had to assess using a test to determine her blood type, which is something she could've told them if she wasn't impaired or unconscious, maybe. (She's A+, we all are.) They administered a $21 blood glucose stick finger test that my friend Dusty said was ridiculously priced.
More tests.
The ER visit. ($2700 without insurance!)
She even had a psych eval, not for the typical reasons you administer one, but to determine whether she was legally competent and could consent to and understand things. Otherwise...they would have to find someone to speak for her, and would probably contact Rob since he's the only one now.
So Egg is still at that rehab facility. She might be for a while, until they at least determine what's wrong with her and what steps need to come next. I did get to talk to Rob (via text) and Egg is not only miserable, but making sure everyone around her is miserable too (misery loves company and no one is more miserable than Egg) but according to him, only one of her eyes works.
So she's partially blind. If I had to guess what her issue was, it would be retinopathy, which is a complication from diabetes, which Egg has (type 2) and she doesn't have it under control nor does she even attempt to. She's supposed to check her sugar daily and she doesn't. She doesn't eat what she's supposed to. Etc. etc. But it sounds like her kidneys might also not be functioning correctly, and she's having strokes.
Which can also lead to vision problems on whatever side was affected by the stroke, and a lot of these things that come post-stroke are permanent.
As my brother said:
I spent Monday driving all over to her house then the rehab then finally home. Whole day was shot. And she called me 14 times throughout the day.
Why did he need to go to the house? To pay her bills, of course, because she is convinced that if they don't get paid "instantly", she'll "be ruined, just ruined." I made it known that I don't think she should be living by herself at this point in time, especially if she's going blind or has gone blind in one (or even both) eyes. And Rob said that all she keeps saying is she "doesn't know what she's going to do."
Well, she has to figure that out. Which she does. She should've been figuring that out for a long time now, but instead figured I would still be around until she kicked it, so she would have me, someone completely unqualified, become her home care nurse aid. I'd told her back when she had her first strokes that I was never going to do that and would put her in a care facility instead. She'd looked at me like I was the one stroking out! After all, the whole point of her keeping me around was her plan.
Now I live three hours away. And the next time I go down there is to grab some things after she's died. I'm not going to be managing her finances, I'm not going to be managing her medical services, I'm not going to become some at-home nurse. I got out just in time.
Now some might think me cold-hearted. This is the woman who gave birth to me, I should feel at least the tiniest bit sad for her predicament, right? But I end up asking myself why I should provide care for someone who didn't provide it for me? I don't owe her anything simply because she popped me out 30-some years ago, I never asked to be conceived and I certainly never asked to be born. She held me back and stunted me in so many ways I am not sure I can ever recover or catch up to where I need to be. That's the sickening thing.
Now Rob gets to see a tiny sliver of what I went through, and I hope he realizes that that isn't even everything I had to do for her. He just does her taxes and now handles this shit. He doesn't have to drive her around everywhere or do her shopping or her lawn care and 40 million other things. And out of the two of them he's the one I feel bad for!
As for Egg, this is all Karma's work. Because here's the thing: I would've done all the things I was supposed to do when we moved out...had she not treated my wife like utter shit over something so stupid.
It's been 116 days since I've gone no contact, by the way. And her health is in freefall.
