yet another post from crawford!

[omaewokorosu]

now that he's got a non-sucky version of Winamp, Semagic, and Trillian installed so that, uh, I have stuff other than Firefox to play with when Crawford has internets. (Holy run-ons, Batman!)

Before I get into an anime review of sorts, I have fic to announce:

For We Are the Beautiful Thieves [20. Fatherly Misery]
Schuldig went back to his magazine. "It's not like you really ever gave a shit about me anyway. Or what I thought." He turned the page, keeping everything casual. "Go ahead. Leave me here by myself. See if I care."

Crawford pulled the magazine away from Schuldig's face and looked into his eyes. "You know better than to think I think that." You should know I don't think like that.

"I just figured that you'd want to live a normal life by yourself, maybe get married, have a kid or two, and pretend that the last twenty seven years of your life was a lie or a dream or something. Then you'd forget I ever existed and…" He shrugged again. "I don't care."

FFN // Dearest Disclaimer

Now. Since my laptop screen and everything is 58948594854 times better than Sain's is, I watch my anime on it via Ada's awesomeness as a USB file holder. I connected to the internet and Nat and I watched Zetsuai ~BRONZE~ together.

Contains some spoilers, though you won't ever probably watch this, but in the off chance you will, etc. etc.

Plot: ** (wangst and over the top melodramatics does not count as a plot)
Realism: *
Characters: * (Kouji: rock star; Izumi: soccer player. that's it. Where are the personalities?)
Visual: *** (minus two stars for spider figures)
Voice acting: ***** (why yes I am a biased fangirl why do you ask)
Overall: ** 1/2

In short: Take the angst from Weiss Kreuz. Multiply that by like a thousand. Then throw in some crying, exaggerated body proportions, plot contrivance after plot contrivance, and you have the sequel to Zetsuai ~ 1989.

It's even worse than the first one (titled Zetsuai ~1989~), where you have character who I'm going to call Sephiroth ('cause that's what he looks like) crying practically once every five minutes, where you have character who I'm going to call Heero Hidaka ('cause he looks like Heero and plays soccer like Ken) who goes between being angry at Sephiroth for loving him and crying because ZOMG I LOVE YOU TOO HONEY.

Let me remind you that Heero Hidaka here is voiced by Koyasu fucking Takehito. I dare you to picture a character of his crying. Over someone. Or something. Go on. I'll wait.

...You done? Yeah, it's hard, isn't it? Mr. Takehito "I'm fucking badass" Koyasu is voicing the uke. I think. I dunno, everyone cries in this series, the seme, the uke, the uke's sister who doesn't look like Miaka anymore, random guy #843... Also, the return of spidery limbs. I really fucking hate this art style. You have seventeen year old Sephiroth (whose real name is Kouji) who looks like he's seventeen going on twenty nine due to the character designs... Sephiroth kinda reminds me of Zechs a little. I think it's the hair. Or the styling. idk. All I know is that this guy's seme card should be revoked because he cries. And angsts. And angst. And angst. I think the first ten minutes of the movie is nothing but Kouji fucking angsting about how he loves Heero Hidaka or some shit and fjdksfjd. I think Nat went to go get popcorn in the middle of it and told me to come get her when it was done.

So Heero Hidaka's going to Italy for like a week to see 'real soccer'. I guess Japan only has the fake, bootlegged kind or something. Sephiroth sobs over this, jumps on his motorbike, and heads out after him, as if he can catch him in time or something. He speeds along at 150kph which I don't know how fast that is in the non-metric system, a car switches lanes, and you see where this is going, right? CRASH AND BURN, seme is thrown, and he lands in a puddle of ketchup blood. Seme ends up in the hospital, in a coma, because it's dramatic.

SO HEERO HIDAKA COMES HOME and his sister calls him a jerk. Buwa? What did you want him to do, Serika (that's her name)? Do you expect him to have some sort of sixth sense a la Miaka and Tamahome from Fushigi Yuugi? Because he doesn't. So they go to the hospital, cue the "OH NOES!" and the "Oh, well, he might not ever wake up and he might become a vegetable! I hope he becomes a carrot," type melodrama that I'm sure Amelia would find intriguing, and Izumi (that's Koyasu's character) becomes angry. "OH HOW DARE YOU GO INTO A COMA. THIS IS THE SECOND CHARACTER I'VE VOICED WHO HAS A LOVED ONE IN A COMA." Fucking seriously, man. AND THEN THE SCAR ON HIS HIP ACTS UP. Yeah, I don't know either. This anime makes no sense. Do I have to keep watching?

Then a bunch of shit happens. Kouji's brother (who looks like Gluhen!Crawford minus monocle) gets punched in the face by Izumi because he mistakes him for Kouji. Who is still in that coma. Because that makes sense. Then he locks the door to the hospital room and rips open his shirt, asserting the seme qualities that he, as a character, doesn't possess. Although I'd rather have Izumi be the seme because, you know, he's not crying every five seconds. But he can't rape him or whatever the hell he planned on doing, because you know, ukes can't rape their semes. He goes on about how good it felt for Sephiroth to touch him. Cue barf bags.

Then more stuff happens. Izumi decides to go to Italy to learn soccer of the non-bootlegged variety, feeling that he shouldn't let some comatose lover hold him down. (Maybe Izumi should give a Mr. Ran Fujimiya some tips on letting go of comatose loved ones.) As soon as he decides to be independent of his seme, Kouji wakes up, but we have yet another piece of wangst on top of the Wangst Cake. Kouji, for those of you who haven't watched the series, is a singer. He awakes from his coma but GASP he can't talk! He can't talk because he's psychologically damaged and feels that someone (read: him) doesn't want to hear his voice anymore.

Yeah, count me in there too. You're not Koyasu, that's for damn sure.

And blah, blah, blah. Izumi wangsts. Everyone wangsts. But he keeps playing soccer because DON'T GIVE UP YOUR DREAMS and all that crap. Kouji's father dies and he inherits his kendo school and this sounds very episode one of Rurouni Kenshin, doesn't it. No one believes he can do this and he shows off his unknown-till-now swordsman skillz. He's no Aya Fujimiya, but I guess he's okay. But he really doesn't want it, but he does. But he doesn't. But he does, because Izumi doesn't want him, but Izumi really does.

Yeah.

Izumi gets kidnapped with an ether rag a la Snake's Brawl grab and Kouji overhears some conversation, so he COMES TO THE RESCUE OF HIS UKE because don't cha know that's what all good semes do? Even ones in shitty BL series where the seme is voiced by Persia and the uke is voiced by fucking Jun Fukuyama? Kouji's brother who looks like Crawford with silver hair basically says, "Take over the dojo or else you don't love Izumi." Or some shit like that. So he takes it, even though he loves Izumi, and Izumi has a shit fit over it.

so then Kouji and Izumi leave, Kouji releases his last album, and they pretty much live happily ever fucking after. Meanwhile, Nat's wondering what the hell she spent the last, uh, hour or so watching, and I'm wondering how much they paid Koyasu to star in this piece of shit. (And then I remember he was in at least two more other shitty BL series plus one shitty anime series period and know they must pay him a freaking lot.)

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to friggin watch something good. Like Slayers Excellent. Then after that I have Papa to KISS IN THE DARK, which Nat's looking forward to, but I am not. More shitty BL, this one has not only Koyasu, but Miki Shinichirou and Midorikawa Hikaru.

oh dear lord.