the best fucking revenge

[omaewokorosu]

Growing up what I had in life was
living in a house that was inherited that
ended up in complete shambles and filled with awful memories because of
mismanaged finances on both of my parents’ parts and their unhappy marriage that resulted in
three kids my father loved and two my “mother” had no ability to love at all
one Golden Child on the way to becoming a covert narcissist himself and
two Scapegoats, one of whom is disowned, the other is on their way to S. S. Disinherited
paternal family that absolutely hated my egg donor
probably for a good reason, they could sense her evil
maternal family that outside of a few were complete strangers
the happiest memories I have as a child all involve the Homestead
aka my maternal grandparents’ house
any other place just gave me a fuckton of trauma
my Catholic school
the Catholic church
my psychiatrist’s office
my town
and getting out of New Jersey is something I never once regretted

Here are the things that I lost out on because of my egg donor:
actual family relationships with extended family that wasn’t hers (and even then it was select extended family)
having an actual childhood filled with going to friends’ houses, hanging out with friends, riding a bike, doing regular kid things and it was all heavily discouraged because
I was going to be Egg’s “caregiver” and had been since I was 10 years old because
at 56 my dad died and she refused to cope and opted to try and erase him and
she refused to help anyone else cope either because everything is always all about her and
I lost out on five years with my brother because she manipulated and completely gaslit me whenever he came up in conversation and she forced me to cut him off and
she didn’t ever want me to have any romantic relationships because it meant that the focus would no longer be on her but on someone else and
against all fucking odds I ended up finding someone and she’s once again refused to cope and opted to try and erase her and
I am tired of my growth being stunted and my life being put on hold because she won’t fucking adult and there are
two ways out of this for me and one ends with me no longer existing and once again I must point out that
she would make my funeral all. about. her. and her grief. and pretend that my wife doesn’t exist

So here’s my plan for the best revenge I could have at this point:
buy a house for the same price as this one or a bit more that is
way nicer (and cuter!) than this hellhole and
makes me feel at peace with myself because it's
my home–not a house but an actual home–that belongs to me and my wife and our cats that
we can decorate as we please and
fill with happy memories involving our family and our friends instead of living in some isolated bubble.

Everything I never had growing up.