![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
That Fucking Woman Day Eve...
Mar. 1st, 2025 04:23 pmToday is our shopping day and as we were going over last minute additions and whatever else we may need (more kitten food, more tendies, more soda, etc), I added to the list "something nice for Sunday" (for dinner and dessert).
What's so special about tomorrow? It's 2 March!
Whenever I needed help from the day I was born I would say up until that moment, March 2nd. That I asked for help and I didn’t get it.
I remember that fateful day. March 2nd. She announced that she wasn’t gonna do it. And that I’d have to get a taxi or an uber or something.
Well then on March 2nd I had that incident and they came down and all and she said, you know, that she wasn’t gonna do it, that I would have to take an Uber or a taxi or something.
And then SHE had to come into the picture. Which it was fine until like I said, March 2nd and then shit hit the fan and that was it.
And it’s a shame, once Serena came into the picture—I mean it was good until, you know, it wasn’t. March 2nd is when it all went south. It all. went. south. Now. All because she didn’t do the right thing. She offered—n-no she didn’t offer, I had asked her, ‘cause <Name> said [they] couldn’t do it because [they have] this “chronic fatigue” crap.
It's the day we had enough and decided to start preparing for our escape from our toxic situation. It was the day that a last ditch manipulative suicide attempt ended with us agreeing we needed to plan getting out. Not just for the sake of us but also for the sake of our marriage.
It took almost 8 months for us to find a new place we could call our safe harbour and another month for us to start living there whilst grappling with grief not just over this but also losing our sweet Sadie.
It was a very long, very frustrating, very maddening ride filled with tears of frustration and anger and grief. But we made it through to the other side. There are still some challenges of course because that's basically life. There will always be obstacles both big and small. My marriage has never been better.
I didn't decide to go no contact on a whim. I initially didn't want to even cut contact when the time came but the situation left me no choice. In going through old journal entries I'd rediscovered that I'd been trying to get away since I was 18 but was never able to, and had plans to go no contact once I was because of how badly I was taken advantage of and manipulated. This was something I'd sat on for 14 years.
Going no contact with a parent hurts more than people realize. It isn't an easy thing. It's actually the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I already have a parent who is deceased and now I have to do this. Children are wired to love their parents unconditionally and that guilt eats away and it eats away more at me because I was conditioned to always feel bad for not meeting someone else's needs.
Parents are supposed to unconditionally love their kids in return and I don't think in this situation that is the case. Why would you treat your kids this way if you did? The aim was always to be cruel, to say things that were nasty and manipulative. No one who loves their children would ever be purposely cruel to them.
And yet...
Tomorrow is That Fucking Woman Day, named after a line Egg has said a few times in reference to my wife (my name and pronouns corrected because Egg only ever used my deadname and the pronounces matching my birth sex):
[Karu]’s got [their] obligation to that fucking woman now. But what about me? Now I’m all lonely and all by myself.
And we are going to celebrate it because it was the day we opened our eyes and finally awakened.
What's so special about tomorrow? It's 2 March!
Whenever I needed help from the day I was born I would say up until that moment, March 2nd. That I asked for help and I didn’t get it.
I remember that fateful day. March 2nd. She announced that she wasn’t gonna do it. And that I’d have to get a taxi or an uber or something.
Well then on March 2nd I had that incident and they came down and all and she said, you know, that she wasn’t gonna do it, that I would have to take an Uber or a taxi or something.
And then SHE had to come into the picture. Which it was fine until like I said, March 2nd and then shit hit the fan and that was it.
And it’s a shame, once Serena came into the picture—I mean it was good until, you know, it wasn’t. March 2nd is when it all went south. It all. went. south. Now. All because she didn’t do the right thing. She offered—n-no she didn’t offer, I had asked her, ‘cause <Name> said [they] couldn’t do it because [they have] this “chronic fatigue” crap.
It's the day we had enough and decided to start preparing for our escape from our toxic situation. It was the day that a last ditch manipulative suicide attempt ended with us agreeing we needed to plan getting out. Not just for the sake of us but also for the sake of our marriage.
It took almost 8 months for us to find a new place we could call our safe harbour and another month for us to start living there whilst grappling with grief not just over this but also losing our sweet Sadie.
It was a very long, very frustrating, very maddening ride filled with tears of frustration and anger and grief. But we made it through to the other side. There are still some challenges of course because that's basically life. There will always be obstacles both big and small. My marriage has never been better.
I didn't decide to go no contact on a whim. I initially didn't want to even cut contact when the time came but the situation left me no choice. In going through old journal entries I'd rediscovered that I'd been trying to get away since I was 18 but was never able to, and had plans to go no contact once I was because of how badly I was taken advantage of and manipulated. This was something I'd sat on for 14 years.
Going no contact with a parent hurts more than people realize. It isn't an easy thing. It's actually the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I already have a parent who is deceased and now I have to do this. Children are wired to love their parents unconditionally and that guilt eats away and it eats away more at me because I was conditioned to always feel bad for not meeting someone else's needs.
Parents are supposed to unconditionally love their kids in return and I don't think in this situation that is the case. Why would you treat your kids this way if you did? The aim was always to be cruel, to say things that were nasty and manipulative. No one who loves their children would ever be purposely cruel to them.
And yet...
Tomorrow is That Fucking Woman Day, named after a line Egg has said a few times in reference to my wife (my name and pronouns corrected because Egg only ever used my deadname and the pronounces matching my birth sex):
[Karu]’s got [their] obligation to that fucking woman now. But what about me? Now I’m all lonely and all by myself.
And we are going to celebrate it because it was the day we opened our eyes and finally awakened.
