i made a politically charged collage in my journal to "blow off steam"

[omaewokorosu]

(The collage has nothing to do with this entry lol I just couldn't think of a subject title.)

So this is a bit of an update to the entry I made yesterday because the plot thickens.

(I did hear back from Michael btw, his phone was fucking up. His Christmas went well!)

So I got Rob's Christmas card in the post today (postmarked the 23rd...if he sends these out any later they're going to miss Christmas entirely). I only care about the card so I can get my niece's school picture (wherein she looks like she's almost a teenager...and I am not ready for that, no no, my niece is not turning 12 in a week). Michael wondered why Rob even bothers at this point (it's probs to easily dispense said school pictures) and it was then that I learned, oh, Rob still sends Michael Christmas cards. Nice.

(So Rob's been lying to Egg this entire time lmao)

So I texted him saying I got it and he was glad about that. He explained the long silence between my text and his reply with, "Just [got] home from dropping mother off."

(It tickles me that no one capitalises the M anymore loooool.)

me: how'd that go?
Rob: Ok enough. 3.5 hours.

(That's round trip btw.)

me: how was the visit overall? I'm sure RM was happy to see her
Rob: It was fine. RM was very happy to see her. And do a few activities with her as well. But she [Egg] needs everything spelled out in detail hours or days in advance.
me: Like...every last detail?
Rob: At 10am yesterday she needed to know what was for lunch today.

I have pondered this and discussed this with Serena and I am still confounded outside of Egg needs to feel like she's in control of everything but this "I need to know everything in advance" can also be an anxiety thing. I know when I am in a situation that I can't predict (it's not my house, etc) I can end up anxious like "oh god what if I don't like what's planned for [meal]? What if something happens?" like that kind of catastrophising. I don't do that anymore because I have medication for it and therein lies the difference between Egg and myself: I got help for my bullshit—she refuses.

me: but what about lunch that same day? what does it matter what's for lunch the next day?
me: I don't even know what I'm having for dinner today let alone tomorrow
Rob: Exactly. If lunch today wasn't good, she was going to have me bring her home after Christmas meal.

she was going to make my brother leave his family to drive her ass home if tomorrow's lunch wasn't to her liking? Instead of idk leaving in the morning like a normal fucking person??? Because it takes almost four hours round trip to bring her back, the meal (including dessert) typically ends around ~730 maybe 8ish? Sure the route wouldn't have been busy (likely would've taken 17 to 87 to 17 to 6 to 84 to the 209 which sounds asinine because you go from NJ to NY into PA then back into NY instead of idk just not taking exit 53 lol and going to the next exit which is for Port—17/3/46/23 would've been much more direct since 23 ends in New York) but whatever, I wasn't the one there driving so doesn't matter to me.

me: well I guess lunch today was "satisfactory" enough for her yesterday...
Rob: She had an English muffin for lunch. On Christmas eve about 15 minutes was spent on making sure that I know that her phone thing expires in March, and I need to be ready, "because it's getting close. Even if I have to make an extra trip for just that if her taxes aren't ready."

As soon as I can figure out what email her Tracfone account is linked to, I can reset the password and just give that to him so he doesn't have to do anything. But also the Family Dollar downtown sells the yearly card, she can buy it and then just follow the instructions on the back and if she still can't figure it out she can bust out the phone manual and follow those. Like I know she knows fuck all about technology but like...rate she's going she is gonna end up having no relationships with any of her kids.

me: ...it's not even January yet.
Rob: I said "it's still only December." To which she said, "well it's almost over already!"
Rob: I also don't really know anything about the tracfone, she seems to think I'm some kind of expert.

So I told him I am more than happy to help him out if it means he doesn't lose his mind trying to figure this whole thing out and he was like "I'll figure it out, it's fine."

Rob: Her trouble seems to boil down to that she only has 2 "modes." Either everything is perfectly fine, or it is utter catastrophe perpetrated against her personally. If she has to push the power button on her remote twice instead of just once, it means absolute Doom and it's all because someone is trying to screw her. I'm sure nothing you don't know all too well. Lol.
me: Oh I know all about how her needing to do an extra step is more catastrophic than the bombing of Hiroshima... And she would pitch a fit and say how she should just lay down and die and how she doesn't understand anything and it's like... She doesn't give anything a chance. She won't read instructions, she won't even listen to instructions, just assumes she can't do it or it can't be done so all hope is lost.

me: How you worded this was very eloquent lol
Rob: The closed captioning was on on the TV here. You'd have thought it prevented her from hearing or seeing any part of what she was watching.
me: Did she at least enjoy dinner even with her worries over lunch the next day?
Rob: She seemed to, yes. Thankfully.
me: I saw pictures, it looked good, though I don't think there were enough mashed potatoes.
Rob: We had fried pork cutlets, mashed potatoes and steamed carrots. Tomato soup to start and pumpkin pie and brownies for dessert.
me: Oooh that sounds really good.
Rob: Lol. I didn't cook all of the potatoes, so I could have made more. I was mindful to not create too many leftovers. Jenny leaves for Rome on Saturday.
me: you could've send leftovers home with mother lol
me: I just don't understand like. her behaviour.
Rob: It's just a bit strange. But maybe that's just how ppl get when they get old-er.
me: I think she thinks she's losing or has lost control of her life. she's been paranoid for a while. I know she thinks her neighbours are all out to get her and are targeting her for whatever reason, and the city is conspiring against her. she's obsessed with the TV and whether the cable is working... it's all just really weird.
Rob: Indeed.
me: well now she's got something new to ruminate over, the taxes and her phone.
Rob: LOL!

All I know is...Egg better be glad it wasn't me because I would've told her to walk her ass back home. This is only a fraction of the shit I had to deal with when it came to her, this is only the beginning for him. Better him than me. And I know if he didn't have RM then he would probably not invite her to anything, because what would the point be?

I'm not gonna post the pics that were on FB because I don't want Egg on my journal or anywhere near it. But she looks like she doesn't want to be there. Only time she's happy is when food is served. Looks miserable sitting next to RM and looks miserable standing next to Rob whose face is saying please take the picture so I can move away. Yeah.

Also something that I've noticed is...over the years, you know, the three of us always used a capital "M" in "mother"...but now all three of us use a lower case. I know for me I did that on purpose because she doesn't deserve any kind of respect from me—any that there was? Completely gone the moment she disrespected Serena. That was it. I was done. Flat out fucking told her so, that I lost any trust and respect I had for her.

She genuinely needs some kind of psychiatric help. She has to want it, and want it for herself, and she won't. She was only willing to do it for as long as I planned on staying there. "Oh well you can stay here because I'm gonna get help."
"Except I'm not gonna be staying here, Serena and I are planning on moving out. Don't do this shit for me, do it for you, or at least do it for RM."
Won't even do it for RM.

All of this has just reaffirmed that I made the right decision in not only leaving, but going no contact. She thinks that we're coming down this weekend to finish moving things so we can discuss cleanout options or whatever; we're going back upstate to visit the other side of the family (have to pay our respects to the matriarch after all, she is 96 and we want to enjoy her whilst we still have her) and also...we forgot to bring the laundry we did at Mom and Dad's back...so we have to grab that too. And then we're gonna stop at Wegmans (idk which one) on the way back to do our grocery shop (so probs the one at home) and maybe we can finally empty the boot of my car of the shit we moved like two weeks ago or whatever. (It was the 15th so not quite two weeks.) And prepare for the new year...

Egg will no doubt try to call me but I have her numbers blocked and I wouldn't answer anyway. She can do whatever she wants with whatever remains. I don't care. I took all of the things I wanted and left what I didn't. She said she'd take care of the cleanout (because she wants control, she said so herself, of everything) so she can do that whenever she wants. As for her key... Dad offered to mail that out for me so that Egg doesn't know we don't live in Rochester like she thinks. But since she told me that the key would end up going to Rob anyway, I wonder if maybe I should just mail it to him...