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omaewokorosuAs of 17:48 today my mother is gone.
Whatever demons were in her head are now no more. Whatever fucked up reality she'd constructed is gone. I wish I could say that I didn't see this coming, because I did. I saw how it would happen coming like a freight train speeding down the tracks. A crash, a derailment, all inevitable.
I did not see the method by which she left this earth coming, and I am going to always have questions about that. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.
How am I coping? Like I did when I lost my dad—lost in some kind of fog I can somehow still see through, like condensation on glass. Because as awful as she was towards me and my wife, especially towards the end, it's still a life lost and a life that didn't necessarily have to come to an end—especially the way it did. I never saw myself being an adult orphan before the age of 35 but here I am. I guess if we want to be really honest, one could say I never saw myself being fatherless at 10 either.
Because yes, I've seen the news articles. I've seen the social media group posts and shares. I've read the comments where people have put laughing with tears emojis in response to the news. Says a lot about you 😂ing about how someone's loved one was on fire. May you have the life you deserve!
I don't really know what to say. There aren't any answers as to how anything happened. Hopefully there will be answers when we go to the house.
Whatever demons were in her head are now no more. Whatever fucked up reality she'd constructed is gone. I wish I could say that I didn't see this coming, because I did. I saw how it would happen coming like a freight train speeding down the tracks. A crash, a derailment, all inevitable.
I did not see the method by which she left this earth coming, and I am going to always have questions about that. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.
How am I coping? Like I did when I lost my dad—lost in some kind of fog I can somehow still see through, like condensation on glass. Because as awful as she was towards me and my wife, especially towards the end, it's still a life lost and a life that didn't necessarily have to come to an end—especially the way it did. I never saw myself being an adult orphan before the age of 35 but here I am. I guess if we want to be really honest, one could say I never saw myself being fatherless at 10 either.
Because yes, I've seen the news articles. I've seen the social media group posts and shares. I've read the comments where people have put laughing with tears emojis in response to the news. Says a lot about you 😂ing about how someone's loved one was on fire. May you have the life you deserve!
I don't really know what to say. There aren't any answers as to how anything happened. Hopefully there will be answers when we go to the house.
