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omaewokorosu(Note: Egg doesn't call me by my preferred name, she uses the legal name I absolutely hate because she is ~too attached~ to it to stop using it. I've changed names and pronouns to the proper ones.)
H had to HOLD ME BACK I stg because the URGE TO GO DOWN THERE and UNLEASH ALL OF MY FUCKING FURY
(or, as Domon Kasshu would put it, "all my anger and all my sorrow!")
WAS STRONG, dear reader! fucking STRONG. "that fucking woman" don't you DARE talk about my wife like that!
assarajayechan put it when I posted about this on Plurk:
YOU BET.
Egg is the person who cried about how much I've ~changed~ since Serena and I got together. And yeah, she's right, I did change! I grew a fucking backbone (or maybe it was more like I'd rediscovered my backbone). I found happiness and then somewhere along the way I ended up realising that dear Eggikins is a fucking narcissist and it explains so much. H was going through the recordings too, and he's just like, "She keeps saying, 'It would be nice to have somebody with me.' She doesn't need someone to drive her, she wants someone to hold her hand at a routine eye doctor appointment, like a child."
Egg basically wanted me to be her parent, to hold her hand and give her reassurances like, "It's okay, Eggi, honey, you'll be fine!" when she never did any of that shit for me. Like what the fuck. I am not your parent I am your adult offspring. And not only that, she's so buttchafing mad about my priorities, not obligations but priorities, changing. Serena is taking the spotlight away from her so instead of Dear Egg having my attention every five seconds I have to put things off or not do things for her because my wife needs me.
That's how marriage works, Egg. The only people more important to me than my wife...are our cats. And they're not even technically people, they're felines. But they're more compassionate than you'll ever be.
Anyway Egg thinks that because she gave us $2500 for a wedding gift that we're both obligated to cater to her ever need and whim and ??? that's not how that works. But Egg likes to attach strings to everything so when she needs to she can yank on one of the strings and reel someone in with a "favour" to ask. Don't even consider refusing! So she attached these strings to things like the aforementioned wedding gift and other things like takeout she said, at that time, was her "treat" to us, but then complained in private (that was picked up on recording) that we didn't pitch in a few bucks.
So she's fucking bugging, as we said when I was younger.
Like Egg is genuinely a danger to herself and to others. Especially others. She's threatened to stab the neighbour. She's threatened to stab their kids. She's said that if she had a gun she would shoot them. She giggled in giddiness at the prospect of one of the kids getting hit by a car. The courts would crucify her, and it is apparent she doesn't care if she ends up imprisoned.
whatever lawyer took her case would have a handful. could try an insanity plea because she's bipolar and off her meds but in order to that to work they would have to prove that Egg didn't know what she was doing was wrong, and Egg wouldn't be able to fit that criteria.
she's obsessed with the fisherman's knife. she's never getting that knife back btw, H took it and now it's gone forever.
AND THEN... there was the suicide plot that she fucking stole from my own book of suicide plans, I guess—she has no originality lmao.
So what was Egg going to even do anyway? She was gonna jump in the fucking Delaware River and drown herself because, according to her, it was a "quick and easy way to go."
It can take up to three minutes to lose consciousness and then another four to seven minutes to actually die.
Like that is not quick or easy as your body struggles for air.
(There is a reason we abandoned this plan.)
Egg has full blown conversations with...either voices in her head or...I don't know. There's no one there with her, no response said aloud.
"Oh, Karu, what does that even sound like? Talking to yourself out loud?"
I mean. Pretty much? It's like how I sound when I'm talking to H or another alter externally. So like, for example:
From my perspective:
Me: "Should I work on this chapter of Melee Academy today? Or that meta I was planning to start?"
H: "What do you feel like doing today?"
Me: "I dunno. I'd really like to finish that chapter but I also really wanna start that meta."
H: "Finish the chapter. I can help you edit if you need."
Me: "Oh cool, thanks, H!"
To an outsider:
Me: Should I work on this chapter of Melee Academy today? Or that meta I was planning to start?
[pause]
Me: I dunno. I'd really like to finish that chapter but I also really wanna start that meta.
[pause]
Me: Oh cool, thanks H!
idk what it feels like to "talk to yourself" because I'm never talking to myself lmao but it's probs more like, "Oh should I work on this today? I'd really like to finish that chapter... I'll just finish the chapter and then start something new. Yeah! Great!"
Egg goes over like her whole plan. She's going to leave at two in the morning and head down to the beach down the block from our house. Take off her shoes and jacket and whatever else and leave them on the shore for someone to (maybe) find... The whole thing. I haven't listened to this, I'm just getting that from H and Serena (who did listen to it). I didn't want to get triggered so I opted to not lol. But here she was going on about how water would just pour into the lungs and how quick it would be!
Meanwhile H was like, "That is the opposite of quick." Like clearly Egg has never watched someone drown. But then she considered jumping from the Mid-Delaware Bridge, which idk if she would've been able to even make it there since it is quite a trek and especially at that time of night, it's pitch black (due to there not being many streetlamps), but then I guess realised the bridge wasn't high enough and the water wasn't deep enough. Like it would've been easier for her to have just. stepped off from the beach and just kept going until the current swept her up. Like I'm not sure she realised how close the water actually fucking is.
Egg reads her suicide note out loud. Did you know only 25% of suicides leave a note? It's not really something that happens all that often. Most of that 25% leave a note as a guilt trip measure, think along the lines of, "My death is your fault because you never told me you loved me and I always saw you hanging around with other girls." It's usually a last "fuck you". Notes were much more poetic in the Victorian era, where most of them were about leaving this plane "so that my family is no longer saddled with my debts."
I'm not going to furnish a copy of said note, but I will talk about it a bit. Her note is basically "I'm dead because of your wife not bringing me to the eye doctor and because of the neighbourhood kids having it out for me. Please give the police this 'incident report' I made about two of them sitting innocently on the foundation wall when they arrive."
I'm sat here paused, staring at what I've just written like. What the fuck.
But Eggberta CHANGED HER MINE once again, deciding I guess she was too chicken shit to do the deed herself because then she would be the one held accountable (and narcissists are allergic to accountability), so instead she said this:
So because the (in her mind) "gang of middle schoolers" are "terrorising" her and have it out for her (when they're just a bunch of 8 year olds being...eight year olds), her life is a puddle of misery and it's time for her to check out from the Life Hotel early.
As she was saying this whole solilioquy there was an antidepressant commercial playing on the TV and I've never heard something so perfectly juxtaposed in my entire life.
And then she sums up the note with "don't forget to pay the bills and I hope you have a good life, until we meet again!"
I would laugh but it's not even like uncomfortable-laugh-funny it's just "what the fuck did I just read the notes to" disbelief.
So before we left to go upstate Egg was very insistent on us leaving our car keys behind. Which H and I thought was so weird because like. You can't even drive. What do you need the keys for? And when we brought it up she was like, "Oh well you know just in case of an emergency." In reality she wanted the keys left so she could stash her note to me in the passenger seat. Which she later took out because H never found anything.
She was also obsessed with one of the Very Tough Middle Schoolers damaging our car, she insisted that there was a dent in the rear driver side door and...there was nothing. If there is something it's so subtle you can't notice it with the naked eye (but H even ran his fingers all over the door to see how smooth everything was, and it was as smooth as it was when it arrived from the Ford factory). So who cares.
Not to mention that like the paint and everything is covered in a special clear coat that even has a warranty on it and they even put another coating on it from the dealership we got it from (and that warranty) so liiiiiiike. bitch my car is coated in Gundanium alloy lmao.
"So, H, is there anything wrong with the car door?"
"Mm. No. It looks like it always does."
"Aaaa okay so Eggikins wa totemo KUREJI-yare da na."
"Sou."
So yeah. we'll figure out how to fuck this pig, I'm sure.
Karu's got their obligation to that fucking woman now. But what about me? Now I'm all lonely and all by myself.
H had to HOLD ME BACK I stg because the URGE TO GO DOWN THERE and UNLEASH ALL OF MY FUCKING FURY
(or, as Domon Kasshu would put it, "all my anger and all my sorrow!")
WAS STRONG, dear reader! fucking STRONG. "that fucking woman" don't you DARE talk about my wife like that!
as
sarajayechan put it when I posted about this on Plurk:...Egg went out of her way to isolate you from one family member and keep you dependent on her, and she has the gall to cry about being lonely because you finally got tired of that shit?
YOU BET.
Egg is the person who cried about how much I've ~changed~ since Serena and I got together. And yeah, she's right, I did change! I grew a fucking backbone (or maybe it was more like I'd rediscovered my backbone). I found happiness and then somewhere along the way I ended up realising that dear Eggikins is a fucking narcissist and it explains so much. H was going through the recordings too, and he's just like, "She keeps saying, 'It would be nice to have somebody with me.' She doesn't need someone to drive her, she wants someone to hold her hand at a routine eye doctor appointment, like a child."
Egg basically wanted me to be her parent, to hold her hand and give her reassurances like, "It's okay, Eggi, honey, you'll be fine!" when she never did any of that shit for me. Like what the fuck. I am not your parent I am your adult offspring. And not only that, she's so buttchafing mad about my priorities, not obligations but priorities, changing. Serena is taking the spotlight away from her so instead of Dear Egg having my attention every five seconds I have to put things off or not do things for her because my wife needs me.
That's how marriage works, Egg. The only people more important to me than my wife...are our cats. And they're not even technically people, they're felines. But they're more compassionate than you'll ever be.
Anyway Egg thinks that because she gave us $2500 for a wedding gift that we're both obligated to cater to her ever need and whim and ??? that's not how that works. But Egg likes to attach strings to everything so when she needs to she can yank on one of the strings and reel someone in with a "favour" to ask. Don't even consider refusing! So she attached these strings to things like the aforementioned wedding gift and other things like takeout she said, at that time, was her "treat" to us, but then complained in private (that was picked up on recording) that we didn't pitch in a few bucks.
So she's fucking bugging, as we said when I was younger.
Like Egg is genuinely a danger to herself and to others. Especially others. She's threatened to stab the neighbour. She's threatened to stab their kids. She's said that if she had a gun she would shoot them. She giggled in giddiness at the prospect of one of the kids getting hit by a car. The courts would crucify her, and it is apparent she doesn't care if she ends up imprisoned.
whatever lawyer took her case would have a handful. could try an insanity plea because she's bipolar and off her meds but in order to that to work they would have to prove that Egg didn't know what she was doing was wrong, and Egg wouldn't be able to fit that criteria.
she's obsessed with the fisherman's knife. she's never getting that knife back btw, H took it and now it's gone forever.
AND THEN... there was the suicide plot that she fucking stole from my own book of suicide plans, I guess—she has no originality lmao.
So what was Egg going to even do anyway? She was gonna jump in the fucking Delaware River and drown herself because, according to her, it was a "quick and easy way to go."
It can take up to three minutes to lose consciousness and then another four to seven minutes to actually die.
Like that is not quick or easy as your body struggles for air.
(There is a reason we abandoned this plan.)
Egg has full blown conversations with...either voices in her head or...I don't know. There's no one there with her, no response said aloud.
"Oh, Karu, what does that even sound like? Talking to yourself out loud?"
I mean. Pretty much? It's like how I sound when I'm talking to H or another alter externally. So like, for example:
Me: "Should I work on this chapter of Melee Academy today? Or that meta I was planning to start?"
H: "What do you feel like doing today?"
Me: "I dunno. I'd really like to finish that chapter but I also really wanna start that meta."
H: "Finish the chapter. I can help you edit if you need."
Me: "Oh cool, thanks, H!"
To an outsider:
Me: Should I work on this chapter of Melee Academy today? Or that meta I was planning to start?
[pause]
Me: I dunno. I'd really like to finish that chapter but I also really wanna start that meta.
[pause]
Me: Oh cool, thanks H!
idk what it feels like to "talk to yourself" because I'm never talking to myself lmao but it's probs more like, "Oh should I work on this today? I'd really like to finish that chapter... I'll just finish the chapter and then start something new. Yeah! Great!"
Egg goes over like her whole plan. She's going to leave at two in the morning and head down to the beach down the block from our house. Take off her shoes and jacket and whatever else and leave them on the shore for someone to (maybe) find... The whole thing. I haven't listened to this, I'm just getting that from H and Serena (who did listen to it). I didn't want to get triggered so I opted to not lol. But here she was going on about how water would just pour into the lungs and how quick it would be!
Meanwhile H was like, "That is the opposite of quick." Like clearly Egg has never watched someone drown. But then she considered jumping from the Mid-Delaware Bridge, which idk if she would've been able to even make it there since it is quite a trek and especially at that time of night, it's pitch black (due to there not being many streetlamps), but then I guess realised the bridge wasn't high enough and the water wasn't deep enough. Like it would've been easier for her to have just. stepped off from the beach and just kept going until the current swept her up. Like I'm not sure she realised how close the water actually fucking is.
Egg reads her suicide note out loud. Did you know only 25% of suicides leave a note? It's not really something that happens all that often. Most of that 25% leave a note as a guilt trip measure, think along the lines of, "My death is your fault because you never told me you loved me and I always saw you hanging around with other girls." It's usually a last "fuck you". Notes were much more poetic in the Victorian era, where most of them were about leaving this plane "so that my family is no longer saddled with my debts."
I'm not going to furnish a copy of said note, but I will talk about it a bit. Her note is basically "I'm dead because of your wife not bringing me to the eye doctor and because of the neighbourhood kids having it out for me. Please give the police this 'incident report' I made about two of them sitting innocently on the foundation wall when they arrive."
I'm sat here paused, staring at what I've just written like. What the fuck.
But Eggberta CHANGED HER MINE once again, deciding I guess she was too chicken shit to do the deed herself because then she would be the one held accountable (and narcissists are allergic to accountability), so instead she said this:
Please Lord, please… I’m leaving it up to you, whether I go natural, or I go suicide. (repeats the word “suicide”) I’m leaving it up to you. But I just can’t go through with it anymore. And there’s just no way out. No way out. It’s relentless and I just can’t keep at it. It’s just too bad, you know, that it had to end this way.
So because the (in her mind) "gang of middle schoolers" are "terrorising" her and have it out for her (when they're just a bunch of 8 year olds being...eight year olds), her life is a puddle of misery and it's time for her to check out from the Life Hotel early.
As she was saying this whole solilioquy there was an antidepressant commercial playing on the TV and I've never heard something so perfectly juxtaposed in my entire life.
And then she sums up the note with "don't forget to pay the bills and I hope you have a good life, until we meet again!"
I would laugh but it's not even like uncomfortable-laugh-funny it's just "what the fuck did I just read the notes to" disbelief.
So before we left to go upstate Egg was very insistent on us leaving our car keys behind. Which H and I thought was so weird because like. You can't even drive. What do you need the keys for? And when we brought it up she was like, "Oh well you know just in case of an emergency." In reality she wanted the keys left so she could stash her note to me in the passenger seat. Which she later took out because H never found anything.
She was also obsessed with one of the Very Tough Middle Schoolers damaging our car, she insisted that there was a dent in the rear driver side door and...there was nothing. If there is something it's so subtle you can't notice it with the naked eye (but H even ran his fingers all over the door to see how smooth everything was, and it was as smooth as it was when it arrived from the Ford factory). So who cares.
Not to mention that like the paint and everything is covered in a special clear coat that even has a warranty on it and they even put another coating on it from the dealership we got it from (and that warranty) so liiiiiiike. bitch my car is coated in Gundanium alloy lmao.
"So, H, is there anything wrong with the car door?"
"Mm. No. It looks like it always does."
"Aaaa okay so Eggikins wa totemo KUREJI-yare da na."
"Sou."
So yeah. we'll figure out how to fuck this pig, I'm sure.
