Hikaru Yuy (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
omaewokorosu) wrote2024-04-13 12:35 am
omaewokorosu) wrote2024-04-13 12:35 am
Entry tags:
this was technically yesterday but
Reading the transcript from the conversation I had today with Egg made me realise why my family is so fucked up. And I kind of knew this, but I've come to really realise it because of the book I've been reading.
All Egg cares about is money.
All Egg cares about is what you are willing to do for her, be for her, sacrifice for her. The moment you can't do, or be, or sacrifice for her is the moment you are tossed away.
She made up a loan as an excuse to cut off my one brother. If I move out on my own she's willing and able to cut me off. If my remaining sibling stops being useful in some way to her, she'll cut him out somehow too. This is what narcissism does. This is how it completely destroys families. And she's realising it all at a time where it's too late to undo all of the damage that she's done.
Me:
So I guess that means I mean so little to you. That you would be willing to completely cut me off you know, disown me essentially. After everything that I’ve done for you. The fact that I put my life on hold as long as I did and it’s a miracle that I ended up married. And then, you disown me because I decided to live my life for me and Terri.
Her, in a voice with little warmth:
The funny thing is when were leaving Kearny, I took you with me. God only knows what would have happened to you if I had just said, “the hell with you.” But I took ya.
Me:
Okay and I--
Her:
And you probably would’ve God knows what
Me:
I probably would have been dead.
Her, in a voice that sounds so cold-hearted:
Yeah, probably. You know. But I did you a favour.
You took me in because Nana said she would NEVER, EVER abandon one of her kids, that you ABSOLUTELY HAD TO TAKE ME or else she would've had NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. You were willing to basically leave me for fucking dead. For what?
So because of this I'm supposed to just continue to bow down to you? That I owe you my life? If anything I owe NANA MY LIFE because she told *you* to DO THE RIGHT FUCKING THING. WHAT KIND OF PARENT FUCKING DOES SHIT LIKE THIS?
Oh. Right. The kind who makes up a fucking false fucking loan to GET RID OF HER SON. The kind who DISOWNS THEIR CHILD for wanting to escape the abuse YOU ARE PUTTING THEM THROUGH.
My nan is rolling in her fucking grave. I keep apologising to her. I keep telling her I love her. I'm not the one who should be apologising, her fucking daughter should be begging Nana to forgive her from the afterlife. But you know who else is rolling in their grave?
My father. Because he sees the monster he married treating his children like this. Treating *me* like this. I was closest to him. I can only imagine how furious this all makes him.
Go ahead. Leave it all to my niece. But I will make sure she knows exactly who you fucking were as a person and why all of that money should be fucking burned.
All Egg cares about is money.
All Egg cares about is what you are willing to do for her, be for her, sacrifice for her. The moment you can't do, or be, or sacrifice for her is the moment you are tossed away.
She made up a loan as an excuse to cut off my one brother. If I move out on my own she's willing and able to cut me off. If my remaining sibling stops being useful in some way to her, she'll cut him out somehow too. This is what narcissism does. This is how it completely destroys families. And she's realising it all at a time where it's too late to undo all of the damage that she's done.
Me:
So I guess that means I mean so little to you. That you would be willing to completely cut me off you know, disown me essentially. After everything that I’ve done for you. The fact that I put my life on hold as long as I did and it’s a miracle that I ended up married. And then, you disown me because I decided to live my life for me and Terri.
Her, in a voice with little warmth:
The funny thing is when were leaving Kearny, I took you with me. God only knows what would have happened to you if I had just said, “the hell with you.” But I took ya.
Me:
Okay and I--
Her:
And you probably would’ve God knows what
Me:
I probably would have been dead.
Her, in a voice that sounds so cold-hearted:
Yeah, probably. You know. But I did you a favour.
You took me in because Nana said she would NEVER, EVER abandon one of her kids, that you ABSOLUTELY HAD TO TAKE ME or else she would've had NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. You were willing to basically leave me for fucking dead. For what?
So because of this I'm supposed to just continue to bow down to you? That I owe you my life? If anything I owe NANA MY LIFE because she told *you* to DO THE RIGHT FUCKING THING. WHAT KIND OF PARENT FUCKING DOES SHIT LIKE THIS?
Oh. Right. The kind who makes up a fucking false fucking loan to GET RID OF HER SON. The kind who DISOWNS THEIR CHILD for wanting to escape the abuse YOU ARE PUTTING THEM THROUGH.
My nan is rolling in her fucking grave. I keep apologising to her. I keep telling her I love her. I'm not the one who should be apologising, her fucking daughter should be begging Nana to forgive her from the afterlife. But you know who else is rolling in their grave?
My father. Because he sees the monster he married treating his children like this. Treating *me* like this. I was closest to him. I can only imagine how furious this all makes him.
Go ahead. Leave it all to my niece. But I will make sure she knows exactly who you fucking were as a person and why all of that money should be fucking burned.