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omaewokorosuPreviously on Weiss Kreuz Kapitel...
Weiss Kreuz Kapitel Episode Master List
Yeah, I was bored, okay?
Weiss Kreuz is the property of Koyasu Takehito, Project Weiss, and other people who are Not Me. I'm not being paid to do these reviews, because if I were, I'd've been fired after the first one. I'm doing this because I can.
You know the drill: spoilers, fangirls, pictures.
Not much to babble about as the credits roll... How was everyone's weekday? I, uh, bought myself a Nook Color and named it "Nagi"... Anything exciting happen? Devils lost to St. Louis in a shootout last night...
Oh look, the credits are done.
So typical stock footage is used. Some guy's getting the crap knocked out of him over a wallet. Then we see some thing with glowing eyes and they try to pick a fight with it. They presumably get pwned and the cops JUST SO HAPPEN to walk by. They are freaked and start shooting, and I am sitting here going WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING? because I am writing this from the perspective of someone who has never seen this episode. Truth is, I've seen this episode more times than I can count. Why? Well, gentle and dearest reader (all two of you), if you continue reading, it will be explained to you.
WITH PICTURES. :D
Raubtier - animal, though apparently according to this one dictionary I use, it can mean "predator".
apparently these animals howl. Like wolves? You be the judge.
We get a shot of some buildings, naturally. It's not Weiss Kreuz unless we see some stock footage of some buildings or sunsets or people not doing anything. Some guy is crying in the corner of his room, and since I spy a Playstation (a rectangular shaped one at that!) and a TV tuned in to white noise, I guess he lost a game of Marvel vs. Capcom or he couldn't figure out a puzzle in Chrono Cross or something and ragequit. Who knows? I certainly don't. He's getting flashbacks of, well, running from these Raubtiere (hurr see what I did there). I guess they were all having a Hulk moment or something? I don't know. I'm here for pretty boys, not complex plots that probably aren't complex at all, and I am just making them complex because that is what I do. His phone is ringing, and then KONEKO TIME.
OMG ALL FOUR OF THEM ARE HERE FJDKFJKDS and god, Omi, you look really derp in this frame. Also I just noticed that that table is strangely shaped. Anyway, strange tables aside, the two girls who decide to come to the Koneko decide to pray for better grades and useless shit and Ken's all, "Don't pray to us, we're not gods!" Kenken, you are totes misinformed. Of course you're gods. Why else would they pray to you? And then Aya goes on with his IF YOU'RE NOT GIVING US MONEY, GTFO speech that probably everyone ignores.
"Is that any way to speak to your customers?" Well, Ouka has a point, you know. Stop being a douche, Aya.
"Oh, it's Princess Ouka again," sighs Ken.
"Do something, handsome," says Yohji to Omi, who is on the phone trying to confirm someone's flower order. Omi is understandably all WTF.
OMI. I WOULD LIKE A BOUQUET OF YOUR MOST FRAGRANT FLOWERS. RIGHT NOW.
WHAT IS 'MOST FRAGRANT'?
Someone tries to stop Ouka, but Ouka replies to Sayaka (the girl who tried to stop Ouka) to not worry about a thing.
IT'S MY TOKEN OF APPRECIATION FOR YOU TO SHOW EVERYONE THAT I MUST SUCK UP TO PEOPLE TO BE MY FRIEND. THAT AND YOU HAVEN'T SEEN YOUR BOYFRIEND IN A WHILE. GIVE HIM FLOWERS.
"Boyfriend, huh?" goes Ken. "Enjoying that relationship?" asks Yohji.
HOW RUDE, says Ouka, in a perfect impersonation of Stephanie Tanner. "Sayaka's boyfriend is a top athlete at an elite university." UNLIKE YOU CHUMPS. I BET YOU SECRETLY FLIP BURGERS. EXCEPT YOU, OMI. HE'S NOT TO BE LUMPED IN WITH YOU FUCKERS.
WELL EXCUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSE ME, PRINCESS OUKA, goes Ken.
I DON'T DATE KIDS, says Yohji.
WELL, OMI, WHAT ABOUT THOSE FLOWERS? YOU'VE BEEN STANDING HERE LIKE AN IDIOT FOR THE PAST FIVE MINUTES TRYING TO THINK OF WHAT 'MOST FRAGRANT' MEANS.
LILIES, says Omi. And he bats Ouka's hand away from him, because I guess he doesn't like her touching him or she spews acid or something.
ACTUALLY, that's a cultural thing. In Japan, you don't touch people. If you accidentally touch someone, what you say translates to "I'm sorry for bothering you with my clumsiness." Yeaaaaah.
So then Omi's all LILIES SMELL NICE AND LOOK COOL TOO and Ouka, of course, is all YAY and wow, Ouka, are you really desperate for attention from someone who won't let you buy them over with your money? Seriously.
(I actually like Ouka, even though right now it seems like I don't.)
YOU'RE AWESOME.
WELL I AM A FLORIST, YOU KNOW.
Suddenly, Aya, Ken, Yohji, and Omi leave, which means Persia Has A Mission. Shit's about to get real.
BUT WHAT ABOUT MY FLOWERS?
Momoe steps in. LILIES ARE AWESOME.
Momoe is fucking badass, okay? Okay.
WEISS YOU HAS A MISSION, says Persia. SEE THIS GUY? HE HAD A BAD HAIR DAY AND WENT APESHIT. HE KILLED TWO MEN AND WAS SHOT BY THE POLICE. WHY? IDK. BUT APPARENTLY HE IS NOT, IN FACT, THE HULK, BUT SOME GUY WHOSE DNA HAD BEEN ALTERED AND HE BECAME THE HULK ON STEROIDS. GO STOP THE PEOPLE BEHIND THIS SHIT. NOW. click
Everyone is all WHAT?
"Here's a book of data and shit," says Manx.
WAIT WAIT WAIT, says Ken. WHAT THE FUCK? WHERE'S THE REST OF OUR ORDERS? PERSIA DID NOT GIVE US THE FRIES TO OUR NUMBER FIVE COMBO WITH EXTRA CHEESE AND RANCH DIP!
YEAH, says Yohji. HOW CAN WE DO ANYTHING WITH SO LITTLE INFORMATION?
WHO ARE WE WHACKING? asks Omi.
WHAT, YOU EXPECT KRITIKER TO HOLD YOUR HAND THROUGHOUT ALL THE MISSIONS? GET REAL, retorts Manx. SHOW ME THAT YOU'RE NOT JUST PRETTY BOYS.
WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY? asks Ken. Aya puts a stop to this bullshit, grabs the file, and looks through it.
WHAT THE FUCK, goes Aya. THIS IS ALL WE GET EVEN WITH YOU PEOPLE? ALL THESE BLANK PAGES AND TWO LINES OF TEXT?
IN CASE YOU WANTED TO KNOW, NO, WE'RE NOT WITHHOLDING INFO FROM YOU. THAT WOULD DO NO ONE ANY GOOD ANYWAY.
Aya is miffed, but what can he do?
WELL I'M IN, says Aya.
"So, how about you guys?"
They all eventually agree.
THE NEXT DAY, there is this kid who looks a little shady who's watching the news. The kid who got shot for Going Hulk is named Matsuo Tadashi. Shady Kid is having flashbacks of some chick with glasses doing that Evil Lens Flare Thing telling him they appreciate him participating in a study about pharmaceuticals. How the hell is this traumatising?
Well judging by her Evil Lens Flare, I would say she's fucking evil and up to no good and this guy is probably going to have a bad hair day and turn into Godzilla or some shit.
SUDDENLY, FLOWERS. "It's for you!" indeed.
FDJFDSJFKDS FLOWERS WHAT IS THIS
"My friend said I should take these to you, since I haven't seen you in so long."
Oh. Oh okay. Thanks for shoving them in my face.
"How's your arubaito?"
"UH. IDK. MY BFF JILL?"
"ARE YOU OKAY YOU DON'T LOOK SO HAPPY."
"IT'S NOTHING, THANKS FOR THE FLOWERS."
"DON'T GO THAT WAY, YOU NEED TO DO AS I SAY BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN BLOWING ME OFF THE PAST TWO WEEKS."
and in case no one knows what an arubaito is, it's a part-time job. I have an arubaito. The origins of this word are actually really interesting. It comes from the German word for "work", which is "arbeit". Chyeah. Interesting in that it shows up in a series with Gratuitous German all over the damn place.
"Arubaito" is not the worst German to Japanese pronunciation in the world, either. You want suck? Try to figure out what the hell "shurudihhi" is supposed to be. And if you can't pronounce it right, no worries. Okiayu fudges it every time he says it. Which is quite a bit.
AND NOW WE'RE AT PERSIA'S OFFICE.
"How are they doing?" he asks Manx.
THEY ARE STILL WTFING OVER THE MISSION.
WELL I DON'T BLAME THEM.
"Are you still unsure?" Unsure about what? I don't know.
"No... I made up my mind when I formed Weiss."
"Then why?" CAN SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT IS GOING ON?
"My decision should be final, but..."
And then we see a picture of Takatori and his son Masafumi appear on Persia's computer screen.
"That's what is sad about humans."
did i miss something
halp
More pictures of Takatori Masafumi. Do you have a mancrush or something, Persia? ALSO WTF ARE YOU WEARING, MASAFUMI? A CREAM SUIT JACKET WITH A BUBBLEGUM PINK VEST, LILAC SHIRT, AND DARK BLUE TIE? DID YOU FIND THAT IN CRAWFORD'S CLOSET SOMEWHERE? NOT EVEN HE'D BE CAUGHT DEAD WEARING PINK OF ALL COLOURS. ARGH.
I just. idk.
NOW TO SOME ICE CREAM SHOP, where there is parfait and stuff.
"What's wrong, Tetsuya?" and why did I want to type "Tatsuya"? I'm not reviewing Utena's Onion Prince episode, fingers. I mean really.
HUH WHAT
"You haven't touched your--" I BEG PARDON--
"parfait."
Oh. Oh. Whoops.
I really need to let people finish their sentences.
"SORRY. THIS PARFAIT IS AWESOME."
Sayaka continues with her drink and Tetsuya...still isn't eating his parfait. And why is your hat brim covering your eyes all the time? That's some shady shit there, mister.
I WAS THINKING OF EATING IT I SWEAR.
:D LOL UR CUTE
"Sayaka... Do I seem different to you?"
WELL YOU DO LOOK A LITTLE SHADY--
"Huh?"
"L-Like, am I hairier or are my teeth longer?"
WHY ARE YOU ASKING THESE QUESTIONS?
I THINK I'M BECOMING JACOB BLACK.
well it's better than becoming Edward Cullen, I guess. I mean at least Taylor Lautner is cute and good looking with his shirt off.
"Um. Not really. Are you into beauty care or something?" ARE YOU BECOMING TEEN WOLF?
"N-No. It wasn't like that."
CUE FLASHBACK. Some guy's being wheeled on a stretcher. He's, uh, dead. He's got a sheet over him, so yeah. Tetsuya freaks. Especially since the guy looks like King Kong's tiny brother.
BACK TO WEISS. Wait. What's this?
Is that... Is that Windows 98? 97? 95?
I have fond memories of 95 since it was the first time I didn't have to use DOS. Yes, I remember DOS. I also remember five and a half inch floppy discs that, well, were floppy. I'm a dinosaur. So's that computer. Wow. Look, kids, that's what computers before Windows XP looked like! Amazing!
So yeah, as the picture above says, Omi's hacked into the police's database and got part of the DNA analysis from the incident. Some genetic code's been switched with a mountain gorilla's, although the segment Omi has has komodo dragon DNA in it. I shit you not. Is this even possible?
Clearly Bullshit Science is at work, here.
Ken wants to know how this is even possible, as does probably everyone in the audience. I know I sure as hell want to know.
"I don't know," says Omi. WELL. THANKS A LOT. He then tells us that it's possible to switch part of the genetic code within a strand of DNA, like what we can do with viruses. So replacing a segment of human DNA with DNA from a different species can be done, but the real question is HOW THE FUCK DO YOU STABLISE THIS SHIT? It's basically the work of a genius.
A genius who is a mad scientist, whose father is involved with centuries old old people with are involved with some Very Shady Shit and maybe I should make a relationships chart or something so everyone at home can keep this shit straight.
Omi goes on to say that this type of information is tightly guarded, and in Japan, there are hundreds of facilities researching DNA and what happens when you fuck around with it for fun. IT'S GONNA BE HARD TO FIND SUSPICIOUS FACILTIES.
WELL HAVE FUN, BYE OMI, says pretty much everyone except Aya.
Omi whines about how this is all Persia's fault since they have no information.
Aya, in the dub, tells Omi to "quit your bitching", and Omi replies, "Yes sir." ffff. In the original, which is what I'm watching right now, Aya tells Omi to "save that [your whining] until we find out target." Omi's answer is still, "Yes, sir," which is basically him saying, "Hai."
I don't think the dub realises how out of character it is for Aya to say "quit your bitching"...
BACK TO THE HAPPY COUPLE. Sayaka is at a UFO doll crane machine, wherein she gets a teddy bear. She's all LOOK, TETSUYA :D but then when she sees how distracted her boyfriend is, she questions whether she's boring him or if he doesn't love her anymore. I STILL LOVE YOU, YOU'RE NOT BORING ME AT ALL.
"But you haven't smiled at all..."
"If something happened to me, what would you do?"
"What?"
"What if I was no longer human..." BUT INSTEAD I ENDED UP AS A WEREWOLF?
WHAT
IT'S A VALID QUESTION
where the fuck is Schwarz this shit is driving me crazy
"Why do you keep asking questions like that? You don't like me anymore?"
wait. what does him asking WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF I DIED TOMORROW? have to do with him not liking you? wtf. Talk about jumping to conclusions...
"OF COURSE I LIKE YOU OHMAHGAWD."
Tetsuya has what appears to be a heart attack, which means our climax is coming soon. Which means I am one step closer to my boys.
"Did something happen at work?"
"N-no!"
"But--"
"IT'S NOTHING."
wow. what an asshole.
Some guy asks Sayaka if the bear she got is hers since she, uh, left it in the machine. She takes it. He's all WE SHOULD GO OUT TO COFFEE. She's all UHH. Tetsuya decides to turn into the Hulk sorta. He crushes the flowers Ouka got for Sayaka to give to him, and starts staggering like someone who's been at a bar during St. Patrick's Day the whole day. Guy goes through a coffee shop window across the street. I guess that's what he does when he's pissed off, like how Nagi levels buildings when you piss him off.
Oh right, you guys haven't been introduced yet. /sigh
My boys are coming, I promise.
Sayaka says it's okay, everything's fine, she's fine, see? SUDDENLY, HAIRY PALMS. He runs off, because I guess him turning into a werewolf in public is embarrassing or something. He starts having more flashbacks, of him strapped to a stretcher and being wheeled into...a room of sorts. I'M NOT A MONSTER, I'M A HUMAAAAAN. And then a dramatic pan out.
KEN EYECATCHER which means we're half-way through this episode WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY BOYS I DEMAND TO SEE THEM.
...
SHIT BROWN AND LILAC AGAIN, MASAFUMI? NO WONDER YOUR FATHER HATES YOU.
Ahem. We start this scene off with Masafumi standing before his father, hisharem female entourage behind him, of course. From left to right, we have Hell, Tot, Schön, and Neu. Takatori is furious, wanting to know how Masafumi could let this shit happen, and just to prove how pissed he is, he bangs his fist on his desk in a RAAAAAAAEG way. Anyway, Takatori found out about Masafumi's shenanigans from the media because they were going all papa-paparazzi on his ass, asking weird questions and shit and his bodyguard had to punch them all out so they could escape.
SPEAKING OF HIS BODYGUARDS.
wow, Crawford, you look kind of derp, and Nagi looks like a ten year old Ash Ketchum a little bit. ANYWAY.
From left to right we have Brad Crawford, who you became acquainted with in episode two; Nagi Naoe, who you shouldn't underestimate ever because he will throw a building at you; Schuldig, who is my favourite out of all of them and no his hair is not orange, thank you; and Farfarello, who is probably the strangest of the bunch. Guess which one Midorikawa Hikaru voices.
WHAT WERE YOU DOING? WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO IF THIS GETS OUT? rages Takatori, drowning out my squeals for Schuldig.
FEAR NOT, FATHER. THEY CAN'T TALK ONCE THEY'RE FULLY MUTATED.
but what if they tell someone before that happens? betcha didn't think about that.
Tot giggles, because people mutating is HIGHlarious. Just ask Farfarello. Oh no wait, that's mutilating. Well same shit.
IF ANY OF THIS SHOULD COME BACK ON ME, I WILL HAVE YOUR HEAD ON A SILVER PLATTER, continues Takatori.
There's a shot of Schreient, and then there's this:
Well at least Crawford's wearing his usual ensemble today, it seems. And he looks less derp in this shot. ...Nagi looks like a girl, though. WHO THE HELL DREW THIS STUFF? Also I could totes Photoshop Crawford and Schuldig next to each other and it would look awesome--
okay anyway.
I'LL BE CAREFUL, FATHER. I PROMISE.
also
Schuldig is totes looking at Crawford. Go ahead, follow his gaze. Nagi's looking at Takator, Crawford is looking at Takatori, Farfarello is staring in Nagi's direction, and Schuldig is gazing to his right, where Crawford is.
Bet you anything he's thinking dirty thoughts to him. :D Once Takatori is done with us for the day, how about we go somewhere...private?
Maybe.
OMG DID YOU GUYS FORGET ABOUT THE TEAM LINK?
JFDKSFJDSK NAGI GTFO OUT OF HERE.
You brought this on yourself, Schuldig.
in case you didn't know, I love Schwarz.
SO UM ANYWAY. Crawford asks Takatori if he wants Masafumi to get away with all the crap he's pulled, and Takatori responds that this is Masafumi's last chance. If he fucks up again, Crawford can take care of him. Crawford obliges. They get to the elevator.
GET USED TO IT. If Schuldig is in the picture, I'm taking it. And look, I even took the subtitles off.
Goddammit Schuldig. Hnnnnng.
(Funny story: on Crawford, Schuldig's hair looks more orange-y. On Sain's monitor, his hair looks more red.)
SO UM ANYWAY, Nagi says, over the telepathic link, that Masafumi is interesting. Schuldig asks, "How so?"
"He thinks like we do. He formed the ladies' group because he aspires to be like us, right?"
"That's his first mistake." God, Schuldig, you're so smirky. You smug bastard. ...And Nagi just looks like an uke WHAT THE HELL WERE THEY THINKING and I love how oblivious Takatori is to all of this.
Farfarello decides to make an appearance, just long enough to say, "Schreient, his gaudy dolls..."
OKAY SO. GEEK TIME. Though "Schreient" does mean "screaming", if it's used as an adjective, it can mean "loud", or "garish" or "gaudy". Basically like how I could describe Schuldig's hair as "loud" and say something like Sein Haar ist so schreiend. ...yeah. IT MAKES SENSE, OKAY.
ANYWAY.
Masafumi is looking out the many windows in his office--I guess it's his office--with hisharem entourage around him, and we get a shot of the traffic below for...some reason.
"The power hungry maggot... He can't even begin to understand my superior plans."
"You shouldn't speak of your father like that," says Hell.
"WHO GIVES A FUCK? WHEN I RULE THE WORLD, HE WILL BE THE FIRST TO DIE." And when your father rules the world, guess who'll be the first sacrifice :D?
"But he'll call off the experiment if we don't do anything."
what is this experiment everyone keeps talking about
seriously
is it important?
does anyone care?
Tot says, from her place on the floor, "Papa, are you in trouble?" Yes, Tot. He is. He's in deep shit with his father, who just told his bodyguards to kill him if he fucks up again. Talk about tough love. "Papa" doesn't answer, and Schoen says they'll take care of the other guy who escaped. And Tot says she wants to go too, and jumps on Masafumi and kisses him, saying, "No one gives Papa a hard time!" I'm half-expecting her to add in a "but me!" part.
Just to let you guys know in advance, there will be Tot spam at some point.
Neu just nods. She's too cool to talk, I guess. THEN IT'S GROUP HUG TIME.
"Oh, Schreient... My sweet dolls."
creepercreepercreeper
reet reet reet
SCENE CHANGE TO BUILDINGS AND A NIGHT SKY
Now we're in an apartment with a broken sliding door, a ripped shirt over a table, some shit knocked over, and someone's answering machine picking up a call. HAI IT'S ASADA. I R NOT TEH HOME RITE NAO, BUT I CAN CALL J00 BACK WHENEVAR. KTHNXBAI.
"Tetsuya! It's your girlfriend! Pick up the phone! I'm not mad! Call me back, okay?"
Meanwhile Tetsuya is sitting in his shower, letting the water hit him, as a razor falls from his hand and we see his attempts at shaving all the hair away. All it accomplished was clogging his shower drain. Ouch.
BACK TO THE KONEKO.
Ken is, as usual, moving shit around. "Oh he's not here," says a girl. "He's so pretty!" says another.
"We're in the middle of a mission but it's too peaceful, don't you think?" asks Ken.
"So what?" says Yohji, who looks like he's afraid of the floral arrangement he's in the process of handling. "There's nothing we can do."
"This one too," says Aya, who shoves another bouquet into Yohji's arms. "And don't talk about the mission here. The Fangirls might be listening."
"Okay, okay."
Omi crawls out of the dungeon that is their basement with a yawn and a tired look on his face.
"So did you find anything?" asks Ken, who doesn't even ask if Omi's, you know, dying on his feet or anything.
"No."
Ken relays this to Yohji and Aya, and Yohji says, "Maybe we should have passed on this one."
So Aya walks...presumably towards Ken and Omi when Ouka comes bursting through the doors because, well, she's Princess Ouka, and needs everyone to look at her ~grand entrance~.
At least she always says "good morning" or something.
"Oh boy," says Yohji.
OMI WHAT THE HELL:
I am going to let the guilty look on Omi's face and where his hand is positioned speak for itself.
I think Ouka is right to look a little worried.
"I've come to ask a man's opinion on something today, Omi."
Because clearly Omi's had all the experience in the world.
Omi's even surprised! "M-Man's opinion?"
"What's the matter, Miss Ouka?" asks Ken, who probably has slightly more experience than Omi. Maybe. I don't know. If it concerns love, I'd go to Yohji myself, because Omi and Ken are both clueless.
So Ouka tells us about Sayaka's boyfriend, how he's been acting really weird as of late. He won't answer her calls or go out and see her, it's like she's got the Plague! Or maybe he does. Maybe he's got an embarrassing haircut or something. Maybe all he has in his closet that fits are lilac shirts and shit brown coloured ties with cream suits. I wouldn't leave the house either if that were my wardrobe.
Crawford could probably pull it off, but he wouldn't be caught dead in it so it's a moot point.
Ouka continues on to say that Sayaka's boyfriend keeps asking her strange questions, like whether his teeth were different looking or whether or not he's hairier than usual...
"Hairy?" asks Yohji, who probably shuddered inwardly.
"And right in front of Sayaka's eyes, he--"
"Miss Ouka!" Omi interrupts. "I'd like to talk to her about him."
So Omi needing to talk to one girl results in the Koneko closing, leaving a sign on their door reading "closed for business, come again~"
Which makes their fans sadface.
So Ouka presumably called Sayaka up and said COME TO THE KONEKO, or maybe she went and got her herself, or made Omi do it, or something, but in any case, Sayaka's at the Koneko sitting at their table. Ken and Yohji are standing there like they're, uh, standing guard, and Aya's leaning against the wall with his arms crossed as per usual. And Ouka's behind Sayaka looking genuinely concerned. Omi's sitting, because I guess it'd look weird if they were all standing.
"I looked down and his arm was completely covered with hair," says Sayaka. Tell your man to do some manscaping. Get some Nair or something. "I thought he was just being sensitive about it, but he isn't... He's not like that."
And Aya looks at her like he's trying to either read her mind or steal her soul, I can't tell which just yet.
"When did he start acting strange?" asks Aya.
So Sayaka launches into this whole diatribe that boils down to Tetsuya wanting some money so he could buy her a birthday present, so he got a part-time job and he's been weird ever since.
"A part-time job?" questions Aya. Yes, Aya. A job wherein you work part of the time instead of all the time. Kind of like how you being a florist is a part-time job. It's designed to keep you busy. Your full time job is being an assassin. That's your career. That's how you earn your bread. ...And money to buy ugly sweaters.
I DON'T CARE ABOUT PRESENTS, I JUST WANT MY SWEETHEART BACK SOB
So then Ouka asks Omi to go see Tetsuya and see what the hell is going on.
Omi: M-Me?
Well duh. Your name is Omi, isn't it? I mean I know you just had an identity crisis, but you're pretty sure that's your name, right? Also, Ouka doesn't talk to anyone else in the store, so. You're stuck.
Ouka: I can't just let my friend suffer! Do it for me.
creepcreepcreep
Omi: But...
Aya: I'll go.
Omi: Thank you, god.
Aya: I think I know more about life than Omi.
This is p. much truth right here.
Sayaka: Please! SOMEONE GO.
Aya: But don't cry, no matter what happens.
Aya, I know you probably don't mean it, but you really come off as an asshole, and that is why no one likes you, except Sakura.
Sayaka agrees to not sob if Tetsuya dies or something tragic happens, and next thing we know, Ouka's walking her friend home. See? She's not so bad.
"Aya, since when did you become so nosy?"
Aya says nothing. Yohji stares creepily at Aya, and Omi repeats shit we already know: Tetsuya's hairy all over, his canine teeth are really long... Maybe he's just a really hairy vampire? Or a werewolf? I mean I guess it's possible.
"You think her boyfriend's...?"
"The missing link."
dun dun DUN
and now we tune in to Schreient. They're creeping in on someone's...house or something. Oh. Apartment. It's Tetsuya's. Schreient being here spells trouble. Run, Tetsuya! Run!
He's basically exiled himself to the corner of his apartment so he can be all emo and what not. He hears someone approaching and from the silhouette we can tell it's Aya. In mission gear. And he just lets himself in because I guess Tetsuya doesn't feel the need to lock his door or something. Or maybe Sayaka had a key and gave it to him. I'm just trying to cover all of my bases here. Aya tells him to come out, and Tetsuya responds by...lunging at him. Probably because Aya is teh shiny because, well, look. Aya has 58459349534 buckles on his mission outfit. Most of them serve absolutely no purpose except to look cool and badass and why do I have the sneaking suspicion Koyasu designed this himself? IT NEEDS BUCKLES. LOTS OF BUCKLES. AND LEATHER. Considering it's like, his favourite thing to cosplay when he dresses up as Aya? Yeah.
Even Aya's boots have useless buckles. Someone has a buckle fetish.
I mean I guess it's different because at least he's not wearing a suit like everyone else in this series seems to.
They fight and Aya's all WHO DID THIS TO YOU? and off over the balcony they go.
Aya: Can you speak?
Tetsuya: SHUT THE FRONT DOOR I AM A HUMAN OFC I CAN SPEAK.
Aya: I'm sorry, but you can't be changed back.
Wait wait wait. Who said he couldn't be changed back? I've reread the script and nowhere does anyone say he can't be changed back. That's the most likely scenario, but we don't know for sure. Ugh.
Tetsuya: D:
Aya: But we can get them back for this. Tell me who they are.
Tetsuya: SCREW YOU. I AM A HUMAN. I REFUSE TO ACCEPT THE TRUTH.
Aya: SUCK IT UP, THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO.
Tetsuya: NO FUCK YOU LA LA LA NOT LISTENING /runs
Omi: NO /throws darts
Tetsuya: wtf
Omi: YOU'RE OUR ONLY HOPE
Ken: RESISTANCE IS FUTILE.
Tetsuya manages to knock Ken down. Ken, you're slacking. Yohji catches him in a web of piano wire and tells Tetsuya to stay still. Tetsuya topples the tree he's tangled up in. Topples a tree. Wow. Where's Schreient in all of this, anyway? Are they just watching with a look of amusement? Are they playing Go Fish?
Tot: Got any threes, Neu?
Neu: /shakes head
Yohji breaks the wire and Tetsuya attempts to run again, but each of them take hold of the piano wire and keep him still.
"I'm human! Human!" says Tetsuya, and he actually starts crying. You cannot deny what you are. Just accept it. They all feel bad for him and let him go since, well, I don't think he's gonna be going anywhere any time soon, guys.
"If you want to remain human, you've got to help us," says Aya, who I guess is the Voice of Reason sometimes. "We won't let them do this to anyone else."
"You'll tell us who did this to you, right?" asks Omi.
Tetsuya nods. What the fuck else is he going to do, try and run again? Seriously.
SUDDENLY
FOUR NINJA POP OUT OF THE BUSHES oh wait that's just Schreient. I was wondering where they were all this time. I betcha they were trying to change into their equivalent of mission gear. Which is totes unnecessary. What is the point? Schwarz don't do stupid shit like randomly change their clothes. They don't dress normally one minute and then they get the order to whack someone for Takatori and BOOM they're wearing something ridiculous.
GET USED TO THE SCHWARZ FANGIRLING. I TOLD YOU ABOUT IT SEVEN EPISODES AGO.
One is dressed in what looks like some sort of "Queen Bee" outfit and comes at Ken with a whip; we have...some sort of bunny-esque suit for another, and she uses an umbrella to fight with, which reminds me of Princess Peach in Smash Brothers; another is wearing something I swear must have come straight from Gatchaman; and lastly, we have...something that reminds me of something Misao from Rurouni Kenshin would wear.
(Schoen, Tot, Neu, and Hell, in case you couldn't guess.)
Hell throws some sharp things at Aya, who dodges them, and they boomerang back and hit Tetsuya right in the back, probably severing his spinal cord. They resemble scissors, in all honesty. Schoen decides to whip Aya, who I guess has been a bad boy, but I only ask that you whip it good. Aya realises they're not after them, but after Tetsuya. He falls and Schreient run away because I guess they're pretty confident he's finished and that no one will find the evidence. At least Schwarz makes sure everything's clean and nothing points to them.
THEY'RE GONE. HE'S DEAD. WELL FUCK.
Despite your pretty, Aya, there is only room for one red head in this series in my heart, and it ain't you. I like my kittens wicked. Crawford agrees with me.
So anyway, Tetsuya's dying word is "Kourin", and Omi shakes his head in an, "I'm not sure what that means," sort of way.
LATER ON, they find out that Kourin is a pharmaceutical company, and one of the largest in the industry. It's got a huge, uh, complex with lots of labs so they can conduct their weirdo shit in, and their DNA resarch team in headed by the president of the company, who is also a professor of medicine. As we're told this, Weiss are infiltrating the research labs, or at least that's what it looks like.
Shouldn't be too difficult considering this is what the security personnel are doing:
"Got any twos?"
"Go fuck yourself."
This is the president, Creeper Extraordinaire:
also known as Takatori Masafumi. Yes his ears really are pointed like that. That marks him as acreeper Mad Scientist. His favourite combination is a white lab coat with a lilac shirt and a shit brown coloured tie.
Of course Aya's TAKATORI SHINE button is a little, uh, pushed. Now he wants to turn him into a bloodstain on the pavement. And since Masafumi has his own 'bodyguard squad' of sorts, well, Takatori basically told him he's on his own. And sometimes vermin have a way of getting rid of themselves, so you don't need an exterminator to squish them. So Omi's bent over and fucking with, uh, the lighting or something so they can make their Grand Entrance and Aya's, I guess, covering for him or something. Oh, Omi was undoing the surveillance system. Aya basically says GOOD JOB. So now he can slice and dice.
An elevator door opens and Yohji and Ken rush out in a basic, uh, sleuthing formation so all of their bases are covered. Aya and Omi are behind them as cover.
"No one's here," remarks Yohji, as he stares down the eerily empty hallway. "Maybe they already got away."
Ken shoots his arm out in front of them, halting them and possibly almost smacking Yohji in the face.
Footsteps.
They're coming.
who's coming?
Well it's not Schwarz. You'd know if it were Schwarz.
It's Schreient.
Ken finally asks the question probably everyone watching (and nobody reading this, since I've told you guys) is probably asking: "Who are you?"
Hell answers. "Schreient."
Oooh, scary.
I don't know. If I came across Schreient on the street, I don't think I'd run away or anything. I'd possibly think, "Wow, what tacky clothing they're wearing," but aside from that, I'd soon forget about them. Except Tot. Tot's the only one I really remember. Now if I saw Schwarz on the street, I would probably cross over to the other side and run in the opposite direction. Unless Schuldig said something to me. Then all bets are off, because you can't resist a voice that sounds that sexy. I don't think it's possible.
Now if it were dubbed Schuldig, I'd be running and screaming in the opposite direction because my ears, they were assaulted!
Anyway. It's showdown time! Schreient vs. Weiss! Who do you think will win?
We'll have to wait until next time. :D
That's not the last of Takatori Masafumi and hisgaudy sweet dolls. We're just getting started, in fact. Plus a few things are going to get intertwined before Schreient's done. One of them gets involved with a member of Schwarz, another a member of Weiss, and the remaining two fight over Masafumi pretty much.
Yeah.
Get used to seeing Schwarz. Get used to Schreient, too, but Schwarz gets a bigger role towards the end. So. Yeah. You can bet your arse I'm gonna have lots of pics of Schuldig, because he is my favourite. There's gonna be a lot of Crawford too, fornuraya, because he's her favourite. So when our powers combine, you get Crawford/Schuldig awesome.
Overall, this episode is okay. I only like it because hurr Schwarz, but the plot of this one is pretty interesting, and we get to see how much of a bastard Takatori is, to the point where he doesn't care if Crawford disposes of Masafumi if he fucks up again. And Masafumi is his own son no less, so yeah, Takatori is a bastard and by the end I'm sure you'll be happy to see Aya shove his katana up Takatori's arse.
Next Episode:
My thoughts exactly.
Oh, and just before I leave, there's gonna be more of this in episode nine.
See you then!
This entry was originally posted at http://sailorvfan10.dreamwidth.org/176889.html. Comment wherever is most convenient.
Weiss Kreuz Kapitel Episode Master List
Yeah, I was bored, okay?
Weiss Kreuz is the property of Koyasu Takehito, Project Weiss, and other people who are Not Me. I'm not being paid to do these reviews, because if I were, I'd've been fired after the first one. I'm doing this because I can.
You know the drill: spoilers, fangirls, pictures.
Not much to babble about as the credits roll... How was everyone's weekday? I, uh, bought myself a Nook Color and named it "Nagi"... Anything exciting happen? Devils lost to St. Louis in a shootout last night...
Oh look, the credits are done.
So typical stock footage is used. Some guy's getting the crap knocked out of him over a wallet. Then we see some thing with glowing eyes and they try to pick a fight with it. They presumably get pwned and the cops JUST SO HAPPEN to walk by. They are freaked and start shooting, and I am sitting here going WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING? because I am writing this from the perspective of someone who has never seen this episode. Truth is, I've seen this episode more times than I can count. Why? Well, gentle and dearest reader (all two of you), if you continue reading, it will be explained to you.
WITH PICTURES. :D
Raubtier - animal, though apparently according to this one dictionary I use, it can mean "predator".
apparently these animals howl. Like wolves? You be the judge.
We get a shot of some buildings, naturally. It's not Weiss Kreuz unless we see some stock footage of some buildings or sunsets or people not doing anything. Some guy is crying in the corner of his room, and since I spy a Playstation (a rectangular shaped one at that!) and a TV tuned in to white noise, I guess he lost a game of Marvel vs. Capcom or he couldn't figure out a puzzle in Chrono Cross or something and ragequit. Who knows? I certainly don't. He's getting flashbacks of, well, running from these Raubtiere (hurr see what I did there). I guess they were all having a Hulk moment or something? I don't know. I'm here for pretty boys, not complex plots that probably aren't complex at all, and I am just making them complex because that is what I do. His phone is ringing, and then KONEKO TIME.
OMG ALL FOUR OF THEM ARE HERE FJDKFJKDS and god, Omi, you look really derp in this frame. Also I just noticed that that table is strangely shaped. Anyway, strange tables aside, the two girls who decide to come to the Koneko decide to pray for better grades and useless shit and Ken's all, "Don't pray to us, we're not gods!" Kenken, you are totes misinformed. Of course you're gods. Why else would they pray to you? And then Aya goes on with his IF YOU'RE NOT GIVING US MONEY, GTFO speech that probably everyone ignores.
"Is that any way to speak to your customers?" Well, Ouka has a point, you know. Stop being a douche, Aya.
"Oh, it's Princess Ouka again," sighs Ken.
"Do something, handsome," says Yohji to Omi, who is on the phone trying to confirm someone's flower order. Omi is understandably all WTF.
OMI. I WOULD LIKE A BOUQUET OF YOUR MOST FRAGRANT FLOWERS. RIGHT NOW.
WHAT IS 'MOST FRAGRANT'?
Someone tries to stop Ouka, but Ouka replies to Sayaka (the girl who tried to stop Ouka) to not worry about a thing.
IT'S MY TOKEN OF APPRECIATION FOR YOU TO SHOW EVERYONE THAT I MUST SUCK UP TO PEOPLE TO BE MY FRIEND. THAT AND YOU HAVEN'T SEEN YOUR BOYFRIEND IN A WHILE. GIVE HIM FLOWERS.
"Boyfriend, huh?" goes Ken. "Enjoying that relationship?" asks Yohji.
HOW RUDE, says Ouka, in a perfect impersonation of Stephanie Tanner. "Sayaka's boyfriend is a top athlete at an elite university." UNLIKE YOU CHUMPS. I BET YOU SECRETLY FLIP BURGERS. EXCEPT YOU, OMI. HE'S NOT TO BE LUMPED IN WITH YOU FUCKERS.
WELL EXCUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSE ME, PRINCESS OUKA, goes Ken.
I DON'T DATE KIDS, says Yohji.
WELL, OMI, WHAT ABOUT THOSE FLOWERS? YOU'VE BEEN STANDING HERE LIKE AN IDIOT FOR THE PAST FIVE MINUTES TRYING TO THINK OF WHAT 'MOST FRAGRANT' MEANS.
LILIES, says Omi. And he bats Ouka's hand away from him, because I guess he doesn't like her touching him or she spews acid or something.
ACTUALLY, that's a cultural thing. In Japan, you don't touch people. If you accidentally touch someone, what you say translates to "I'm sorry for bothering you with my clumsiness." Yeaaaaah.
So then Omi's all LILIES SMELL NICE AND LOOK COOL TOO and Ouka, of course, is all YAY and wow, Ouka, are you really desperate for attention from someone who won't let you buy them over with your money? Seriously.
(I actually like Ouka, even though right now it seems like I don't.)
YOU'RE AWESOME.
WELL I AM A FLORIST, YOU KNOW.
Suddenly, Aya, Ken, Yohji, and Omi leave, which means Persia Has A Mission. Shit's about to get real.
BUT WHAT ABOUT MY FLOWERS?
Momoe steps in. LILIES ARE AWESOME.
Momoe is fucking badass, okay? Okay.
WEISS YOU HAS A MISSION, says Persia. SEE THIS GUY? HE HAD A BAD HAIR DAY AND WENT APESHIT. HE KILLED TWO MEN AND WAS SHOT BY THE POLICE. WHY? IDK. BUT APPARENTLY HE IS NOT, IN FACT, THE HULK, BUT SOME GUY WHOSE DNA HAD BEEN ALTERED AND HE BECAME THE HULK ON STEROIDS. GO STOP THE PEOPLE BEHIND THIS SHIT. NOW. click
Everyone is all WHAT?
"Here's a book of data and shit," says Manx.
WAIT WAIT WAIT, says Ken. WHAT THE FUCK? WHERE'S THE REST OF OUR ORDERS? PERSIA DID NOT GIVE US THE FRIES TO OUR NUMBER FIVE COMBO WITH EXTRA CHEESE AND RANCH DIP!
YEAH, says Yohji. HOW CAN WE DO ANYTHING WITH SO LITTLE INFORMATION?
WHO ARE WE WHACKING? asks Omi.
WHAT, YOU EXPECT KRITIKER TO HOLD YOUR HAND THROUGHOUT ALL THE MISSIONS? GET REAL, retorts Manx. SHOW ME THAT YOU'RE NOT JUST PRETTY BOYS.
WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY? asks Ken. Aya puts a stop to this bullshit, grabs the file, and looks through it.
WHAT THE FUCK, goes Aya. THIS IS ALL WE GET EVEN WITH YOU PEOPLE? ALL THESE BLANK PAGES AND TWO LINES OF TEXT?
IN CASE YOU WANTED TO KNOW, NO, WE'RE NOT WITHHOLDING INFO FROM YOU. THAT WOULD DO NO ONE ANY GOOD ANYWAY.
Aya is miffed, but what can he do?
WELL I'M IN, says Aya.
"So, how about you guys?"
They all eventually agree.
THE NEXT DAY, there is this kid who looks a little shady who's watching the news. The kid who got shot for Going Hulk is named Matsuo Tadashi. Shady Kid is having flashbacks of some chick with glasses doing that Evil Lens Flare Thing telling him they appreciate him participating in a study about pharmaceuticals. How the hell is this traumatising?
Well judging by her Evil Lens Flare, I would say she's fucking evil and up to no good and this guy is probably going to have a bad hair day and turn into Godzilla or some shit.
SUDDENLY, FLOWERS. "It's for you!" indeed.
FDJFDSJFKDS FLOWERS WHAT IS THIS
"My friend said I should take these to you, since I haven't seen you in so long."
Oh. Oh okay. Thanks for shoving them in my face.
"How's your arubaito?"
"UH. IDK. MY BFF JILL?"
"ARE YOU OKAY YOU DON'T LOOK SO HAPPY."
"IT'S NOTHING, THANKS FOR THE FLOWERS."
"DON'T GO THAT WAY, YOU NEED TO DO AS I SAY BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN BLOWING ME OFF THE PAST TWO WEEKS."
and in case no one knows what an arubaito is, it's a part-time job. I have an arubaito. The origins of this word are actually really interesting. It comes from the German word for "work", which is "arbeit". Chyeah. Interesting in that it shows up in a series with Gratuitous German all over the damn place.
"Arubaito" is not the worst German to Japanese pronunciation in the world, either. You want suck? Try to figure out what the hell "shurudihhi" is supposed to be. And if you can't pronounce it right, no worries. Okiayu fudges it every time he says it. Which is quite a bit.
AND NOW WE'RE AT PERSIA'S OFFICE.
"How are they doing?" he asks Manx.
THEY ARE STILL WTFING OVER THE MISSION.
WELL I DON'T BLAME THEM.
"Are you still unsure?" Unsure about what? I don't know.
"No... I made up my mind when I formed Weiss."
"Then why?" CAN SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT IS GOING ON?
"My decision should be final, but..."
And then we see a picture of Takatori and his son Masafumi appear on Persia's computer screen.
"That's what is sad about humans."
did i miss something
halp
More pictures of Takatori Masafumi. Do you have a mancrush or something, Persia? ALSO WTF ARE YOU WEARING, MASAFUMI? A CREAM SUIT JACKET WITH A BUBBLEGUM PINK VEST, LILAC SHIRT, AND DARK BLUE TIE? DID YOU FIND THAT IN CRAWFORD'S CLOSET SOMEWHERE? NOT EVEN HE'D BE CAUGHT DEAD WEARING PINK OF ALL COLOURS. ARGH.
I just. idk.
NOW TO SOME ICE CREAM SHOP, where there is parfait and stuff.
"What's wrong, Tetsuya?" and why did I want to type "Tatsuya"? I'm not reviewing Utena's Onion Prince episode, fingers. I mean really.
HUH WHAT
"You haven't touched your--" I BEG PARDON--
"parfait."
Oh. Oh. Whoops.
I really need to let people finish their sentences.
"SORRY. THIS PARFAIT IS AWESOME."
Sayaka continues with her drink and Tetsuya...still isn't eating his parfait. And why is your hat brim covering your eyes all the time? That's some shady shit there, mister.
I WAS THINKING OF EATING IT I SWEAR.
:D LOL UR CUTE
"Sayaka... Do I seem different to you?"
WELL YOU DO LOOK A LITTLE SHADY--
"Huh?"
"L-Like, am I hairier or are my teeth longer?"
WHY ARE YOU ASKING THESE QUESTIONS?
I THINK I'M BECOMING JACOB BLACK.
well it's better than becoming Edward Cullen, I guess. I mean at least Taylor Lautner is cute and good looking with his shirt off.
"Um. Not really. Are you into beauty care or something?" ARE YOU BECOMING TEEN WOLF?
"N-No. It wasn't like that."
CUE FLASHBACK. Some guy's being wheeled on a stretcher. He's, uh, dead. He's got a sheet over him, so yeah. Tetsuya freaks. Especially since the guy looks like King Kong's tiny brother.
BACK TO WEISS. Wait. What's this?
Is that... Is that Windows 98? 97? 95?
I have fond memories of 95 since it was the first time I didn't have to use DOS. Yes, I remember DOS. I also remember five and a half inch floppy discs that, well, were floppy. I'm a dinosaur. So's that computer. Wow. Look, kids, that's what computers before Windows XP looked like! Amazing!
So yeah, as the picture above says, Omi's hacked into the police's database and got part of the DNA analysis from the incident. Some genetic code's been switched with a mountain gorilla's, although the segment Omi has has komodo dragon DNA in it. I shit you not. Is this even possible?
Clearly Bullshit Science is at work, here.
Ken wants to know how this is even possible, as does probably everyone in the audience. I know I sure as hell want to know.
"I don't know," says Omi. WELL. THANKS A LOT. He then tells us that it's possible to switch part of the genetic code within a strand of DNA, like what we can do with viruses. So replacing a segment of human DNA with DNA from a different species can be done, but the real question is HOW THE FUCK DO YOU STABLISE THIS SHIT? It's basically the work of a genius.
A genius who is a mad scientist, whose father is involved with centuries old old people with are involved with some Very Shady Shit and maybe I should make a relationships chart or something so everyone at home can keep this shit straight.
Omi goes on to say that this type of information is tightly guarded, and in Japan, there are hundreds of facilities researching DNA and what happens when you fuck around with it for fun. IT'S GONNA BE HARD TO FIND SUSPICIOUS FACILTIES.
WELL HAVE FUN, BYE OMI, says pretty much everyone except Aya.
Omi whines about how this is all Persia's fault since they have no information.
Aya, in the dub, tells Omi to "quit your bitching", and Omi replies, "Yes sir." ffff. In the original, which is what I'm watching right now, Aya tells Omi to "save that [your whining] until we find out target." Omi's answer is still, "Yes, sir," which is basically him saying, "Hai."
I don't think the dub realises how out of character it is for Aya to say "quit your bitching"...
BACK TO THE HAPPY COUPLE. Sayaka is at a UFO doll crane machine, wherein she gets a teddy bear. She's all LOOK, TETSUYA :D but then when she sees how distracted her boyfriend is, she questions whether she's boring him or if he doesn't love her anymore. I STILL LOVE YOU, YOU'RE NOT BORING ME AT ALL.
"But you haven't smiled at all..."
"If something happened to me, what would you do?"
"What?"
"What if I was no longer human..." BUT INSTEAD I ENDED UP AS A WEREWOLF?
WHAT
IT'S A VALID QUESTION
where the fuck is Schwarz this shit is driving me crazy
"Why do you keep asking questions like that? You don't like me anymore?"
wait. what does him asking WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF I DIED TOMORROW? have to do with him not liking you? wtf. Talk about jumping to conclusions...
"OF COURSE I LIKE YOU OHMAHGAWD."
Tetsuya has what appears to be a heart attack, which means our climax is coming soon. Which means I am one step closer to my boys.
"Did something happen at work?"
"N-no!"
"But--"
"IT'S NOTHING."
wow. what an asshole.
Some guy asks Sayaka if the bear she got is hers since she, uh, left it in the machine. She takes it. He's all WE SHOULD GO OUT TO COFFEE. She's all UHH. Tetsuya decides to turn into the Hulk sorta. He crushes the flowers Ouka got for Sayaka to give to him, and starts staggering like someone who's been at a bar during St. Patrick's Day the whole day. Guy goes through a coffee shop window across the street. I guess that's what he does when he's pissed off, like how Nagi levels buildings when you piss him off.
Oh right, you guys haven't been introduced yet. /sigh
My boys are coming, I promise.
Sayaka says it's okay, everything's fine, she's fine, see? SUDDENLY, HAIRY PALMS. He runs off, because I guess him turning into a werewolf in public is embarrassing or something. He starts having more flashbacks, of him strapped to a stretcher and being wheeled into...a room of sorts. I'M NOT A MONSTER, I'M A HUMAAAAAN. And then a dramatic pan out.
KEN EYECATCHER which means we're half-way through this episode WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY BOYS I DEMAND TO SEE THEM.
...
SHIT BROWN AND LILAC AGAIN, MASAFUMI? NO WONDER YOUR FATHER HATES YOU.
Ahem. We start this scene off with Masafumi standing before his father, his
SPEAKING OF HIS BODYGUARDS.
wow, Crawford, you look kind of derp, and Nagi looks like a ten year old Ash Ketchum a little bit. ANYWAY.
From left to right we have Brad Crawford, who you became acquainted with in episode two; Nagi Naoe, who you shouldn't underestimate ever because he will throw a building at you; Schuldig, who is my favourite out of all of them and no his hair is not orange, thank you; and Farfarello, who is probably the strangest of the bunch. Guess which one Midorikawa Hikaru voices.
WHAT WERE YOU DOING? WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO IF THIS GETS OUT? rages Takatori, drowning out my squeals for Schuldig.
FEAR NOT, FATHER. THEY CAN'T TALK ONCE THEY'RE FULLY MUTATED.
but what if they tell someone before that happens? betcha didn't think about that.
Tot giggles, because people mutating is HIGHlarious. Just ask Farfarello. Oh no wait, that's mutilating. Well same shit.
IF ANY OF THIS SHOULD COME BACK ON ME, I WILL HAVE YOUR HEAD ON A SILVER PLATTER, continues Takatori.
There's a shot of Schreient, and then there's this:
Well at least Crawford's wearing his usual ensemble today, it seems. And he looks less derp in this shot. ...Nagi looks like a girl, though. WHO THE HELL DREW THIS STUFF? Also I could totes Photoshop Crawford and Schuldig next to each other and it would look awesome--
okay anyway.
I'LL BE CAREFUL, FATHER. I PROMISE.
also
Schuldig is totes looking at Crawford. Go ahead, follow his gaze. Nagi's looking at Takator, Crawford is looking at Takatori, Farfarello is staring in Nagi's direction, and Schuldig is gazing to his right, where Crawford is.
Bet you anything he's thinking dirty thoughts to him. :D Once Takatori is done with us for the day, how about we go somewhere...private?
Maybe.
OMG DID YOU GUYS FORGET ABOUT THE TEAM LINK?
JFDKSFJDSK NAGI GTFO OUT OF HERE.
You brought this on yourself, Schuldig.
in case you didn't know, I love Schwarz.
SO UM ANYWAY. Crawford asks Takatori if he wants Masafumi to get away with all the crap he's pulled, and Takatori responds that this is Masafumi's last chance. If he fucks up again, Crawford can take care of him. Crawford obliges. They get to the elevator.
GET USED TO IT. If Schuldig is in the picture, I'm taking it. And look, I even took the subtitles off.
Goddammit Schuldig. Hnnnnng.
(Funny story: on Crawford, Schuldig's hair looks more orange-y. On Sain's monitor, his hair looks more red.)
SO UM ANYWAY, Nagi says, over the telepathic link, that Masafumi is interesting. Schuldig asks, "How so?"
"He thinks like we do. He formed the ladies' group because he aspires to be like us, right?"
"That's his first mistake." God, Schuldig, you're so smirky. You smug bastard. ...And Nagi just looks like an uke WHAT THE HELL WERE THEY THINKING and I love how oblivious Takatori is to all of this.
Farfarello decides to make an appearance, just long enough to say, "Schreient, his gaudy dolls..."
OKAY SO. GEEK TIME. Though "Schreient" does mean "screaming", if it's used as an adjective, it can mean "loud", or "garish" or "gaudy". Basically like how I could describe Schuldig's hair as "loud" and say something like Sein Haar ist so schreiend. ...yeah. IT MAKES SENSE, OKAY.
ANYWAY.
Masafumi is looking out the many windows in his office--I guess it's his office--with his
"The power hungry maggot... He can't even begin to understand my superior plans."
"You shouldn't speak of your father like that," says Hell.
"WHO GIVES A FUCK? WHEN I RULE THE WORLD, HE WILL BE THE FIRST TO DIE." And when your father rules the world, guess who'll be the first sacrifice :D?
"But he'll call off the experiment if we don't do anything."
what is this experiment everyone keeps talking about
seriously
is it important?
does anyone care?
Tot says, from her place on the floor, "Papa, are you in trouble?" Yes, Tot. He is. He's in deep shit with his father, who just told his bodyguards to kill him if he fucks up again. Talk about tough love. "Papa" doesn't answer, and Schoen says they'll take care of the other guy who escaped. And Tot says she wants to go too, and jumps on Masafumi and kisses him, saying, "No one gives Papa a hard time!" I'm half-expecting her to add in a "but me!" part.
Just to let you guys know in advance, there will be Tot spam at some point.
Neu just nods. She's too cool to talk, I guess. THEN IT'S GROUP HUG TIME.
"Oh, Schreient... My sweet dolls."
creepercreepercreeper
reet reet reet
SCENE CHANGE TO BUILDINGS AND A NIGHT SKY
Now we're in an apartment with a broken sliding door, a ripped shirt over a table, some shit knocked over, and someone's answering machine picking up a call. HAI IT'S ASADA. I R NOT TEH HOME RITE NAO, BUT I CAN CALL J00 BACK WHENEVAR. KTHNXBAI.
"Tetsuya! It's your girlfriend! Pick up the phone! I'm not mad! Call me back, okay?"
Meanwhile Tetsuya is sitting in his shower, letting the water hit him, as a razor falls from his hand and we see his attempts at shaving all the hair away. All it accomplished was clogging his shower drain. Ouch.
BACK TO THE KONEKO.
Ken is, as usual, moving shit around. "Oh he's not here," says a girl. "He's so pretty!" says another.
"We're in the middle of a mission but it's too peaceful, don't you think?" asks Ken.
"So what?" says Yohji, who looks like he's afraid of the floral arrangement he's in the process of handling. "There's nothing we can do."
"This one too," says Aya, who shoves another bouquet into Yohji's arms. "And don't talk about the mission here. The Fangirls might be listening."
"Okay, okay."
Omi crawls out of the dungeon that is their basement with a yawn and a tired look on his face.
"So did you find anything?" asks Ken, who doesn't even ask if Omi's, you know, dying on his feet or anything.
"No."
Ken relays this to Yohji and Aya, and Yohji says, "Maybe we should have passed on this one."
So Aya walks...presumably towards Ken and Omi when Ouka comes bursting through the doors because, well, she's Princess Ouka, and needs everyone to look at her ~grand entrance~.
At least she always says "good morning" or something.
"Oh boy," says Yohji.
OMI WHAT THE HELL:
I am going to let the guilty look on Omi's face and where his hand is positioned speak for itself.
I think Ouka is right to look a little worried.
"I've come to ask a man's opinion on something today, Omi."
Because clearly Omi's had all the experience in the world.
Omi's even surprised! "M-Man's opinion?"
"What's the matter, Miss Ouka?" asks Ken, who probably has slightly more experience than Omi. Maybe. I don't know. If it concerns love, I'd go to Yohji myself, because Omi and Ken are both clueless.
So Ouka tells us about Sayaka's boyfriend, how he's been acting really weird as of late. He won't answer her calls or go out and see her, it's like she's got the Plague! Or maybe he does. Maybe he's got an embarrassing haircut or something. Maybe all he has in his closet that fits are lilac shirts and shit brown coloured ties with cream suits. I wouldn't leave the house either if that were my wardrobe.
"Hairy?" asks Yohji, who probably shuddered inwardly.
"And right in front of Sayaka's eyes, he--"
"Miss Ouka!" Omi interrupts. "I'd like to talk to her about him."
So Omi needing to talk to one girl results in the Koneko closing, leaving a sign on their door reading "closed for business, come again~"
Which makes their fans sadface.
So Ouka presumably called Sayaka up and said COME TO THE KONEKO, or maybe she went and got her herself, or made Omi do it, or something, but in any case, Sayaka's at the Koneko sitting at their table. Ken and Yohji are standing there like they're, uh, standing guard, and Aya's leaning against the wall with his arms crossed as per usual. And Ouka's behind Sayaka looking genuinely concerned. Omi's sitting, because I guess it'd look weird if they were all standing.
"I looked down and his arm was completely covered with hair," says Sayaka. Tell your man to do some manscaping. Get some Nair or something. "I thought he was just being sensitive about it, but he isn't... He's not like that."
And Aya looks at her like he's trying to either read her mind or steal her soul, I can't tell which just yet.
"When did he start acting strange?" asks Aya.
So Sayaka launches into this whole diatribe that boils down to Tetsuya wanting some money so he could buy her a birthday present, so he got a part-time job and he's been weird ever since.
"A part-time job?" questions Aya. Yes, Aya. A job wherein you work part of the time instead of all the time. Kind of like how you being a florist is a part-time job. It's designed to keep you busy. Your full time job is being an assassin. That's your career. That's how you earn your bread. ...And money to buy ugly sweaters.
I DON'T CARE ABOUT PRESENTS, I JUST WANT MY SWEETHEART BACK SOB
So then Ouka asks Omi to go see Tetsuya and see what the hell is going on.
Omi: M-Me?
Well duh. Your name is Omi, isn't it? I mean I know you just had an identity crisis, but you're pretty sure that's your name, right? Also, Ouka doesn't talk to anyone else in the store, so. You're stuck.
Ouka: I can't just let my friend suffer! Do it for me.
creepcreepcreep
Omi: But...
Aya: I'll go.
Omi: Thank you, god.
Aya: I think I know more about life than Omi.
This is p. much truth right here.
Sayaka: Please! SOMEONE GO.
Aya: But don't cry, no matter what happens.
Aya, I know you probably don't mean it, but you really come off as an asshole, and that is why no one likes you, except Sakura.
Sayaka agrees to not sob if Tetsuya dies or something tragic happens, and next thing we know, Ouka's walking her friend home. See? She's not so bad.
"Aya, since when did you become so nosy?"
Aya says nothing. Yohji stares creepily at Aya, and Omi repeats shit we already know: Tetsuya's hairy all over, his canine teeth are really long... Maybe he's just a really hairy vampire? Or a werewolf? I mean I guess it's possible.
"You think her boyfriend's...?"
"The missing link."
dun dun DUN
and now we tune in to Schreient. They're creeping in on someone's...house or something. Oh. Apartment. It's Tetsuya's. Schreient being here spells trouble. Run, Tetsuya! Run!
He's basically exiled himself to the corner of his apartment so he can be all emo and what not. He hears someone approaching and from the silhouette we can tell it's Aya. In mission gear. And he just lets himself in because I guess Tetsuya doesn't feel the need to lock his door or something. Or maybe Sayaka had a key and gave it to him. I'm just trying to cover all of my bases here. Aya tells him to come out, and Tetsuya responds by...lunging at him. Probably because Aya is teh shiny because, well, look. Aya has 58459349534 buckles on his mission outfit. Most of them serve absolutely no purpose except to look cool and badass and why do I have the sneaking suspicion Koyasu designed this himself? IT NEEDS BUCKLES. LOTS OF BUCKLES. AND LEATHER. Considering it's like, his favourite thing to cosplay when he dresses up as Aya? Yeah.
They fight and Aya's all WHO DID THIS TO YOU? and off over the balcony they go.
Aya: Can you speak?
Tetsuya: SHUT THE FRONT DOOR I AM A HUMAN OFC I CAN SPEAK.
Aya: I'm sorry, but you can't be changed back.
Wait wait wait. Who said he couldn't be changed back? I've reread the script and nowhere does anyone say he can't be changed back. That's the most likely scenario, but we don't know for sure. Ugh.
Tetsuya: D:
Aya: But we can get them back for this. Tell me who they are.
Tetsuya: SCREW YOU. I AM A HUMAN. I REFUSE TO ACCEPT THE TRUTH.
Aya: SUCK IT UP, THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO.
Tetsuya: NO FUCK YOU LA LA LA NOT LISTENING /runs
Omi: NO /throws darts
Tetsuya: wtf
Omi: YOU'RE OUR ONLY HOPE
Ken: RESISTANCE IS FUTILE.
Tetsuya manages to knock Ken down. Ken, you're slacking. Yohji catches him in a web of piano wire and tells Tetsuya to stay still. Tetsuya topples the tree he's tangled up in. Topples a tree. Wow. Where's Schreient in all of this, anyway? Are they just watching with a look of amusement? Are they playing Go Fish?
Tot: Got any threes, Neu?
Neu: /shakes head
Yohji breaks the wire and Tetsuya attempts to run again, but each of them take hold of the piano wire and keep him still.
"I'm human! Human!" says Tetsuya, and he actually starts crying. You cannot deny what you are. Just accept it. They all feel bad for him and let him go since, well, I don't think he's gonna be going anywhere any time soon, guys.
"If you want to remain human, you've got to help us," says Aya, who I guess is the Voice of Reason sometimes. "We won't let them do this to anyone else."
"You'll tell us who did this to you, right?" asks Omi.
Tetsuya nods. What the fuck else is he going to do, try and run again? Seriously.
SUDDENLY
FOUR NINJA POP OUT OF THE BUSHES oh wait that's just Schreient. I was wondering where they were all this time. I betcha they were trying to change into their equivalent of mission gear. Which is totes unnecessary. What is the point? Schwarz don't do stupid shit like randomly change their clothes. They don't dress normally one minute and then they get the order to whack someone for Takatori and BOOM they're wearing something ridiculous.
GET USED TO THE SCHWARZ FANGIRLING. I TOLD YOU ABOUT IT SEVEN EPISODES AGO.
One is dressed in what looks like some sort of "Queen Bee" outfit and comes at Ken with a whip; we have...some sort of bunny-esque suit for another, and she uses an umbrella to fight with, which reminds me of Princess Peach in Smash Brothers; another is wearing something I swear must have come straight from Gatchaman; and lastly, we have...something that reminds me of something Misao from Rurouni Kenshin would wear.
(Schoen, Tot, Neu, and Hell, in case you couldn't guess.)
Hell throws some sharp things at Aya, who dodges them, and they boomerang back and hit Tetsuya right in the back, probably severing his spinal cord. They resemble scissors, in all honesty. Schoen decides to whip Aya, who I guess has been a bad boy, but I only ask that you whip it good. Aya realises they're not after them, but after Tetsuya. He falls and Schreient run away because I guess they're pretty confident he's finished and that no one will find the evidence. At least Schwarz makes sure everything's clean and nothing points to them.
THEY'RE GONE. HE'S DEAD. WELL FUCK.
Despite your pretty, Aya, there is only room for one red head in this series in my heart, and it ain't you. I like my kittens wicked. Crawford agrees with me.
So anyway, Tetsuya's dying word is "Kourin", and Omi shakes his head in an, "I'm not sure what that means," sort of way.
LATER ON, they find out that Kourin is a pharmaceutical company, and one of the largest in the industry. It's got a huge, uh, complex with lots of labs so they can conduct their weirdo shit in, and their DNA resarch team in headed by the president of the company, who is also a professor of medicine. As we're told this, Weiss are infiltrating the research labs, or at least that's what it looks like.
Shouldn't be too difficult considering this is what the security personnel are doing:
"Got any twos?"
"Go fuck yourself."
This is the president, Creeper Extraordinaire:
also known as Takatori Masafumi. Yes his ears really are pointed like that. That marks him as a
Of course Aya's TAKATORI SHINE button is a little, uh, pushed. Now he wants to turn him into a bloodstain on the pavement. And since Masafumi has his own 'bodyguard squad' of sorts, well, Takatori basically told him he's on his own. And sometimes vermin have a way of getting rid of themselves, so you don't need an exterminator to squish them. So Omi's bent over and fucking with, uh, the lighting or something so they can make their Grand Entrance and Aya's, I guess, covering for him or something. Oh, Omi was undoing the surveillance system. Aya basically says GOOD JOB. So now he can slice and dice.
An elevator door opens and Yohji and Ken rush out in a basic, uh, sleuthing formation so all of their bases are covered. Aya and Omi are behind them as cover.
"No one's here," remarks Yohji, as he stares down the eerily empty hallway. "Maybe they already got away."
Ken shoots his arm out in front of them, halting them and possibly almost smacking Yohji in the face.
Footsteps.
They're coming.
who's coming?
Well it's not Schwarz. You'd know if it were Schwarz.
It's Schreient.
Ken finally asks the question probably everyone watching (and nobody reading this, since I've told you guys) is probably asking: "Who are you?"
Hell answers. "Schreient."
Oooh, scary.
I don't know. If I came across Schreient on the street, I don't think I'd run away or anything. I'd possibly think, "Wow, what tacky clothing they're wearing," but aside from that, I'd soon forget about them. Except Tot. Tot's the only one I really remember. Now if I saw Schwarz on the street, I would probably cross over to the other side and run in the opposite direction. Unless Schuldig said something to me. Then all bets are off, because you can't resist a voice that sounds that sexy. I don't think it's possible.
Now if it were dubbed Schuldig, I'd be running and screaming in the opposite direction because my ears, they were assaulted!
Anyway. It's showdown time! Schreient vs. Weiss! Who do you think will win?
We'll have to wait until next time. :D
That's not the last of Takatori Masafumi and his
Yeah.
Get used to seeing Schwarz. Get used to Schreient, too, but Schwarz gets a bigger role towards the end. So. Yeah. You can bet your arse I'm gonna have lots of pics of Schuldig, because he is my favourite. There's gonna be a lot of Crawford too, for
nuraya, because he's her favourite. Next Episode:
My thoughts exactly.
Oh, and just before I leave, there's gonna be more of this in episode nine.
See you then!
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