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omaewokorosuThis is gonna be long but it sums up what has been happening over the past year and especially the past couple of months.
you know the saying "you want the truth? you can't handle the truth?"
yeah. Egg couldn't handle the truth I laid out for her last night. That her behaviour the past year or so has made living here a living hell. That her behaviour a few months ago with this eye doctor thing has made living here a worse hell. That her behaviour last month is not only completely unacceptable, but has created a very hostile, volatile, and unsafe living environment. The things she's said about my wife simply because she said "no, I can't help you with that, sorry"? Completely unacceptable. It's abuse. Everything is abuse. Her threatening harm against the neighbours and their children because kids are *gasp* doing kid things like playing outside and getting into trouble? extremely concerning. And she had the gall to deny it all, when I have this shit recorded in case I needed the police involved.
Which I ended up getting the police involved yesterday because I was concerned she was going to harm others. Myself. Especially my wife who she fucking loathes. The kids next door to us. She had detailed plans to harm herself. The police did what they could, which was take a report and sit down with her to go over what her options were (hotlines, mental health resources in the area, etc).
Last night she confronted us about it and I told her the truth. I was concerned for her wellbeing, since she talked about how she wished for death every day and had a plan to end her life. I was concerned for the wellbeing of everyone else (me, my wife, the people around us). Her obsession with a particular knife that I purposely hid from her since she tried to do something stupid with it last month. That she has made living here so fucking toxic and unsafe that we were going to find toxic free, safe living arrangements. She wanted us to brush everything under the rug. She said that she was willing to forgive if we were. That's not how forgiveness works. What she has done to everyone here is beyond forgiveness. She has completely ruined this family because of her mind games, because of her manipulation, because of the vitriol that she's been spewing going back as far as 2018 when she cut ties with one of her kids over something completely trivial.
I told her she needs help. She needs so much fucking help. She denied it. Despite her complete hatred of life and those around her, she denied that she needed help. I told her her bipolar disorder, which she stopped taking meds for against doctor's orders, is completely out of control, worse than it was when we lived in Kearny, and things were toxic then. She ended up being a complete danger to everyone, including herself. I told her to please get help. Go to the ER and tell them you have a plan in place to end your life and they will help you. Do *something*. Otherwise my wife and I cannot stay here. We would need to leave immediately.
Now we segue to this morning, at 6:03, where she did the exact same thing she did a month ago. Except replace "I tried to kill myself" with "I'm having a mental breakdown". She was very insistent I come downstairs. I refused, because gut instinct saying DANGER, WILL ROBINSON, DANGER means that I will stay the fuck away and not be the gazelle eaten by the lion. Instead, I called 911, explained the situation, and they sent someone out. Because there is nothing more I can do for her except call people to the house who are trained to deal with this sort of thing. She went with them willingly to the local hospital.
I told her I was done playing games.
I told her I was done fucking around, that I was serious.
That if anything further happened, I would get whoever I needed to get involved. PJPD, APS, whoever.
Even if she does end up medicated again, even if she does become better again, how do I know that she won't wake up one morning and stop taking her meds because she feels fine? I will never be able to trust her again. That trust is gone. I will never feel safe around her again.
My wife and I are planning on finding another place to live that is closer to family. I don't know if she should even return here or if she should go into some sort of long term care facility so that she can be in a place with people who can help her in whatever ways she needs: physically, medically, mentally. A social worker will probably talk to her at the hospital, will probably call to tell me things and I may have to suggest that she enter a place much more appropriate for her, where she can be monitored and taken care of in all the ways that I can't and won't ever be able to.
Maybe the monster wasn't my brother. Maybe the monster this entire time was you. The wolf in sheep's clothing was here the entire time. And I hate thinking that. No one wants to think that about their parent. But this is a situation of her own creation, that got so many innocent people caught up in it. I have C-PTSD because of her actions over the years. Because of how she's treated me, how she's treated my brother, how she's treated my wife, how she's treated the rest of the family. She's cut off everyone because of her own actions. Because of her greed. Because they stopped being useful to her. To not even show an ounce of compassion when my mother-in-law died and didn't understand why my wife had changed. That's what grief does, it changes people. I told her she should know, she lost her own mother. She said she understood and I told her straight up that she had no fucking clue, clearly, because she wouldn't be acting this way if she did.
I told her that she should apologise to her own mother for the way she's been acting, because this is not how she was raised to act. That Nana would be appalled. And doesn't she want to stick around to watch her granddaughter grow up? Does she want to do that from prison if she hurts the neighbour's kids? Does she want to miss out on all the things that my father is missing out on? She didn't seem to care.
They say Karma makes sure you get the life that you deserve. You reap what you sow.
Here it is.
*
Upon telling my egg donor that my wife and I have plans to move out and find our own place, the first words out of her mouth were, "Well I guess I'll have to change things then, and leave everything to [my niece]."
She is willing to disinherit me for the sin of wanting to live my own life out on my own with my wife and cats.
After everything I've done for her over the years, EVERYTHING. Helped her pack up the apartment, helped her move, helped her buy the house, did shit around the house for her, mow the lawn, do yard work, shovel, buy her things when she needs things, do her grocery shopping, drive her around to appointments and shit, AFTER EVERYTHING I HAVE EVER DONE FOR HER... That is a slap in the fucking face, to be told "if you leave me then I'll disown you." I told her most parents are happy when their kids move out. Why can't she be happy for me? Doesn't she want me to be independent? She had nothing to fucking say. She then tried to backtrack but at that point it was too late.
She wants our close relationship back? That's fucked anyway, it's done. She ruined it with her nonsense. She's nailed possibly the last nail in the coffin for our relationship as mother and child EVER recovering after that. Because how fucking dare she. I have spent most of my life catering to her needs. I put my life on HOLD for her, and this is the thanks she wants to give me?
It's not about the money or the jewelry, it's the principle. She is willing to throw me away...because I'm not doing what she wants me to do. I am not living the life that she wants me to live, which is to basically be her servant.
I called her disgusting, because that is absolutely disgusting. This whole thing is irredeemable, a lost cause. Nana would be so upset seeing this. Knowing that this is what her daughter is doing to the grandchildren she loved so fucking much.
I guess I should find my room on the S.S. Disinherited where my brother Michael is captain.
you know the saying "you want the truth? you can't handle the truth?"
yeah. Egg couldn't handle the truth I laid out for her last night. That her behaviour the past year or so has made living here a living hell. That her behaviour a few months ago with this eye doctor thing has made living here a worse hell. That her behaviour last month is not only completely unacceptable, but has created a very hostile, volatile, and unsafe living environment. The things she's said about my wife simply because she said "no, I can't help you with that, sorry"? Completely unacceptable. It's abuse. Everything is abuse. Her threatening harm against the neighbours and their children because kids are *gasp* doing kid things like playing outside and getting into trouble? extremely concerning. And she had the gall to deny it all, when I have this shit recorded in case I needed the police involved.
Which I ended up getting the police involved yesterday because I was concerned she was going to harm others. Myself. Especially my wife who she fucking loathes. The kids next door to us. She had detailed plans to harm herself. The police did what they could, which was take a report and sit down with her to go over what her options were (hotlines, mental health resources in the area, etc).
Last night she confronted us about it and I told her the truth. I was concerned for her wellbeing, since she talked about how she wished for death every day and had a plan to end her life. I was concerned for the wellbeing of everyone else (me, my wife, the people around us). Her obsession with a particular knife that I purposely hid from her since she tried to do something stupid with it last month. That she has made living here so fucking toxic and unsafe that we were going to find toxic free, safe living arrangements. She wanted us to brush everything under the rug. She said that she was willing to forgive if we were. That's not how forgiveness works. What she has done to everyone here is beyond forgiveness. She has completely ruined this family because of her mind games, because of her manipulation, because of the vitriol that she's been spewing going back as far as 2018 when she cut ties with one of her kids over something completely trivial.
I told her she needs help. She needs so much fucking help. She denied it. Despite her complete hatred of life and those around her, she denied that she needed help. I told her her bipolar disorder, which she stopped taking meds for against doctor's orders, is completely out of control, worse than it was when we lived in Kearny, and things were toxic then. She ended up being a complete danger to everyone, including herself. I told her to please get help. Go to the ER and tell them you have a plan in place to end your life and they will help you. Do *something*. Otherwise my wife and I cannot stay here. We would need to leave immediately.
Now we segue to this morning, at 6:03, where she did the exact same thing she did a month ago. Except replace "I tried to kill myself" with "I'm having a mental breakdown". She was very insistent I come downstairs. I refused, because gut instinct saying DANGER, WILL ROBINSON, DANGER means that I will stay the fuck away and not be the gazelle eaten by the lion. Instead, I called 911, explained the situation, and they sent someone out. Because there is nothing more I can do for her except call people to the house who are trained to deal with this sort of thing. She went with them willingly to the local hospital.
I told her I was done playing games.
I told her I was done fucking around, that I was serious.
That if anything further happened, I would get whoever I needed to get involved. PJPD, APS, whoever.
Even if she does end up medicated again, even if she does become better again, how do I know that she won't wake up one morning and stop taking her meds because she feels fine? I will never be able to trust her again. That trust is gone. I will never feel safe around her again.
My wife and I are planning on finding another place to live that is closer to family. I don't know if she should even return here or if she should go into some sort of long term care facility so that she can be in a place with people who can help her in whatever ways she needs: physically, medically, mentally. A social worker will probably talk to her at the hospital, will probably call to tell me things and I may have to suggest that she enter a place much more appropriate for her, where she can be monitored and taken care of in all the ways that I can't and won't ever be able to.
Maybe the monster wasn't my brother. Maybe the monster this entire time was you. The wolf in sheep's clothing was here the entire time. And I hate thinking that. No one wants to think that about their parent. But this is a situation of her own creation, that got so many innocent people caught up in it. I have C-PTSD because of her actions over the years. Because of how she's treated me, how she's treated my brother, how she's treated my wife, how she's treated the rest of the family. She's cut off everyone because of her own actions. Because of her greed. Because they stopped being useful to her. To not even show an ounce of compassion when my mother-in-law died and didn't understand why my wife had changed. That's what grief does, it changes people. I told her she should know, she lost her own mother. She said she understood and I told her straight up that she had no fucking clue, clearly, because she wouldn't be acting this way if she did.
I told her that she should apologise to her own mother for the way she's been acting, because this is not how she was raised to act. That Nana would be appalled. And doesn't she want to stick around to watch her granddaughter grow up? Does she want to do that from prison if she hurts the neighbour's kids? Does she want to miss out on all the things that my father is missing out on? She didn't seem to care.
They say Karma makes sure you get the life that you deserve. You reap what you sow.
Here it is.
*
Upon telling my egg donor that my wife and I have plans to move out and find our own place, the first words out of her mouth were, "Well I guess I'll have to change things then, and leave everything to [my niece]."
She is willing to disinherit me for the sin of wanting to live my own life out on my own with my wife and cats.
After everything I've done for her over the years, EVERYTHING. Helped her pack up the apartment, helped her move, helped her buy the house, did shit around the house for her, mow the lawn, do yard work, shovel, buy her things when she needs things, do her grocery shopping, drive her around to appointments and shit, AFTER EVERYTHING I HAVE EVER DONE FOR HER... That is a slap in the fucking face, to be told "if you leave me then I'll disown you." I told her most parents are happy when their kids move out. Why can't she be happy for me? Doesn't she want me to be independent? She had nothing to fucking say. She then tried to backtrack but at that point it was too late.
She wants our close relationship back? That's fucked anyway, it's done. She ruined it with her nonsense. She's nailed possibly the last nail in the coffin for our relationship as mother and child EVER recovering after that. Because how fucking dare she. I have spent most of my life catering to her needs. I put my life on HOLD for her, and this is the thanks she wants to give me?
It's not about the money or the jewelry, it's the principle. She is willing to throw me away...because I'm not doing what she wants me to do. I am not living the life that she wants me to live, which is to basically be her servant.
I called her disgusting, because that is absolutely disgusting. This whole thing is irredeemable, a lost cause. Nana would be so upset seeing this. Knowing that this is what her daughter is doing to the grandchildren she loved so fucking much.
I guess I should find my room on the S.S. Disinherited where my brother Michael is captain.
